outa place

No need to worry bout everthing i done, live every second like it was my last one... now i b kneeling in the sand catching tear drops in my hand. i miss some and they drop to the dust below. red to deep red. before i can smile again, i had to. but now. now. now i know. now i know what i won't do again. now i know why i won't do it again, i know the emptiness that is over whelming and i know... only too well of being left behind when u give someone everything. so no. no more. i found my paradise when i looked into his eyes, i found something i never knew, i found something to live life for. a purpose. i would live life for that feeling once more. until i realised about the feeling, that it could be taken from you. and that left you unprepared to fill it's place. so with him gone, so is that feeling. and from friends all i hear is ay ya ya ya ya they're talking too much they're noise is messing with my head. i wish they'd let it alone. you were mine, for me, they don't know about us... because that's what it was, just you and me. now i can tell, i can share the secrets, our private lives. because it's in the past now. it's over. it's in the past now. over but not forgotten. but almost like out of a story, until i went back. then the reality hit me again and tore at me until i was left struggling for breath, fighting to stay.

i stood where we once stood. feeling like half of me was missing, like i shouldn't be there alone. but i couldn't leave, i needed to remember, remember everything i'd forgotten, everything i'd hidden away and said was only a dream. everything that was my own little secret life outside of who i am.

i wanna get back to the old days, when the phone would ring and i knew it was you, i wanna talk back and get yelled at, fight for nothing like we used to. i want your arms around me, i want your touch once more. i want to feel your skin and see your smile. but never again... i know now. you're gone forever now, and it hurts me now to know that even when i thought it was a dream you were still gone and that dream was over. i am crying as i type this because i love you. because i love you and i never stopped.

and you loved me. you loved me and never stopped. something i never told people was that i knew. they all heard that it was sudden, but we both knew what was happening. you came back and i saw you before it happened. we both knew you'd be gone. i braved my fears to see you one last time. i felt your arms strong around me as they used to be. and your lips brushing my skin as careful as ever. how could it be that you were dying. this made me believe you could pull through. bbut you never did. i watched you. i held you in my arms. i held your last kiss on my lips, and you died at mine. i felt your body limp, the strong arms fallen from my waist. i let you down to lay on the bed in the sunlit room. i walked out, you weren't there anymore, so neither was i. your body lay on the bed and i ran crying. i ran trying to find you. i ran and then dropped to the floor screaming out. people staring, nobody knew of your lifeless body in that cottage, nobody but me. and i screamed out to the gods above. and then you're father was behind me. he lifted me up and dragged me away. i couldn't stay there, not in the road, not screaming like a bad child. i knew that, and so i let him drag me. and i went to the taxi. i sat in the back and i cried. i cried for the 5 hours home. we didn't stop the car once. and i sat in the back picturing you laying there, laying there without life, without the life that i loved.

you died in my arms, your kiss on my lips. and my heart died through your kiss with you.