this holiday season

Everything comes to a head this holiday season. Come New Years Eve and i will mourn the passing of a woman so strong and beautiful that she was once my role model. A woman who died two years ago that night in a car accident that wasn't her fault. Life is cruel... but it is heartless in death. Travelling as usual i never saw her... i never made it to her funeral... travellingas always as this is what i am.

In 2 months time i'll be back there, in our house. What if im in the same room?what if i have to sleep in the same bed? The first time in a year i'll be walking in thosefootsteps i thought i'd never have to face. Remembering the last time i was in thatroom, remembering what happened. Remembering that night and the morning after. I thought i'd faced it already going back... but how could i... i was in a different area, Ionly saw the same places... i wasn't where i all happened. Where everything good ended. Travelling as usual was our thing, we travelled to see each other becausewe needed each other. Travelling as always as this is what i am.

No fears no regrets... wouldn't that be nice

i made a mistake i just can't fix, i was born with pride that got me into this... I'm blind and i cried, we're all here but we've died... I'm struggling to see what will come of this.

pressure, faults, mistakes, stress... it's hard to see what's right and what's real anymore and I'm scared