it was my fucking call

AFTER EVERYTHING. AFTER ALL YOUR SHIT. ALL YOUR FUCKING EXCUSES. I PUT UP WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT AND YOU FUCKED IT.


so it was fine and i got past it i finally felt good again... good again without needing you to tell me too


and then you say that maybe you need me.

SO I DROP EVERYTHING.


to hear you out, and listen to your flattery and guess wot. LIKE YOU FUCKING SAID I'M A DUMB SHIT SO OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING FELL FOR IT YOU MORON HOW COULD YOU IM A FUCKING PERSON TOO.


i listen i care i bend over backwards to try and make you smile, soon it makes me smile when you say i made you smile. soon it's all to clear where im headed. So i seak help because i KNEW you would only hurt me again. and i promised to stay away for a month. i knew you wouldn't wait for me, so this was a good promise to make... there would be no heartache when i got back


AFTER EVERYTHING IT WAS MY FUCKING CALL TO MAKE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY IM UNTRUSTWORTHY NO FUCKING RIGHT. i dont even know which of your sentences are fact and which are fiction anymore and yet i trusted you fully.


i wanted it, but i knew it wouldn't work BUT THAT WAS MY CALL. whatever you think you are, you have no power of me now... im done letting you control me like a puppet.


im done being the little girl you can laugh at again and again, im done being her, im doing being here, im done.


but are you? are you done?

they're playing our song

ima write you a song to show you belong, ima sing you this song... it won't be very long, but when i show you this song, please know nothings wrong, for this is our song... and will always go on.

better run girl you're much too young girl. i'd better run now... i'm much too young now.

dont stand... dont stand so, dont stand so close to me i dont wanna get hurt you see.
you can win.. i know you can, just step in and you've won this hand, she wants him so badly... knows what she wants to be... you don't need weapons, you've got it all there, now whatever happens... whatever happens...

you stand, you stand so, you stand so close to me and im yours... young boy you're out of your mind.. your love for me is fake and unkind... I'd better run now, i have to win somehow.

dream to me

Sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...

Power

Dream to me, share with me your dreams and wishes... dream to me... and let me understand.

Dream with me, and watch the adventures take place... dream with me... i need you to

Dream of me, and see what i am worth... dream of me... it's time we found my place


Sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...

Friendship

Dream to me, tell me your deepest thoughts... dream to me... i long to see

Dream with me, let me lend something to you... dream with me... feel our strength

Dream of me, I'll dream of you... dream of me... i need you to


sometimes things can only happen in your dreams...

love

Dream for me... when i cant.



Sometimes things can only happen in our dreams... so curl up, sleep tight... and I'll see you there <3

easier, better, righter... wrong

would it be easier just to hate you, but would i feel better if i let myself love you... would i be right to wait for a bit, would i be wrong to think this is it.

Would it be easy just to slide back in, to that time when i felt like i was flying... but would it be better, righter... or wrong.

what would it be... what would i be... :P

this holiday season

Everything comes to a head this holiday season. Come New Years Eve and i will mourn the passing of a woman so strong and beautiful that she was once my role model. A woman who died two years ago that night in a car accident that wasn't her fault. Life is cruel... but it is heartless in death. Travelling as usual i never saw her... i never made it to her funeral... travellingas always as this is what i am.

In 2 months time i'll be back there, in our house. What if im in the same room?what if i have to sleep in the same bed? The first time in a year i'll be walking in thosefootsteps i thought i'd never have to face. Remembering the last time i was in thatroom, remembering what happened. Remembering that night and the morning after. I thought i'd faced it already going back... but how could i... i was in a different area, Ionly saw the same places... i wasn't where i all happened. Where everything good ended. Travelling as usual was our thing, we travelled to see each other becausewe needed each other. Travelling as always as this is what i am.

No fears no regrets... wouldn't that be nice

i made a mistake i just can't fix, i was born with pride that got me into this... I'm blind and i cried, we're all here but we've died... I'm struggling to see what will come of this.

pressure, faults, mistakes, stress... it's hard to see what's right and what's real anymore and I'm scared