yes here we are at the end of the year that was 2009.
From what i've seen so far it hasn't taken the prize as anyones favourite year. And I know that the greatest things to happen to me happened this year, but no it wasn't that good of a year.
Not Another High School Musical, the best thing to happen to me at Padbury. This play was written for us, based on us and played by us. Us being me and my friends, and my not so friends and all of the in-betweeners. Our life on stage. And I fell for a boy, which it nearly worked out with, true it didn't... but the months of that were the best I've ever had, (don't let my ex's read this :P) everything was so free and happy and we'd sing and kiss and laugh and talk... it was like nothing I've been in before. Too bad it didn't work out huh, but 2010 brings me another chance so we shall see :P
classes pretty much failed, but we had some laughs. Street Car named desire was good for that, Hoods had it's moments, and it's alround failure to give us all a good laugh. English lessons were exciting because of the squirals, overtiredness that made us giggle till we died and all round foolery. Maths was a breeze and so gave lots of time for whatever the moment called for, Dance had the music and was like a constant party, Music was always brilliant as we hung action men and drew on the board. Media failed. but mr burnette was fun :D
and so that was the year that was, in the happiest light, the school year before we all had to get serious. the party year.
i feel like adam writing all this, but the year deserved something in all the crap and laughs it delt us.
0
new start
I'm reaching out to you, to find that you're not there.
secret relationship, well really what's new. when it's over you think i'm all upset but baby i'm over it too. After all i said, about degrading and ruining things, you still see that you have the right to try and clip my wings. Sweetie I'm sorry I stopped caring but didn't have the heart to say, Sweetie I'm sorry I mucked up, you shouldn't give me the time of day. But when I thought of someone else, i knew i'd gone too far, when I let my mind wander it forget who we are. You mixed me up for someone who'd fall apart without you, yeah you broke my heart, once in year 10... letting you do that again i couldn't do.
lying to my friends was taking it's toll, All i could think was I'm not your toy, I'm not your doll.
secret relationships, well really what's new. when it's over you think I'm all upset, but baby I'm over this too
secret relationship, well really what's new. when it's over you think i'm all upset but baby i'm over it too. After all i said, about degrading and ruining things, you still see that you have the right to try and clip my wings. Sweetie I'm sorry I stopped caring but didn't have the heart to say, Sweetie I'm sorry I mucked up, you shouldn't give me the time of day. But when I thought of someone else, i knew i'd gone too far, when I let my mind wander it forget who we are. You mixed me up for someone who'd fall apart without you, yeah you broke my heart, once in year 10... letting you do that again i couldn't do.
lying to my friends was taking it's toll, All i could think was I'm not your toy, I'm not your doll.
secret relationships, well really what's new. when it's over you think I'm all upset, but baby I'm over this too
Posted by
madsie
smile even in your liver <3
goodness knows, the wickeds lives are lonely... goodness knows the wicked die alone. isn't it good to know, that good will concur evil by and by...
"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained."
--Madame Marie Curie
"Old times never come back and i supose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better"
--George Edward Woodberry
"Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom."
--Earl Shoaf
"The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in ones life."
--Peace Pilgrim
"When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward."
--Tyler Perry
"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained."
--Madame Marie Curie
"Old times never come back and i supose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better"
--George Edward Woodberry
"Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom."
--Earl Shoaf
"The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in ones life."
--Peace Pilgrim
"When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward."
--Tyler Perry
Posted by
madsie
this ones for you
If i should die before I wake, it's cause you took my breath away. Your departure wasn't as easy as I dreamed. To see your face and miss your ways is why my heart does break each day.
How, do you expect me, to live alone with just me. I don't know where to go what's the right team. I have my own dreams but now I need to scream. I can't choose so confused, what's it all mean. What do I do now, without you.
If I should die before I wake, it's cause you took my dreams away. Keeping me caged up in a place of negative emotions. Forever to do the same things day in day out. As if this is what life's all about.
How do you expect me, to live alone with just me and next to no one I can trust. Wings clipped and unable to fly. Now it's time i wonder why. Why won't you let me go
If I should die before I wake, it's cause you took my heart away. Took it and broke it and won't give it back. It's safe to say I don't think that's very fair. What do you think? I don't think it's safe to keep you away from me, I hope you agree.
If I should die before I wake, it's cause my soul did finally break. I tried to be strong and to always hold on but if I should die before I wake it's cause you were the thing I couldn't take.
I tried
I cried
I lied
I died
How, do you expect me, to live alone with just me. I don't know where to go what's the right team. I have my own dreams but now I need to scream. I can't choose so confused, what's it all mean. What do I do now, without you.
If I should die before I wake, it's cause you took my dreams away. Keeping me caged up in a place of negative emotions. Forever to do the same things day in day out. As if this is what life's all about.
How do you expect me, to live alone with just me and next to no one I can trust. Wings clipped and unable to fly. Now it's time i wonder why. Why won't you let me go
If I should die before I wake, it's cause you took my heart away. Took it and broke it and won't give it back. It's safe to say I don't think that's very fair. What do you think? I don't think it's safe to keep you away from me, I hope you agree.
If I should die before I wake, it's cause my soul did finally break. I tried to be strong and to always hold on but if I should die before I wake it's cause you were the thing I couldn't take.
I tried
I cried
I lied
I died
Posted by
madsie
it was my fucking call
AFTER EVERYTHING. AFTER ALL YOUR SHIT. ALL YOUR FUCKING EXCUSES. I PUT UP WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT AND YOU FUCKED IT.
so it was fine and i got past it i finally felt good again... good again without needing you to tell me too
and then you say that maybe you need me.
SO I DROP EVERYTHING.
to hear you out, and listen to your flattery and guess wot. LIKE YOU FUCKING SAID I'M A DUMB SHIT SO OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING FELL FOR IT YOU MORON HOW COULD YOU IM A FUCKING PERSON TOO.
i listen i care i bend over backwards to try and make you smile, soon it makes me smile when you say i made you smile. soon it's all to clear where im headed. So i seak help because i KNEW you would only hurt me again. and i promised to stay away for a month. i knew you wouldn't wait for me, so this was a good promise to make... there would be no heartache when i got back
AFTER EVERYTHING IT WAS MY FUCKING CALL TO MAKE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY IM UNTRUSTWORTHY NO FUCKING RIGHT. i dont even know which of your sentences are fact and which are fiction anymore and yet i trusted you fully.
i wanted it, but i knew it wouldn't work BUT THAT WAS MY CALL. whatever you think you are, you have no power of me now... im done letting you control me like a puppet.
im done being the little girl you can laugh at again and again, im done being her, im doing being here, im done.
but are you? are you done?
so it was fine and i got past it i finally felt good again... good again without needing you to tell me too
and then you say that maybe you need me.
SO I DROP EVERYTHING.
to hear you out, and listen to your flattery and guess wot. LIKE YOU FUCKING SAID I'M A DUMB SHIT SO OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING FELL FOR IT YOU MORON HOW COULD YOU IM A FUCKING PERSON TOO.
i listen i care i bend over backwards to try and make you smile, soon it makes me smile when you say i made you smile. soon it's all to clear where im headed. So i seak help because i KNEW you would only hurt me again. and i promised to stay away for a month. i knew you wouldn't wait for me, so this was a good promise to make... there would be no heartache when i got back
AFTER EVERYTHING IT WAS MY FUCKING CALL TO MAKE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY IM UNTRUSTWORTHY NO FUCKING RIGHT. i dont even know which of your sentences are fact and which are fiction anymore and yet i trusted you fully.
i wanted it, but i knew it wouldn't work BUT THAT WAS MY CALL. whatever you think you are, you have no power of me now... im done letting you control me like a puppet.
im done being the little girl you can laugh at again and again, im done being her, im doing being here, im done.
but are you? are you done?
Posted by
madsie
they're playing our song
ima write you a song to show you belong, ima sing you this song... it won't be very long, but when i show you this song, please know nothings wrong, for this is our song... and will always go on.
Posted by
madsie
better run girl you're much too young girl. i'd better run now... i'm much too young now.
dont stand... dont stand so, dont stand so close to me i dont wanna get hurt you see.
you can win.. i know you can, just step in and you've won this hand, she wants him so badly... knows what she wants to be... you don't need weapons, you've got it all there, now whatever happens... whatever happens...
you stand, you stand so, you stand so close to me and im yours... young boy you're out of your mind.. your love for me is fake and unkind... I'd better run now, i have to win somehow.
dont stand... dont stand so, dont stand so close to me i dont wanna get hurt you see.
you can win.. i know you can, just step in and you've won this hand, she wants him so badly... knows what she wants to be... you don't need weapons, you've got it all there, now whatever happens... whatever happens...
you stand, you stand so, you stand so close to me and im yours... young boy you're out of your mind.. your love for me is fake and unkind... I'd better run now, i have to win somehow.
Posted by
madsie
dream to me
Sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...
Power
Dream to me, share with me your dreams and wishes... dream to me... and let me understand.
Dream with me, and watch the adventures take place... dream with me... i need you to
Dream of me, and see what i am worth... dream of me... it's time we found my place
Sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...
Friendship
Dream to me, tell me your deepest thoughts... dream to me... i long to see
Dream with me, let me lend something to you... dream with me... feel our strength
Dream of me, I'll dream of you... dream of me... i need you to
sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...
love
Dream for me... when i cant.
Sometimes things can only happen in our dreams... so curl up, sleep tight... and I'll see you there <3
Power
Dream to me, share with me your dreams and wishes... dream to me... and let me understand.
Dream with me, and watch the adventures take place... dream with me... i need you to
Dream of me, and see what i am worth... dream of me... it's time we found my place
Sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...
Friendship
Dream to me, tell me your deepest thoughts... dream to me... i long to see
Dream with me, let me lend something to you... dream with me... feel our strength
Dream of me, I'll dream of you... dream of me... i need you to
sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...
love
Dream for me... when i cant.
Sometimes things can only happen in our dreams... so curl up, sleep tight... and I'll see you there <3
Posted by
madsie
easier, better, righter... wrong
would it be easier just to hate you, but would i feel better if i let myself love you... would i be right to wait for a bit, would i be wrong to think this is it.
Would it be easy just to slide back in, to that time when i felt like i was flying... but would it be better, righter... or wrong.
what would it be... what would i be... :P
Would it be easy just to slide back in, to that time when i felt like i was flying... but would it be better, righter... or wrong.
what would it be... what would i be... :P
Posted by
madsie
this holiday season
Everything comes to a head this holiday season. Come New Years Eve and i will mourn the passing of a woman so strong and beautiful that she was once my role model. A woman who died two years ago that night in a car accident that wasn't her fault. Life is cruel... but it is heartless in death. Travelling as usual i never saw her... i never made it to her funeral... travellingas always as this is what i am.
In 2 months time i'll be back there, in our house. What if im in the same room?what if i have to sleep in the same bed? The first time in a year i'll be walking in thosefootsteps i thought i'd never have to face. Remembering the last time i was in thatroom, remembering what happened. Remembering that night and the morning after. I thought i'd faced it already going back... but how could i... i was in a different area, Ionly saw the same places... i wasn't where i all happened. Where everything good ended. Travelling as usual was our thing, we travelled to see each other becausewe needed each other. Travelling as always as this is what i am.
No fears no regrets... wouldn't that be nice
i made a mistake i just can't fix, i was born with pride that got me into this... I'm blind and i cried, we're all here but we've died... I'm struggling to see what will come of this.
pressure, faults, mistakes, stress... it's hard to see what's right and what's real anymore and I'm scared
Posted by
madsie
...if I loved you...
...if I loved you...
...if i loved you... would you care
...if i loved you... would you be there
...if i loved you... would you smile
...if i loved you... would you stay with me a while?
...if i loved you...
you know the funny thing...
...if i loved you... it wouldn't mean a thing.
...if i loved you... would you care
...if i loved you... would you be there
...if i loved you... would you smile
...if i loved you... would you stay with me a while?
...if i loved you...
you know the funny thing...
...if i loved you... it wouldn't mean a thing.
Posted by
madsie
faaarking hell
loathing, unadulterated loathing... for your face your voice your clothing... lets just say i loathe it all!
fark me how many blogs will i start with that. it seems like im just hating on everybody don't it.
well, ok no im not (y)
bah i always sound so emo in these blogs... but when im happy im out and about being happy, when im down im here blogging... and yeah i know i have shitloads of blogs so i spend quite a bit of time being down... i dont even know why im explaining this D:
maybe i am just a tad down though, maybe im allowed to be (y) my birthday book said people born on the 9th of october easily become depressed and should watch themselves because they can sink into deep depression easily. so maybe that's me.
fuck me i am in the worst mood. and for no reason. everything just sucks. he's right there and i cant have him there's like some wall there... he's so far in my past that i can never look back again. why would you make me feel this way and then bar any hope of fullfilling this feeling! why do i suddenly feel this pull to a passed so dark that i should never want to go back. why do i still feel a pull to a present that fucked me over. why can i not be happy as i am. why do i need more. when do i feel empty when i see things like i see.
i have a best friend, i have a guy that i love as a brother, i have other friends that always make me smile... so why... whyyyy do i feel empty, why do i feel like i need more... why does love still have a hold over me. why do i feel like i just want to leave... like i dont want to do this anymore, why cant i just be happy.
im so over trying to be perfect, when i know im anything but... and im so over making mistakes that people won't let go. im so over being cared for, and being ignored completely... if im over everything wots gonna please me. i need friends but i dont need some. i dont know fuking hell this sounds dum. yes that rhymed people.
i need someone by me who will just cuddle me while i cry, someone to say they love me... someone i dont need to ask why... someone who loves me for me. and who will just be there... just be there
fark me how many blogs will i start with that. it seems like im just hating on everybody don't it.
well, ok no im not (y)
bah i always sound so emo in these blogs... but when im happy im out and about being happy, when im down im here blogging... and yeah i know i have shitloads of blogs so i spend quite a bit of time being down... i dont even know why im explaining this D:
maybe i am just a tad down though, maybe im allowed to be (y) my birthday book said people born on the 9th of october easily become depressed and should watch themselves because they can sink into deep depression easily. so maybe that's me.
fuck me i am in the worst mood. and for no reason. everything just sucks. he's right there and i cant have him there's like some wall there... he's so far in my past that i can never look back again. why would you make me feel this way and then bar any hope of fullfilling this feeling! why do i suddenly feel this pull to a passed so dark that i should never want to go back. why do i still feel a pull to a present that fucked me over. why can i not be happy as i am. why do i need more. when do i feel empty when i see things like i see.
i have a best friend, i have a guy that i love as a brother, i have other friends that always make me smile... so why... whyyyy do i feel empty, why do i feel like i need more... why does love still have a hold over me. why do i feel like i just want to leave... like i dont want to do this anymore, why cant i just be happy.
im so over trying to be perfect, when i know im anything but... and im so over making mistakes that people won't let go. im so over being cared for, and being ignored completely... if im over everything wots gonna please me. i need friends but i dont need some. i dont know fuking hell this sounds dum. yes that rhymed people.
i need someone by me who will just cuddle me while i cry, someone to say they love me... someone i dont need to ask why... someone who loves me for me. and who will just be there... just be there
Posted by
madsie
trying to find words to describe
i'm trying to find a someone, who's really just a no one, who lives cause i'm there someone... so far i've found no one.
why am i living to find a love, so true and always strong... when i'm fighting to run away and i won't stay too long.
it's hard at the moment to get words onto this... blog that rightly say how i feel, i am but 15 years old... soon to be 16. i can't make up my mind on anything... and no one can make up their mind on me.
im never fully complete unless I am in love... and this makes me feel guilty for needing more then just friends.
i lost my train of thought
why am i living to find a love, so true and always strong... when i'm fighting to run away and i won't stay too long.
it's hard at the moment to get words onto this... blog that rightly say how i feel, i am but 15 years old... soon to be 16. i can't make up my mind on anything... and no one can make up their mind on me.
im never fully complete unless I am in love... and this makes me feel guilty for needing more then just friends.
i lost my train of thought
Posted by
madsie
if my tears were meaningful
energy drained, i swear i was framed, but no one really cares, ask me? no one dares. and i wonder how can it be, when there's nothing left of me, that these tears they do still fall, even though i can't feel at all.
Posted by
madsie
RAGE
WHY WERE WE GIVEN FEELINGS. why are we allowed to feel any good in this world when we abuse the feelings. why should we feel. why should anyone love... if that means they can hate. i haven't yet seen that it's worth it. what is friendship anyway. is it deep, or shallow... how do you know. and what is the difference between friends and a stranger other then knowledge. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. LIFE IS A WAR ZONE GET THE FUCK USED TO IT. no one really cares. and yet everyone does with all of their heart. but how much is all of their heart... is it anything at all? a heart is a muscle... how can it feel, how can it love... it's tiny how can you say you love someone with all of your heart... when really you're giving barely anything. how can i love him, and want him with all of my being... how is this possible. when i feel so empty inside... when i have nothing to give, and i have nothing to take.
how can she be so hypocritical and say that she knows all. When there is so much her eyes never see. how can someone who doesn't allow themselves to feel, judge others and their feelings. IT DOESN'T WORK
how can i shut my eyes to everything and close of the hurt, the pain and attack of everyone.. how can i do this, when it's what i want more then anything now. If you want something bad enough you will get it... well i want it with the rest of whatever i have to offer up... and yet, is that enough?
why do people say they care, when empathy is a lost art... why do people act like they love... when they don't believe it. why do people frown and smile, why do people laugh and cry... why do people exist... and why are they allowed to feel.
how can she be so hypocritical and say that she knows all. When there is so much her eyes never see. how can someone who doesn't allow themselves to feel, judge others and their feelings. IT DOESN'T WORK
how can i shut my eyes to everything and close of the hurt, the pain and attack of everyone.. how can i do this, when it's what i want more then anything now. If you want something bad enough you will get it... well i want it with the rest of whatever i have to offer up... and yet, is that enough?
why do people say they care, when empathy is a lost art... why do people act like they love... when they don't believe it. why do people frown and smile, why do people laugh and cry... why do people exist... and why are they allowed to feel.
Posted by
madsie
which emotions wins out in the end
I'm angry, furious... vehement everything! i'm sad, depressed i want to cry but i haven't the energy. i want to laugh, at myself for how foolish i was. i want to scream that i should have listened... i should have seen the signs... i should have known i'm not deserving. i want to shrink away with embarrisment, for i was a fool and now he laughs at me... he knew and i went on, and he never stopped me... and therefore the anger boils again and i want to scream at him for being so heartless... for letting me get to a place where the fall would all but destroy me.
love. is out there. but it will never reach my heart
love. is out there. but it will never reach my heart
Posted by
madsie
My fingers bleed much like my heart, my soul seeps out in tears of doubt.
this feeling that i'm feeling this sense of lonelyness must fade... for i feel as if i'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming! and no one even looks up. why so effected... one might ask. why does she even care.
well i don't know. I don't decide. My heart does go on.
why so effected. by love. by a hearts desire. why so down when I'm thrown in the fire... i don't know. I don't decide. my heart does go on.
i wish i could feel less. i wish i didnt need. Love shouldn't enslave me when i need to be freed.
if i could i would close off my heart. and i wouldn't love again. that is my hope my dream... im wishing for the end.
this feeling that i'm feeling this sense of lonelyness must fade... for i feel as if i'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming! and no one even looks up. why so effected... one might ask. why does she even care.
well i don't know. I don't decide. My heart does go on.
why so effected. by love. by a hearts desire. why so down when I'm thrown in the fire... i don't know. I don't decide. my heart does go on.
i wish i could feel less. i wish i didnt need. Love shouldn't enslave me when i need to be freed.
if i could i would close off my heart. and i wouldn't love again. that is my hope my dream... im wishing for the end.
Posted by
madsie
If I had a personality.
And sometimes things don't go perfectly.
And sometimes people can't accept that.
And sometimes it goes un-noticed
And sometimes life is kind to a gentle mind, well if you lose your way think back on yesterday, please remember me this way.
as if I had a personality.
Breathe in, Breathe out... Please don't shout. Breathe in, Breathe out, please don't run about. Breathe in, Breathe out... Day in, Day out, Breathe in, Breathe out please someone get me out! maybe I'm not ready to be a lady, I don't want to grow up that fast, I'm still living in maybe, I have yet to know my path.
with maturity forced upon me, my childhood is cut short. My laughter is silenced early and my smile is masked before its time. The weight placed upon my shoulders is heavier then they are ready to carry and so my body will crack and break as I stumble underneath it.
tell me who am I? Why I am all of you out there just like me. I am all of you out there treading in deep water, way over your head. We are called teenagers. And our teenage life is being ripped from our finger tips.
I'm not ready for the world, and something tells me the world isn't ready for me yet either. It's ok that I'm just a little girl, It's ok to be just a little girl. For every man out there who is still just a boy, unpuff your chest... let down your guard you're allowed to make mistakes and not take the worlds responsibility on your way. For every girl forced to sit, legs crossed, lips closed... lean back, spread out, open your mouth and sing to the skies you. Don't let the term lady tie you in to a person you're not ready to be.
Say what you need to, tell people what you're thinking. If you're in such a hurry to grow up you will miss so much. What if there was no tomorrow. Remember the lovely song, "No day but today." What if that was true... and then you hadn't said what you needed. You hadn't seen what you wanted. And nobody knew what they should have.
You're a child, please give me a smile, let me hear your laugh... don't sit down and cry. Please let me feel the warmth of the happiness flowing from your core, please don't let me see you drown in the pressures the world will send.
And sometimes people can't accept that.
And sometimes it goes un-noticed
And sometimes life is kind to a gentle mind, well if you lose your way think back on yesterday, please remember me this way.
as if I had a personality.
Breathe in, Breathe out... Please don't shout. Breathe in, Breathe out, please don't run about. Breathe in, Breathe out... Day in, Day out, Breathe in, Breathe out please someone get me out! maybe I'm not ready to be a lady, I don't want to grow up that fast, I'm still living in maybe, I have yet to know my path.
with maturity forced upon me, my childhood is cut short. My laughter is silenced early and my smile is masked before its time. The weight placed upon my shoulders is heavier then they are ready to carry and so my body will crack and break as I stumble underneath it.
tell me who am I? Why I am all of you out there just like me. I am all of you out there treading in deep water, way over your head. We are called teenagers. And our teenage life is being ripped from our finger tips.
I'm not ready for the world, and something tells me the world isn't ready for me yet either. It's ok that I'm just a little girl, It's ok to be just a little girl. For every man out there who is still just a boy, unpuff your chest... let down your guard you're allowed to make mistakes and not take the worlds responsibility on your way. For every girl forced to sit, legs crossed, lips closed... lean back, spread out, open your mouth and sing to the skies you. Don't let the term lady tie you in to a person you're not ready to be.
Say what you need to, tell people what you're thinking. If you're in such a hurry to grow up you will miss so much. What if there was no tomorrow. Remember the lovely song, "No day but today." What if that was true... and then you hadn't said what you needed. You hadn't seen what you wanted. And nobody knew what they should have.
You're a child, please give me a smile, let me hear your laugh... don't sit down and cry. Please let me feel the warmth of the happiness flowing from your core, please don't let me see you drown in the pressures the world will send.
Posted by
madsie
the songs i wrote along my lower school high school life
Don’t b ma frend, Forget my name, We’ll play a game of pretend, I don’t exist, Its better like this, Its time we reached the end, Im happy just here, I wont shed a tear, Ill be fine without u, Ive made up my mind, I no its not kind, But theres nothing u can do, Coz its already, hurt too much, ur mucking it up, just leave me alone, And if u try, to talk to me, call on me, ill hang up the phone, Ive got what I want, im holding on tight, ur not taking him away … from me.
When was the last time… I made you smile, Why won’t you write back, Baby it hurts. Can’t say I love you, Can’t even give a hint, But you won’t write back, Ooo Baby it hurts Never thought I’d fall for you, But look at me now, Im head over heals Im, Crazy for you…
Don’t b ma frend, Forget my name, We’ll play a game of pretend, I don’t exist, Its better like this, Its time we reached the end, Im happy just here, I wont shed a tear, Ill be fine without u, Ive made up my mind, I no its not kind, But theres nothing u can do, Coz its already, hurt too much, ur mucking it up, just leave me alone, And if u try, to talk to me, call on me, ill hang up the phone, Ive got what I want, im holding on tight, ur not taking him away … from me.
When was the last time… I made you smile, Why won’t you write back, Baby it hurts. Can’t say I love you, Can’t even give a hint, But you won’t write back, Ooo Baby it hurts Never thought I’d fall for you, But look at me now, Im head over heals Im, Crazy for you…
Posted by
madsie
if i could
My friends say you're so into me And that you need me desperately They say you say we're so complete But I need to hear it straight from you. Don't, don't let me be the last to know Don't hold back, just let it go I need to hear you say your wanting me that way Oh, if you like me so Don't let me be the last to know. I'm dreaming of one kiss from you A love long and true We'll go on and on and… why can't i let it go, when i no i can't be the one. Just one kiss from you, and suddenly I see the road laid out in front of me You give me strength, you give me hope And when you hold me in your arms You make me whole And I don't know just what I would do Without one kiss from you. someone take my heart and throw it away. it'll kill me one day. I should let it out To save what's left of me And close the doors of doubt Revive my dignity... where are you now. what have you found. why can't i just, get off the ground. I'll be ok. when i accept the facts... it's ok i wasn't all like that. so i've got less to fall. only hope of happy times to lose, for i hadn't fallen yet.
Posted by
madsie
3 years
3 years and you dont get it... I'm never gonna say yes.
3 years and you don't get it... you never helped me out.
3 years and you fucking don't get it... you're hurting me by staying "strong"
3 YEARS AND YOU'RE STILL SO SELFISH
3 years and all i've wanted is to be happy in love.
One relationship and you were the fucking idiot who caused me all those problems in it
one chance to get something that could make me so happy... and you're the one standing in the way
did you ever pause to look at it my way, did you ever think i deserve to be happy too. After 3 years... you'd think it would be my turn to be happy... and your turn to give up on the faith... and yes faith meaning believing in something that is physically impossible... or just impossible in this case, your turn to give up on the faith that i might one day turn around and melt in your arms. because i won't.
Ok i like someone else. And that someone else just might like me back heaven forbid I'm allowed to be happy in love. And you just can't stop broadcasting your stupid emo feelings about to everyone long enough to let me have a chance at this. I hope you realise you are the only thing stopping it now. You are the reason for all of this. and i've damn well finally had enough.
When does it become my turn... and not your turn.
Posted by
madsie
Am I not pretty enoughIs my heart too broken Do I cry too much Am I too outspoken Don't I make you laugh Should I try it harder Why do you see right through me I liveI breathe I let it rain on me I sleep I wake I try hard not to break I crave I love I've waited long enough I try as hard as I can I laughI feel I make believe it's real I fall I freeze I pray down on my knees I hope I stand, I take it like a man I try as hard as I can why do you see why do you see why do you see right through me
Posted by
madsie
the same again
If you look beyond my scars... Far, far away, you might just see the happy girl, that's starting to fade away. If you look back to the past, and notice who I was. You'll notice now that who I am isn't really meIf, you look beyond my smile, beyond my fading face... If you look beyond the pain, you might just feel the same. If you look past my tears and past the fallen blood. If you pass all of that, then you will have fallen. If you fall where I have fell, then you might notice to... This life I live is nothing, but a show that I put on for you. If you look past my fake smile, past my fake outside. Then you will see what is wrong, deep, deep inside. If you go down deep enough, you might get to my heart... If you see the crack in it, you will know what fell apart. If you travel though my blood and look up at my skin, you might just see the scares that show up deep within. If you look beyond the scars, beyond my fading arm. Maybe then and only then, Will u understand.
Posted by
madsie
wouldn't it be nice
"You can buy a person's hands but you can't buy his heart. Hisheart is where his enthusiasm, his loyalty is."
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human beingcan alter his life by altering his attitudes."
"Who is richer? The man who is seen, but cannot see? Or theman who is not being seen, but can see?"
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who hassight but has no vision."
"Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor."
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human beingcan alter his life by altering his attitudes."
"Who is richer? The man who is seen, but cannot see? Or theman who is not being seen, but can see?"
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who hassight but has no vision."
"Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor."
Posted by
madsie
What the hell just happened.
so wot the hell just happend. i woz doing all good, things were fine now suddenly everythings complicated. so what the hell just happened. i was laughing again with new closer friends now suddenly everythings complicated again. so what the hell just happened. i was moving on, i was healing again now everythings crashing back down. so what the hell just happend. i'd fixed myself, glued in the fallen pieces now everthings crashing back down again. so what the hell just happened. I thought i was safe, with a wall that couldn't be broken... but then i was pulled down from a double agent so what the hell just happend. i was fine on my own supporting my own weight but then, i guess i didn't make it that obvious. SO WOT THE FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED
i s'pose i should have seen it all coming. as soon as it started... i should have known, that the amount of karma i have waiting for me... was sooo not letting me get away with that happily. I'm not even mad at her, I'm just... mad. She hurt me, but that just makes me feel hurt. Why can't i stand my own with anyone? i feel all these terrible emotions but only as a 'feeling sorry for myself' way... not aimed at the person who created them.
falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. i Knew hearts broke... but i didn't know friendship could break them. i knew i'd found a friend... but i had no idea how much she meant to me. A wise man once said everyone deserves a chance to fly, but if i'm flying solo then i won't see... half of the things this life has to offer.
so i guess it's official... libran or not, i wasn't born for luuuurv. or at least... i wasn't born to be happy in love. perhaps karma is just targetting me where it knows it will hurt me the most. Who knows. I'll dance around this empty house, spinning all around and then i'll fall. i don't have enough balance to stay on top. i don't have enough co-ordination to keep it ok. this used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns i don't know where to look, who to see, where to go, or what to be.
do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth fighting for. Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide... did someone make you hurt inside?
She's so one minded... He's so young... She's such a baby... He's everything i dream of... She tried so hard... He is scary. and that's it. She can't love... He doesn't know the real meaning of love... She is too young to love... He wouldn't love me... She loves her friends first... He loves boys. (Had to be said) so i guess... just live and let die is what i say to them all. To he who is so young and doesn't know the meaning of love please, live and let die... nothing is nothing... there was always nothing, emptiness, always. I know it hurts, but you will never share real love until you love yourself.
head under water now i can't breathe... i'm scared to keep hoping when it seems there's no hope to go on.... I'm scared to keep believing... when my hearts still healing. i have one thing to do. i can't be this pityful, shameful person when i go back out there... so it's time to remend everything that has fallen inside me. this isn't me. and this won't be me.
i s'pose i should have seen it all coming. as soon as it started... i should have known, that the amount of karma i have waiting for me... was sooo not letting me get away with that happily. I'm not even mad at her, I'm just... mad. She hurt me, but that just makes me feel hurt. Why can't i stand my own with anyone? i feel all these terrible emotions but only as a 'feeling sorry for myself' way... not aimed at the person who created them.
falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. i Knew hearts broke... but i didn't know friendship could break them. i knew i'd found a friend... but i had no idea how much she meant to me. A wise man once said everyone deserves a chance to fly, but if i'm flying solo then i won't see... half of the things this life has to offer.
so i guess it's official... libran or not, i wasn't born for luuuurv. or at least... i wasn't born to be happy in love. perhaps karma is just targetting me where it knows it will hurt me the most. Who knows. I'll dance around this empty house, spinning all around and then i'll fall. i don't have enough balance to stay on top. i don't have enough co-ordination to keep it ok. this used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns i don't know where to look, who to see, where to go, or what to be.
do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth fighting for. Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide... did someone make you hurt inside?
She's so one minded... He's so young... She's such a baby... He's everything i dream of... She tried so hard... He is scary. and that's it. She can't love... He doesn't know the real meaning of love... She is too young to love... He wouldn't love me... She loves her friends first... He loves boys. (Had to be said) so i guess... just live and let die is what i say to them all. To he who is so young and doesn't know the meaning of love please, live and let die... nothing is nothing... there was always nothing, emptiness, always. I know it hurts, but you will never share real love until you love yourself.
head under water now i can't breathe... i'm scared to keep hoping when it seems there's no hope to go on.... I'm scared to keep believing... when my hearts still healing. i have one thing to do. i can't be this pityful, shameful person when i go back out there... so it's time to remend everything that has fallen inside me. this isn't me. and this won't be me.
Posted by
madsie
TIRED OF HIDING
The body image that you put on display says you can't keep away from me. i think you know it so open up your heart and see, you do those little things... those are the little things that make me want you in love with me.
i'm tired of hiding here are all my blogposts i havent posteed
i'm tired of hiding here are all my blogposts i havent posteed
Posted by
madsie
am i not pretty enough
Kiss me too fiercly, hold me too tight... I need help believing, you're with me tonight. Maybe I'm brainless, maybe that's why... I thought for just a second that you could be mine...
A smile as white as snow, A life I'll never know, A beauty rich and rare, A feeling I'll never share. A nose that is just right, that dream is out of sight, and eyes that capture the soul, that's a place I'll never go, that's the beauty I'll never know.
To move with easy grace, why that's just not my place, to walk as if you're gliding, that reality is sliding..... away from me. every hair in it's spot, god i'm missing an aweful lot, to be where they are... it's so very far. I want that smile as white as snow, it's the life i'll never know. a beauty rich and rare, a feeling I'll never share. flawless in every way, i don't think i'll get there "someday" to be beautiful is an awefully long way away.
Pfft, i mean i could, for all it's worth, try and cross their turf... but i know I'll just get hurt, when my efforts fail to work.
and if im stranded, where i landed... then no one will know
and to be where i want to, i've still an awefully long way to go.
that be mah new song guys... maybe for my musical im thinking about it...
but until then i remain your ever faithful, striving to be pretty enough,
mad-E bobutt
A smile as white as snow, A life I'll never know, A beauty rich and rare, A feeling I'll never share. A nose that is just right, that dream is out of sight, and eyes that capture the soul, that's a place I'll never go, that's the beauty I'll never know.
To move with easy grace, why that's just not my place, to walk as if you're gliding, that reality is sliding..... away from me. every hair in it's spot, god i'm missing an aweful lot, to be where they are... it's so very far. I want that smile as white as snow, it's the life i'll never know. a beauty rich and rare, a feeling I'll never share. flawless in every way, i don't think i'll get there "someday" to be beautiful is an awefully long way away.
Pfft, i mean i could, for all it's worth, try and cross their turf... but i know I'll just get hurt, when my efforts fail to work.
and if im stranded, where i landed... then no one will know
and to be where i want to, i've still an awefully long way to go.
that be mah new song guys... maybe for my musical im thinking about it...
but until then i remain your ever faithful, striving to be pretty enough,
mad-E bobutt
Posted by
madsie
no swine flu...
panic. No point in testing as yes or no answer will only result in the same help. "stay home and rest, don't cough or breathe on anyone thankyou and goodnight."
great thanks for the help right?
oh well... no testing, no confirmation but apparently a week off school ey? isn't that nice :P ah just on the few days i'd like to be at school for meetings and shopping etc. oh yey.
oh yeah... and i forgot my locker combo... yey! and i've lost my maths book, double yey! School is always good.
and i've actually run out of concrete difusers right now so i can't be bothered thinking
write for ya later xx
great thanks for the help right?
oh well... no testing, no confirmation but apparently a week off school ey? isn't that nice :P ah just on the few days i'd like to be at school for meetings and shopping etc. oh yey.
oh yeah... and i forgot my locker combo... yey! and i've lost my maths book, double yey! School is always good.
and i've actually run out of concrete difusers right now so i can't be bothered thinking
write for ya later xx
Posted by
madsie
STOP let me laugh :)
and finally after so long, the hate has grown and has blossemed as i planned. spose sometimes you can play god. i love to laugh and joke at what becomes of these pieces of writing. if i write one blog 4 people react... and it's kinda funny for me. you think i mean you, but you think i mean you... why maybe i dont mean any of you maybe the person i mean doesnt read this, or maybe it's one of you... go on go and react to this one too let me see who is so concieted to still think this is all them.
secrets so many... choose your sides there is no neutral. thankyou... i guess, for making it clear... where your loyalty lies. After every word you said... and you supposedly think words are almighty... welll im sorry when i don't believe you when you let your words fall empty on rotten ground. love, to hate, to always being there, to choosing the other side... i've seen it before. who hasn't thankyou for proving your human. a play, a play on lives not words. so true... you like the ending i hope.. you win you know. but so do i. you see it's over before it began. but please by all means play it out for your fantasies sake... i dont mind falling now to let you go. words don't have acid, they don't carry love... it's how you read them that decides what they say... One day you'll see that. wish i could see your face then.
now we are foes.. so be it, so be it then... let all your friends be agreed... I'm wicked through and through since i canot succeed in getting through to you i promise no good deed will i attempt to do for you... ever again.
secrets so many... choose your sides there is no neutral. thankyou... i guess, for making it clear... where your loyalty lies. After every word you said... and you supposedly think words are almighty... welll im sorry when i don't believe you when you let your words fall empty on rotten ground. love, to hate, to always being there, to choosing the other side... i've seen it before. who hasn't thankyou for proving your human. a play, a play on lives not words. so true... you like the ending i hope.. you win you know. but so do i. you see it's over before it began. but please by all means play it out for your fantasies sake... i dont mind falling now to let you go. words don't have acid, they don't carry love... it's how you read them that decides what they say... One day you'll see that. wish i could see your face then.
now we are foes.. so be it, so be it then... let all your friends be agreed... I'm wicked through and through since i canot succeed in getting through to you i promise no good deed will i attempt to do for you... ever again.
Posted by
madsie
make-believe
Alone in a past, so cold it shouldn't last. I was hoping, and praying that you heard what i was saying. Knowing it was through and there was nothing I could do. made it hard to go on, and it took away my song. Hurting and scared, to know that you weren't there, Hurting and scared... to know that you didn't care.
To know the past is to remember and to learn. To know the present is to pay attention. And to know the future is to be a fool.
Things change, people change, beliefs, ideas and dreams change. let it be what it is, because that is how it must be. I;m no god, I'm no prophet and i don't pretend to be. We're just human so that is how we should be... i think that makes sense ... no? Believing in yourself so much you have become corrupt... Everyone has a life, and there is no way you can say that you know how someone else's life will turn out. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way i mean COME ON how much power are you saying you have by saying you know what their life will be like!? Why... you might as well be saying you're gods equal or better.
I mean sure, if you're that shallow... go ahead and stereotype your comrads... go ahead and label them with a stereotype and future... but don't be surprised when again and again you find yourself alone, when you think all you did was help. As a friend i say "step back..." or you will end up corrupt by false power, alone and verrry synical. As a human being living through your... well, your half empty glass life i say "get over it all and let it go" because no one likes to be labelled and you're not helping anyone... or making yourself look better. you look like a small child who has nothing better to do then stereotype people. i Mean cmon we all did that as kids... OOOO look piercings and wierd hair... mummy are they on drugs!? But now... aren't we all so much better then that? haven't we all come so far from those kids!? don't prove me wrong... again.
I'm not god, I'm just a girl witnessing your ruin.
To know the past is to remember and to learn. To know the present is to pay attention. And to know the future is to be a fool.
Things change, people change, beliefs, ideas and dreams change. let it be what it is, because that is how it must be. I;m no god, I'm no prophet and i don't pretend to be. We're just human so that is how we should be... i think that makes sense ... no? Believing in yourself so much you have become corrupt... Everyone has a life, and there is no way you can say that you know how someone else's life will turn out. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way i mean COME ON how much power are you saying you have by saying you know what their life will be like!? Why... you might as well be saying you're gods equal or better.
I mean sure, if you're that shallow... go ahead and stereotype your comrads... go ahead and label them with a stereotype and future... but don't be surprised when again and again you find yourself alone, when you think all you did was help. As a friend i say "step back..." or you will end up corrupt by false power, alone and verrry synical. As a human being living through your... well, your half empty glass life i say "get over it all and let it go" because no one likes to be labelled and you're not helping anyone... or making yourself look better. you look like a small child who has nothing better to do then stereotype people. i Mean cmon we all did that as kids... OOOO look piercings and wierd hair... mummy are they on drugs!? But now... aren't we all so much better then that? haven't we all come so far from those kids!? don't prove me wrong... again.
I'm not god, I'm just a girl witnessing your ruin.
Posted by
madsie
back at cha
one day i'll turn around and scream and then you won't know, you won't know what happened to, that little girl who used to let you, walk all over her. you know? that one who'd smile and tell you how, you were great, well listen now. A chocolate pipe, tempered right, does snap with an almighty sound. and that is she, the quiet girl in me, has snapped and is no longer around.
you weren't my favourite being, we knew this from the beginning... but still i tried and oh my yes, i lied... to make you feel like you were winning. For once in your life you had the chance, to feel on top of the world BUT YOU DIDN'T DANCE! Awefully sorry it hit you in the face my dear chum.
you weren't my favourite being, we knew this from the beginning... but still i tried and oh my yes, i lied... to make you feel like you were winning. For once in your life you had the chance, to feel on top of the world BUT YOU DIDN'T DANCE! Awefully sorry it hit you in the face my dear chum.
Posted by
madsie
watch this.
someone did ask me if i was a good person. Honestly, being me, I can't answer that for I don't know. But my answer i thought was fair, because I do think I am good. But I do know that I have realised that in letting everyone get whatever they want I'm wasting away my chances, and that's not good enough to me. So I know lately I haven't been as good to people. So my answer was; Only when it counts.
only when it counts. I have my life, and everyone else has there's. of course I understand, I mean, was i ever seeking good, or just seeking attention... it's a good question. Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?
bladidadiblah. i wish i had a point. and then this would be easier
only when it counts. I have my life, and everyone else has there's. of course I understand, I mean, was i ever seeking good, or just seeking attention... it's a good question. Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?
bladidadiblah. i wish i had a point. and then this would be easier
Posted by
madsie
ahmah
money money money. must be funny, in a rich mans world. *sigh* a young girl with a simple wish to be emersed in theatre. but money says no. I may admire him, and you may have similarities... but he is a man, you are a small, sad, pathetic immature boy. i knew i said i wouldn't, and people said i shouldn't but im tired of playing it cool, im tired of looking the fool.
Posted by
madsie
200th post
and there you have it folks another hundred posts. i need a life. they're not even interesting posts *sigh* lol.
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
shakespear destroys fairy tale endings and therefore isn't my favourite person in the world atm... but that statement is true and beautiful. people should learn to live by that... So many people lie to themselves about how their lives are and what they are etc... and therefore can't be true about themselves to other people.
i had a thought the other day, during a fight and i thought it was a good thought and that i'd write it down :)
i have been said to be crass and blunt... to care of only myself and not others in that i don't change myself to a situation at hand... well first of all i do thankyou all the same but anyway.
so i thought to myself, the person who said these things, walks through life with the soul aim of getting people to like them. and i thought, what a terrible way to be. I mean i live to please, parents, friends, teachers etc ofcourse but i don't live and change myself specifically to get someone to like me. and that's when i had my thought, and that thought was; i am like a magnet, and no... not in the 'everyone is drawn to me' way, but in the, 'I am me and i have a magnetic force, this can draw or repel people. as i walk through life it's like dragging a magnet across a desk top. some are plastic or paper or the wrong end of the magnet and either simply don't cling to the magnet as it passes or are repelled away. but the others, like paper clips etc which are magnetic are drawn to this magnet and stick to it. i see people should be like this magnet. walk through your life, and the right people WILL be drawn to you and will stick by you always, and the wrong people will not. instead of changing yourself when you're with different people so everyone starts off liking you and then later finding out who your true friends are by watching those plastics fall away.
it's hard to let it make sense on paper... but it sounded good in my head. anyway my point was, to be yourself... and that just came out as a good explanation. :)
Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep! It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes, and leap!It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down. Words that people should understand. But without turning wicked :P
I'm through accepting limits, 'Cuz someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but 'till I try, I'll never know. This, this two sentences are what i feel now, in a nutshell this is where im at. Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much to high a cost. Again this is how i feel, i lived to love and to be loved and that proved not to be what it was and now I'll try defying gravity, kiss me goodbye i'm defying gravity. to all the people that i hurt and all the choices they made i didn't like, i've had a change of heart and... I hope you're happy I really hope you get it, And you don't live to regret it.
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
shakespear destroys fairy tale endings and therefore isn't my favourite person in the world atm... but that statement is true and beautiful. people should learn to live by that... So many people lie to themselves about how their lives are and what they are etc... and therefore can't be true about themselves to other people.
i had a thought the other day, during a fight and i thought it was a good thought and that i'd write it down :)
i have been said to be crass and blunt... to care of only myself and not others in that i don't change myself to a situation at hand... well first of all i do thankyou all the same but anyway.
so i thought to myself, the person who said these things, walks through life with the soul aim of getting people to like them. and i thought, what a terrible way to be. I mean i live to please, parents, friends, teachers etc ofcourse but i don't live and change myself specifically to get someone to like me. and that's when i had my thought, and that thought was; i am like a magnet, and no... not in the 'everyone is drawn to me' way, but in the, 'I am me and i have a magnetic force, this can draw or repel people. as i walk through life it's like dragging a magnet across a desk top. some are plastic or paper or the wrong end of the magnet and either simply don't cling to the magnet as it passes or are repelled away. but the others, like paper clips etc which are magnetic are drawn to this magnet and stick to it. i see people should be like this magnet. walk through your life, and the right people WILL be drawn to you and will stick by you always, and the wrong people will not. instead of changing yourself when you're with different people so everyone starts off liking you and then later finding out who your true friends are by watching those plastics fall away.
it's hard to let it make sense on paper... but it sounded good in my head. anyway my point was, to be yourself... and that just came out as a good explanation. :)
Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep! It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes, and leap!It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down. Words that people should understand. But without turning wicked :P
I'm through accepting limits, 'Cuz someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but 'till I try, I'll never know. This, this two sentences are what i feel now, in a nutshell this is where im at. Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much to high a cost. Again this is how i feel, i lived to love and to be loved and that proved not to be what it was and now I'll try defying gravity, kiss me goodbye i'm defying gravity. to all the people that i hurt and all the choices they made i didn't like, i've had a change of heart and... I hope you're happy I really hope you get it, And you don't live to regret it.
Posted by
madsie
missing you
time goes on and winds will switch but still i will be missing you, songs are sung but the words do change, and still i go on missing you. Forever and a day Can pass before i could say that i'd never miss you again, i miss you always my friend.
memory, all alone in the moonlight, i can smile at the old days... i was beautiful then i remember a time i knew what happiness was... let the memory live again. someone mutters, a street lamp stutters and soon it will be morning... alone in the dark, no light... not a spark. It's faded till it's gone coz the place i have come from... is where i left it all to rest. Back here at the start i have finally found my heart... for it is where it should have been... but where i couldn't see. touch me, it's so easy to leave me, all alone with a memory... of my days in the sun, let the memory live again... but a new day has begun.
bag in my past, one that couldn't last, i know i have moved on, i have been for so long... but i stopped myself from seeing, the knew person i was being... and it hurts to now realise i was believing my own lies
memory, all alone in the moonlight, i can smile at the old days... i was beautiful then i remember a time i knew what happiness was... let the memory live again. someone mutters, a street lamp stutters and soon it will be morning... alone in the dark, no light... not a spark. It's faded till it's gone coz the place i have come from... is where i left it all to rest. Back here at the start i have finally found my heart... for it is where it should have been... but where i couldn't see. touch me, it's so easy to leave me, all alone with a memory... of my days in the sun, let the memory live again... but a new day has begun.
bag in my past, one that couldn't last, i know i have moved on, i have been for so long... but i stopped myself from seeing, the knew person i was being... and it hurts to now realise i was believing my own lies
Posted by
madsie
HELLO
hello loyal readers... yes it is I maddy... i am currently in melbourne! cold... wet... melbourne :P having an awesome time. Just a little check in cause i havent blogged for weelll ages... about the ossum stuff i've done so far.
Ok first off i was staying at my old neighbours house. so it was like being back on my street again and living there, except i was in my neighbours house and sum crazies were living in my garage... :S. yes welll, Ryan and Pat took me around Melbourne City and we speent the day getting lost and taking swine flu fotos. I managed to run into a star bucks by complete accident and started jumping around and demanded they let me go in... possibly now they think im wierd. We went down to St Kilda beach for sum swine flu fotos out on the pier... and yes i froze my ass off out there but the fotos look hot ;) It was a pretty cool day, we came back and i believe we might have played like buzz or sumthing, im not sure... and i saw my old babysitter which was kinda wierd. I must now admit to losing by ALOT at buzz :(
MOVIES. next day woopdeedoo we went and saw transformers. Which was quite awesome and yes we took some more swine flu photos in the cinema. And then we went crazy strike bowling. but before that we ended up with like 2 hours to waist and we found a little photo booth thing and took random photos for awhile... nothing wierd. Lots of photos and lots of fun, played singstar for a bit and got some lovely footage for my project, thanks guys :P some more buzz and yes i lost again... :(
last day at ryans. took some more photos outside my old house, and had to bail if someone turned up. off to jordies house. she took me up to Knox for the day and oh what random fun we had, We took random photos, had some coffee... saw richmond supporters being exterminated... tryd on ossum clothes, realised the new fashion coming in is dresses with zips at the front, very inviting no? And i met some of her friends and got some luvly photos :P
then at mels house... we ate popcorn (always excellent) and made pizza dough... welll she did and i tried to help :P Talked lots, lots of catching up to do you see... :P and that ended that day
next day i went out to see WICKED. and it was amazing! It was soooo good and i spent so much on murchandise... :D got some star bux pressies for people too (y) and took some funny fotos around the city with jordy. now back at mels preparing for a movie marathon day tomorrow (y) woo woo life is good
trahhh
Ok first off i was staying at my old neighbours house. so it was like being back on my street again and living there, except i was in my neighbours house and sum crazies were living in my garage... :S. yes welll, Ryan and Pat took me around Melbourne City and we speent the day getting lost and taking swine flu fotos. I managed to run into a star bucks by complete accident and started jumping around and demanded they let me go in... possibly now they think im wierd. We went down to St Kilda beach for sum swine flu fotos out on the pier... and yes i froze my ass off out there but the fotos look hot ;) It was a pretty cool day, we came back and i believe we might have played like buzz or sumthing, im not sure... and i saw my old babysitter which was kinda wierd. I must now admit to losing by ALOT at buzz :(
MOVIES. next day woopdeedoo we went and saw transformers. Which was quite awesome and yes we took some more swine flu photos in the cinema. And then we went crazy strike bowling. but before that we ended up with like 2 hours to waist and we found a little photo booth thing and took random photos for awhile... nothing wierd. Lots of photos and lots of fun, played singstar for a bit and got some lovely footage for my project, thanks guys :P some more buzz and yes i lost again... :(
last day at ryans. took some more photos outside my old house, and had to bail if someone turned up. off to jordies house. she took me up to Knox for the day and oh what random fun we had, We took random photos, had some coffee... saw richmond supporters being exterminated... tryd on ossum clothes, realised the new fashion coming in is dresses with zips at the front, very inviting no? And i met some of her friends and got some luvly photos :P
then at mels house... we ate popcorn (always excellent) and made pizza dough... welll she did and i tried to help :P Talked lots, lots of catching up to do you see... :P and that ended that day
next day i went out to see WICKED. and it was amazing! It was soooo good and i spent so much on murchandise... :D got some star bux pressies for people too (y) and took some funny fotos around the city with jordy. now back at mels preparing for a movie marathon day tomorrow (y) woo woo life is good
trahhh
Posted by
madsie
all i wanna do is find a way back into love
yes world... i have falled.
i swore i'd never love again but then pop goes my heart.
lyrics so true it makes me laugh.
I always feel like dancing, i always just wanna sing... i always smile whenever i ssee him. He makes me laugh along, he makes me need to be strong... he's keeping me above the water, no i dont wanna sink below the water... no more. It's a strange uplifting pull... to need to hold on so i can stay at his level. to not worry about how i look when i dance, to not worry about how i sound when i sing, and when i laugh instead of hitting that note. To not care about my hair, or how that stain got there... im happy to just be me, to smile and feel free. I feel the need to stay on top, to control myself, and never drop... but in a totally awesome way. keeping it together and i'll find my way
i swore i'd never love again but then pop goes my heart.
lyrics so true it makes me laugh.
I always feel like dancing, i always just wanna sing... i always smile whenever i ssee him. He makes me laugh along, he makes me need to be strong... he's keeping me above the water, no i dont wanna sink below the water... no more. It's a strange uplifting pull... to need to hold on so i can stay at his level. to not worry about how i look when i dance, to not worry about how i sound when i sing, and when i laugh instead of hitting that note. To not care about my hair, or how that stain got there... im happy to just be me, to smile and feel free. I feel the need to stay on top, to control myself, and never drop... but in a totally awesome way. keeping it together and i'll find my way
Posted by
madsie
pop goes my heart
I swore i'd never fall in love again but then pop goes my heart.
Sitting alone, all the others at home, i'm just trying to sort myself out, just trying to figure this life out.
Lying awake, but my heart it don't break cause im tired of letting myself down, im sick of the choices that brought you around.
you were a mistake, one i had to make, so i could be stronger, so i could belong here.
when i hit rock bottom The only way is up, can't go down so i turn around it's time to try my luck. I will never give up my right, my right to be wrong, it's what keeps me going strong.
For so long i saught you out, wishing you'd come about, hoping for your love and dreaming of your touch. thinking it's all ok, that was just yesterday, we could be ok, it wouldn't take too much. but if i didn't mean it then i wouldn't say it. Why am i writing this song. Pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away, Holding on to a love gone wrong just trying to get through another day... what am i tryna say? If i am over it somehow not thinking of you now then why... am i writing this song, if that was just yesterday and now it's all ok then why, am i writing this song. Pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away, holding on to a love gone wrong just tryna get through another day, Someone else's bliss can't live like this there's a life out there i know i'll miss... if im stuck like this. This time i let it go, wanted you to know, i was stronger and i had a whole new show. I say that i am fine and remember when you were mine, i say that im over it, that was another time. But if im so, sure of, my feelings, this time, then why... am i writing this song. If im so over, over it so past it gone from it then why, am i writing this song. if im so stronger, brighter then that girl who went to plan then why, am i writing this song. pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away. holding on to a love gone wrong just tryna get through another day, someone else's bliss cant live like this there's a life out there i know ill miss... if im stuck like this... If im so over over it so past it gone from it then why... can i not let go... If im so over over it so past it gone from it then why... am i writing this song, if im so stronger brighter then that girl who went to plan then why... am i writing this song, why... can i not let go, can i not let go... Lying here i dream of you i wander if you're dreaming too i know there's nothing i can do but i... i still love you.
Those are two songs i wrote once that have been buzzing around my head annoying me, so i thought i'd write them out. I can remember, for the second one at least the long days spent at the piano as i plunked it out and found it's melody. it's calming for me, to write a song... i'm not very good but i like it. Sittin there, putting my words and feelings to a melody that i find on the piano is one of the most magical things i do. i can remember fooling around on the guitar and piano trying to find the melody to suit this piece... i can remember every time i got annoyed, or tired or laughed or finally found the right note. it seems an age away now... and an age away i almost performed it, although that was in fact only last week. feelings, old memories... w/e Even though the lyrics don't stand true for me now... whenever i start to play the beginning chords to it on the piano every memory of those feelings comes flooding back... it's my gateway to part of my past. this is what music means to me, this is what my life is.
Sitting alone, all the others at home, i'm just trying to sort myself out, just trying to figure this life out.
Lying awake, but my heart it don't break cause im tired of letting myself down, im sick of the choices that brought you around.
you were a mistake, one i had to make, so i could be stronger, so i could belong here.
when i hit rock bottom The only way is up, can't go down so i turn around it's time to try my luck. I will never give up my right, my right to be wrong, it's what keeps me going strong.
For so long i saught you out, wishing you'd come about, hoping for your love and dreaming of your touch. thinking it's all ok, that was just yesterday, we could be ok, it wouldn't take too much. but if i didn't mean it then i wouldn't say it. Why am i writing this song. Pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away, Holding on to a love gone wrong just trying to get through another day... what am i tryna say? If i am over it somehow not thinking of you now then why... am i writing this song, if that was just yesterday and now it's all ok then why, am i writing this song. Pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away, holding on to a love gone wrong just tryna get through another day, Someone else's bliss can't live like this there's a life out there i know i'll miss... if im stuck like this. This time i let it go, wanted you to know, i was stronger and i had a whole new show. I say that i am fine and remember when you were mine, i say that im over it, that was another time. But if im so, sure of, my feelings, this time, then why... am i writing this song. If im so over, over it so past it gone from it then why, am i writing this song. if im so stronger, brighter then that girl who went to plan then why, am i writing this song. pushed away and my records play it's all i have when you walk away. holding on to a love gone wrong just tryna get through another day, someone else's bliss cant live like this there's a life out there i know ill miss... if im stuck like this... If im so over over it so past it gone from it then why... can i not let go... If im so over over it so past it gone from it then why... am i writing this song, if im so stronger brighter then that girl who went to plan then why... am i writing this song, why... can i not let go, can i not let go... Lying here i dream of you i wander if you're dreaming too i know there's nothing i can do but i... i still love you.
Those are two songs i wrote once that have been buzzing around my head annoying me, so i thought i'd write them out. I can remember, for the second one at least the long days spent at the piano as i plunked it out and found it's melody. it's calming for me, to write a song... i'm not very good but i like it. Sittin there, putting my words and feelings to a melody that i find on the piano is one of the most magical things i do. i can remember fooling around on the guitar and piano trying to find the melody to suit this piece... i can remember every time i got annoyed, or tired or laughed or finally found the right note. it seems an age away now... and an age away i almost performed it, although that was in fact only last week. feelings, old memories... w/e Even though the lyrics don't stand true for me now... whenever i start to play the beginning chords to it on the piano every memory of those feelings comes flooding back... it's my gateway to part of my past. this is what music means to me, this is what my life is.
Posted by
madsie
whenever i try
Whenever i try the opposite happens. When i tried to get over him, i failed... it wasn't until i gave up trying that i realised i was over him. When I tried to be nice to... welll, I ended up a complete bitch. When i try for his attention i end up giving him her attention. when i try to act, i end up in hysterics...
what have i learnt?
so... i know some people are a tad angry at little old me now, for things ive done. but let me just say my latest oops... was fricken legit! it wasn't till after i'd done it that i realised how... it might, um offend... someone *tugs colar* ok accident!! i'm not really a complete bitch, i just come across as one. ok that was a completely profesional suggestion and im sorry that i made that person mad/upset ok!?
IT WAS ALL PROFESIONAL I SWEAR
but then again, if im gonna say all that's professional then i'd have to say all the good is just professional :( dam... oh well maybe i'll have to take it and say i meant it to get a little action ;)
what have i learnt?
so... i know some people are a tad angry at little old me now, for things ive done. but let me just say my latest oops... was fricken legit! it wasn't till after i'd done it that i realised how... it might, um offend... someone *tugs colar* ok accident!! i'm not really a complete bitch, i just come across as one. ok that was a completely profesional suggestion and im sorry that i made that person mad/upset ok!?
IT WAS ALL PROFESIONAL I SWEAR
but then again, if im gonna say all that's professional then i'd have to say all the good is just professional :( dam... oh well maybe i'll have to take it and say i meant it to get a little action ;)
Posted by
madsie
me and you
if you can't take me when i'm tough, then you're the one who's giving up, if you can't take me when i'm wrong then you're here humming the wrong song. if you're too scared to take a hit, then you don't get me, not one bit. if you can't stand while i yell, then it's you not me who will be felled
Posted by
madsie
error of my ways
I do know who i've done wrong... and I don't thrive off the tention or anything like that, but I simply do what must be done. The words that were relayed to me bore nothing but the bad tidings of what was going on. I knew then that it had to stop, i knew then that I had to stop. I like to play, to flirt and to toy... and I know who does and who doesn't deserve that. I know that he who is not strong enough does not deserve it. Without sounding too... up myself, i believe myself to be the stronger character here. in the story, he is the sad, pittied one... I am the rough, untouchable one... and that is how it is. He is wise in many ways yes, but in the ways of life itself he seems lost, confused and so young. I too am just young and have a lot to learn... but I have made better use of the things I have seen and read. I learnt a long time ago that befriending people is not for me... To become close to anyone is not where I am headed in life, I do not think I will say end up dying alone because I can love stronger than anything else and to be loved is all I desire, but I distance myself until I know it's worth it. I can see where i gave him false hope, and I can see when I acted simply for my own benifit before thinking of him, but that's ok... I am here going through my life and every now and then I deserve to call the shots.
to hear what's said when i'm not around made me realise what was going on... False messages again, hopes that shouldn't have been born and no matter what was said the knowledge that nothing would be good enough. Talking, flirting, laughing, manipulating... they're not the same thing. they don't work together, i thought i made it clear, but there's no stopping this hope. it's naive and strong and I admire it in him... I don't know what the hope is for now as i gave up questioning when i realised the danger it put me in. But i know there's hope, perhaps for a motherly figure to care, perhaps for a love still, perhaps for a friend who won't leave... all i know is that any of those is something i can't deliver and don't choose to.
i'm glad i can make him smile, im glad i can do something good. but it's gone on far too long, the shadows covering it all up. if it was clear what was felt then it would be easier to know what to say and do... but as i am unsure of what is felt and thought the easiest thing here for me is to detach myself from the situation, cold turkey hurts but is an effective way so i've heard.
to hear what's said when i'm not around made me realise what was going on... False messages again, hopes that shouldn't have been born and no matter what was said the knowledge that nothing would be good enough. Talking, flirting, laughing, manipulating... they're not the same thing. they don't work together, i thought i made it clear, but there's no stopping this hope. it's naive and strong and I admire it in him... I don't know what the hope is for now as i gave up questioning when i realised the danger it put me in. But i know there's hope, perhaps for a motherly figure to care, perhaps for a love still, perhaps for a friend who won't leave... all i know is that any of those is something i can't deliver and don't choose to.
i'm glad i can make him smile, im glad i can do something good. but it's gone on far too long, the shadows covering it all up. if it was clear what was felt then it would be easier to know what to say and do... but as i am unsure of what is felt and thought the easiest thing here for me is to detach myself from the situation, cold turkey hurts but is an effective way so i've heard.
Posted by
madsie
i hope you see
For reaching too far infront, and talking about things that you have no idea about... i hope you now see. for every word you spoke outa line, and everytime you pretended i was yours... for every dream you let swing loose and every time you wouldn't listen i hope you now see. For every stupid word you said... and every hope that isn't yet dead, for every smile you did for me and every time you failed to see... i hope now you see.
does it hurt just a little bit now? can you feel it clearer now!? do you understand anything now... i hope you see now. From every smile i shot your way, and every time that i would say i hope you realise the truth i hope you see now. I'm an actor at her best... i hate to tell you the rest... of how i know who wins I do... oh yes i know who comes out on top. I'm an actor at her best, i think you can figure out the rest... It's not a lie I say to you, but a character i try on for you. I'm not that girl you've come to know... i'm not the girl you thought i was... i'm not the girl you did once love... i'm not that girl at all nu uh.
I have told you once before, how i can smile and seem to ignore. any pain that comes my way, well i can smile to make your day. i know just the things to say, to get you to do it my way, i know all the things to do, to make it seem like im smiling for you. When i'm mad i just don't care, and i know it's slightly unfair... that i have this over you when there's nothing you can do. I wish i wasn't so angry, and then i might just be, a little more compasionate, and who could tell what would come from that.
i think back over what you've done, and all the times it's you who made me won... i know i'd be so much less, if you hadn't tried your best. i don't kid and simply say, that i'm a heartless bitch today... i feel, i love and cry... and if i didn't care i wouldn't try... but you pulled my final straw, i was blessed because i was lead by you... but you held on too long and now i know your welcome has worn and it's time for this to end. i'm sick of lying to you, i'm sick of playing your friend. I know you see and that's why you shell up... i know deep down you know this time it's up. I'm sorry if it hurts to walk awayy, i'm sorry but there's nothing i can say... i wish you could know it now, i wish you'd feel it right some how, but no i have to lie, and now i watch you cry... because of my doing... but if you hated me then that would be ok... at least the decision would be made.
i'm sorry it happend like that no truly i really am. i'm sorry you saw that underneath all of my smiles and polite chit chat i was nothing more then that. i'm sorry i lied to you and pulled the carpet from beneath your flying feet. but a slap to the face was the only way, you wouldn't wake up any other day. let this signal the end... let this pave the way for you to walk into the light, into the future without fright. let this pave your way away from these saddening days.
does it hurt just a little bit now? can you feel it clearer now!? do you understand anything now... i hope you see now. From every smile i shot your way, and every time that i would say i hope you realise the truth i hope you see now. I'm an actor at her best... i hate to tell you the rest... of how i know who wins I do... oh yes i know who comes out on top. I'm an actor at her best, i think you can figure out the rest... It's not a lie I say to you, but a character i try on for you. I'm not that girl you've come to know... i'm not the girl you thought i was... i'm not the girl you did once love... i'm not that girl at all nu uh.
I have told you once before, how i can smile and seem to ignore. any pain that comes my way, well i can smile to make your day. i know just the things to say, to get you to do it my way, i know all the things to do, to make it seem like im smiling for you. When i'm mad i just don't care, and i know it's slightly unfair... that i have this over you when there's nothing you can do. I wish i wasn't so angry, and then i might just be, a little more compasionate, and who could tell what would come from that.
i think back over what you've done, and all the times it's you who made me won... i know i'd be so much less, if you hadn't tried your best. i don't kid and simply say, that i'm a heartless bitch today... i feel, i love and cry... and if i didn't care i wouldn't try... but you pulled my final straw, i was blessed because i was lead by you... but you held on too long and now i know your welcome has worn and it's time for this to end. i'm sick of lying to you, i'm sick of playing your friend. I know you see and that's why you shell up... i know deep down you know this time it's up. I'm sorry if it hurts to walk awayy, i'm sorry but there's nothing i can say... i wish you could know it now, i wish you'd feel it right some how, but no i have to lie, and now i watch you cry... because of my doing... but if you hated me then that would be ok... at least the decision would be made.
i'm sorry it happend like that no truly i really am. i'm sorry you saw that underneath all of my smiles and polite chit chat i was nothing more then that. i'm sorry i lied to you and pulled the carpet from beneath your flying feet. but a slap to the face was the only way, you wouldn't wake up any other day. let this signal the end... let this pave the way for you to walk into the light, into the future without fright. let this pave your way away from these saddening days.
Posted by
madsie
read before you say i love you
Before you let the feelings flow there's only one thing you should know... it's not about the things that come, it's not about what's done is done. Give yourself a break and simply take a moment as it comes. think a little first, but before your heart does burst... however vague it goes, just make sure that person knows. It's ok to be afraid, a choice is never easily maid. but it's ok to take a chance, no matter wot happened before. it's cool to take it slow but just remember to let them no.
but to say these words ever please think before you do, please know that they are true or the path will fall under you.
Posted by
madsie
what could be better then that
near.. far, where ever you are... i believe that the heart does go on.
For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby. Just because i've walked past, and I'm moving on at last doesn't mean i'm never thinking back... doesn't mean i've turned my back.
for all the joys i see ahead, and all the ways i am not dead i know that life is kind to me and there are still wonders im left to see, For all the times i fell down, and every time i wore a frown i know a joy will soon be born for there will be calm after the storm.
For all the love i let slip by, and all the times i was to cry I wondered if i'd make it through, i knew there was something i could do. For every day i live again, and every time that's not my end i thank the world that i am me and that i can settle with being me.
i know it isn't much in the way of me... so let's try a little into maddies heart and soul. once given to a boy is nothing more then just a toy, once given back in parts is never again whole... but i have worked hard to get to where i was before it all went wrong, before he took my song. I loved but two in this world... and i'm not sorry i did. for love is why i'm here, to feel and learn and tear. I know i always talk of love but that is because that is who i am. love is my life, love is my song, for me love can do no wrong. Love is all i feel as i look around the sky... love is all i need as i walk into the night. i know i can make mistakes but i know ive got what it takes, to be happy in love, sent down from above and given to me.
I know i've fallen, and i know i feel free because i've gone on from a staleness that was eating away at me for some time. I know I will always find it hard to ever fully feel again since Ash, because he took my heart with him to the grave. And since him... most of my emotion is simple numbness. i tried to love again... and just failed and hurt him. I can't feel any strength of the emotion as it has all gone to the numbness. when i smile i feel truly happy... but it's only one shard of the shattered soul i once had. When i laugh and cry it's honest emotion... but if you felt it the way i felt it you would feel a muted, muffled, fuzzy emotion trying to break through. I am scared to lead them on. anyone who would ever care, because i know i do not feel... i know i was shocked through when he died...
for all the times i held him close, and all the times i see his ghost... I will remember every time, i ever joined his soul with mine. Too bad the last and final time, i joined his empty soul with mine, was when he left this world of ours, and now he's taken me out of bounds. My soul and heart has gone, joined with him they too now have gone. but i can feel them renew their energy as i start to love again. As more and more i see, how much of him is in me... i know he never took my soul with him, but i kept his with me.
Posted by
madsie
someones always saying goodbye
Why do people fall in love And they end up cryingWhy do lovers walk away from themselvesWhen their hearts are breakingWhy does loving sometimes never stay longWhy does kissing this time Mean you'll be goneWhy does gladness become sadnessThings that I don't getSomeone's always saying goodbyeI believe it hurts when we cryDon't we know partings never so easyAnd with all the achings insideI believe some hearts won't surviveTrying hard to pretend That we're gonna be fineI could never really love Someone else but youI have never wanted anything else But a love so trueBut just like a dream That comes in the nightIn the morning you were out of my sightTurned away from meSadly as I seeAway from where I stand
Posted by
madsie
/exploding
i give up i like blogging so i just will... i'll just watch what i say :)
You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?' being happy is not the same as being optimistic... and this quote proves that. That's the difference between you and me, nothing is ever impossible to me... but i don't chase after the things that take more effort than they deserve to get.
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. a quote i wish to live by always. Just because i don't like you doesn't mean i won't treat you decently. but just because i'm treating you decently doesn't mean i like you.
A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. Sing, write, dance because you CAN not because you have reason to.
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. so wait for the darkness and see if they still shine and then you will know if they are infact worth it. To see a persons true self, watch them with a child or a pet.
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see I'm everything I am Because you loved me. And it's good for me to see, the things you brought to me that now i do not need but couldn't have gone without.
When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes. this is how i plan to live. Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul I will hold on all night and never let go Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes. This is my promise to me and to you, this is how i will be... i will lay down my life if that's what you need.
Just think twice, before you close that door
Posted by
madsie
blog no more
i regret to inform this blog is closed. Perhaps later when my faith in humanity returns and things settle down and stop being so ridiculous it will be re-opened. Until then, wish me luck and safe keeping.
Posted by
madsie
/better
ooo angry maddy.
nobodies perfect, nobody is expected to be... and please enjoy yourself arguing that statement, but nobody is. so stop trying so hard to be perfect. you're attempts make you look more feeble and desperate then you really are. you give yourself a bad name, when you could be so much more. you are such a sad little kid what else could i do but help you out a bit. get up, get off the ground away from the underneath of other peoples feet and start living. sure helping people is good, but i help people, everyone helps people... while still living. you can't give your life to someone else's needs, you only have one life to work so who cares if it's not perfect. we all go wrong, it's what makes our stories interesting. imagine someone trying to read your story, it would be dead boring... all about a push over that will make people just want to slap you and scream LIVE A LITTLE.
there's a bar, at one end there's people only looking out for number one, at the other there's people completely ignoring their own needs and wants to look out for number 4000001.
it's best to sit somewhere in the middle. You're going to waste your time here if you're helping others and forgetting yourself. sure you're putting yourself to good use, but what a life to remember hai? when you're on you're death bed. and you realised, you have nothing for yourself. all these other people outthere sure will but you won't. is it really enough for you to lie there dying, with no one caring about you thinking... "i had a good life look at all the people i helped. even if none of them are here now" you must be so empty inside. i hurt just thinking of how lonely it must be for you, and then i won't to shout at you because you do this by choice.
every second of every minute of every day of your life that you let go by, can never be re-lived. remember that. it can never be re-done if it wasn't what you wanted
nobodies perfect, nobody is expected to be... and please enjoy yourself arguing that statement, but nobody is. so stop trying so hard to be perfect. you're attempts make you look more feeble and desperate then you really are. you give yourself a bad name, when you could be so much more. you are such a sad little kid what else could i do but help you out a bit. get up, get off the ground away from the underneath of other peoples feet and start living. sure helping people is good, but i help people, everyone helps people... while still living. you can't give your life to someone else's needs, you only have one life to work so who cares if it's not perfect. we all go wrong, it's what makes our stories interesting. imagine someone trying to read your story, it would be dead boring... all about a push over that will make people just want to slap you and scream LIVE A LITTLE.
there's a bar, at one end there's people only looking out for number one, at the other there's people completely ignoring their own needs and wants to look out for number 4000001.
it's best to sit somewhere in the middle. You're going to waste your time here if you're helping others and forgetting yourself. sure you're putting yourself to good use, but what a life to remember hai? when you're on you're death bed. and you realised, you have nothing for yourself. all these other people outthere sure will but you won't. is it really enough for you to lie there dying, with no one caring about you thinking... "i had a good life look at all the people i helped. even if none of them are here now" you must be so empty inside. i hurt just thinking of how lonely it must be for you, and then i won't to shout at you because you do this by choice.
every second of every minute of every day of your life that you let go by, can never be re-lived. remember that. it can never be re-done if it wasn't what you wanted
Posted by
madsie
FUCK IT ALL
i quit. i quit my job, i quit my school, i quit your friendship, i quit my dreams, i quit my life
i'm not selfish, off myself... no i wouldn't you're an idiot if you would.
but i quit trying.
i fucking hate it all!
i hate the conversation i hate the waiting i hate every little thing that twinges at me trying to make me crack well WELL FREAKIN DONE IVE CRACKED.
my best friend and person i loved most in the world is dead. my love life failed. i currently have some wierd illness that is crippling me and hurts me like hell as well as freaking period cramps. i haven't slept in 4 nights because of night mares. horrible nightmares and the internet now hates me. i come home from a horrid work shift and want to watch the bloody end of titanic and it wont fricken let me... all i wanted was to watch the damn movie *breaks down to sobs*
i used to be so well put together, so in charge. and look at me now, a pathetic remnant of my former glory. i can't even look in the mirror without turning away in disgust, i don't know how anyone else could stand to look or be with me. what went wrong. why am i falling, why can't i hold on anymore... why do i need help
i'm not selfish, off myself... no i wouldn't you're an idiot if you would.
but i quit trying.
i fucking hate it all!
i hate the conversation i hate the waiting i hate every little thing that twinges at me trying to make me crack well WELL FREAKIN DONE IVE CRACKED.
my best friend and person i loved most in the world is dead. my love life failed. i currently have some wierd illness that is crippling me and hurts me like hell as well as freaking period cramps. i haven't slept in 4 nights because of night mares. horrible nightmares and the internet now hates me. i come home from a horrid work shift and want to watch the bloody end of titanic and it wont fricken let me... all i wanted was to watch the damn movie *breaks down to sobs*
i used to be so well put together, so in charge. and look at me now, a pathetic remnant of my former glory. i can't even look in the mirror without turning away in disgust, i don't know how anyone else could stand to look or be with me. what went wrong. why am i falling, why can't i hold on anymore... why do i need help
Posted by
madsie
me
emo: if that means being emotional then yes I am
depressed: if that means going to the doctor and a million different clinics for help then yes i am
in love: if that means getting butterflies and loving his smile then yes i am
tired: if that means no sleep for 4 nights and feeling like your life has become a marathon then yes I am
lonely: if that means missing everything you ever had and knowin it's not about no one caring for you, but about you not caring for anyone anymore then yes i am
hurting: if that means feeling wounds in your heart burning long after they should have healed then yes i am
hating: if that means dreading and feeling violent then yes, yes i am
scared: if that means scared to shut your eyes at night, scared to walk out of the house and scared to feel... then yes i am
my vice: i get bored of people.
my advice: don't get to know me, then i won't be able to know you enough to get bored of you.
fallen, yes i have falled his smile keeps calling me back again.
someone knew, someone else who gives me butterflies... someone who it doesn't hurt to love. it feels fresh and free and that one part of me is smiling. if nothing else is worth it, love always must be. if every other part of me might as well be dead... it's worth it if my heart still goes on
depressed: if that means going to the doctor and a million different clinics for help then yes i am
in love: if that means getting butterflies and loving his smile then yes i am
tired: if that means no sleep for 4 nights and feeling like your life has become a marathon then yes I am
lonely: if that means missing everything you ever had and knowin it's not about no one caring for you, but about you not caring for anyone anymore then yes i am
hurting: if that means feeling wounds in your heart burning long after they should have healed then yes i am
hating: if that means dreading and feeling violent then yes, yes i am
scared: if that means scared to shut your eyes at night, scared to walk out of the house and scared to feel... then yes i am
my vice: i get bored of people.
my advice: don't get to know me, then i won't be able to know you enough to get bored of you.
fallen, yes i have falled his smile keeps calling me back again.
someone knew, someone else who gives me butterflies... someone who it doesn't hurt to love. it feels fresh and free and that one part of me is smiling. if nothing else is worth it, love always must be. if every other part of me might as well be dead... it's worth it if my heart still goes on
Posted by
madsie
ready?
not ready!
i am dedicated to my blog, no no im just going crazy doing nothing... my computer was in reach, and while i can't be bothered talking to anyone i might as well blog a bit before i go completely insane no i don't remember what i was thinking when i wrote this but it's obvious i wasn't happy rofl
i am dedicated to my blog, no no im just going crazy doing nothing... my computer was in reach, and while i can't be bothered talking to anyone i might as well blog a bit before i go completely insane no i don't remember what i was thinking when i wrote this but it's obvious i wasn't happy rofl
Posted by
madsie
confused
blinded, but i could see
Deafened, yet i could hear
Silenced, but i could talk
Controlled, never free
It was a dark, yet enlightening time
Constricting, yet it opened my mind
Destructive, but built a better person
Memorable, I never forget a crime
Happy, to be upset
Lying, but saying what i meant
Dying, to live a little more
A crooked shape, the love was bent
I was singing, without real words
calling out, without being heard
dreaming, without meaning
presenting facts, to the world
so alone, but in a crowd
so conflicted, but sure and proud
so bewitched, but positive it was my choice
so dependent, i could have bowed
Believing all your lies
huddled by your side
stuck with wounded pride
remember why i cried
Deafened, yet i could hear
Silenced, but i could talk
Controlled, never free
It was a dark, yet enlightening time
Constricting, yet it opened my mind
Destructive, but built a better person
Memorable, I never forget a crime
Happy, to be upset
Lying, but saying what i meant
Dying, to live a little more
A crooked shape, the love was bent
I was singing, without real words
calling out, without being heard
dreaming, without meaning
presenting facts, to the world
so alone, but in a crowd
so conflicted, but sure and proud
so bewitched, but positive it was my choice
so dependent, i could have bowed
Believing all your lies
huddled by your side
stuck with wounded pride
remember why i cried
Posted by
madsie
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