are u a complete idiot

it's called sluething in order to have all the facts, no one can know you have all the facts... if you tell someone parts of your knowledge that they're not meant to know, then they'll change their part.. so your facts are wrong, and then you look like the idiot for not knowing what you thought you did.

when you read into things that people say to you, and jump to conclusions... without searcing for the actual truth, that's when you fail yourself. Knowledge isn't a guesssing game, the truth isn't a riddle it isn't a puzzle to piece together with DIY pieces... with a piece missing, there is no truth.

could this be possible, is a question always answered with yes... but the could be doesn't mean it is. You can't assume anything if you want to bare the knowledge. It's dissapointing that she goes on about needing to know everything and that she has brilliant skills at finding what she needs to know... when she fails at the basics... it's depressing for her to undermine my genius like that. I wish to scream at her and point out how idiotic she is... but no i won't because that's part of knowing everything... in order to know everything, someone else can't know everything too, in order to keep what you have, don't share it.

lie to me

go on, everyone else does, everyone else thinks i'm foolish enough to accept their lies. everyone else thinks they can get away with it. you go too, i'm waiting, impress me with your lying skills and see how long it takes me to pick it up. where's my karma coming from exactly, where are my friends ideas coming from, how come they plant these horrible ideas into my head... ideas about you i don't want to think... but i know could be true from your past. but then 2 seconds later i can't stay mad because i just melt at your touch. it's a good feeling don't get me wrong, but i wish i could keep my stance. all the past is just a lesson that we've learnt.

I'ts just cause i hate you

you look like a fool to me, but that's just to me, the way you're acting like somebody else gets me frustrated.

life's like this, but you can't go with what you get... why can't you just go with it. i'm even starting to want to blame this on friken pms, but of course me being fucking abnormal i can't. so no, guess i'm just a grouch... who's stuck in a foul mood. i wanna cry, i wanna scream, i wanna throw something and smash things... but i don't i just sit, meditate (y) might as well... don't want that negative emotion hanging around. my eyes hurt, haven't slept in days, my stomach hurts because i've made myself sick too much, too shaken up inside just doesn't seem to be good for me.

there's no point even blogging, cause i have no point... it's simply just that, a bad, pointless mood... that's getting annoying and has been hanging around too long. i don't like sitting at night curled up in the corner of my bed wishing for the morning to hurry along... i don't like that being upset makes me physically ill, i'm kinda over it, i don't like wishing people would stfu and tell someone else their problems for once... i don't like being so down.

i'm over the mood already! can i go back to a happy mood swing now please :(

forgot wot i wanted to say

i had like the best idea for a blog... then i checked my myspace and was gonna blog after and now i can't remember wtf.

guess it'll just be my usually bullshit then. hmm. man, i'm so dead atm i can't even think up an idea for a fricken blog now that's sad. oh fear the day that i can't blog any more lol. not that anyone reads this anymore. my one follower finally gave up on me, took the view that i'm a shallow bitch so i've heard, although it's never been said in so many words. I guess it's a bittersweet victory for me. in a way, i succeeded in freeing myself, and getting him away... in the other i proved his promises wrong proving he's just as fake and shallow as everyone else... and now im wanted by nobody. so i've gained freedom and no more clingyness, but i've lost what everyone secretly deep down wants... to be wanted.


*sigh* oh well... i guess a bittersweet victory is good enough for me these days, i can't hope to ever win outright from here on... there will always be another mountain, i'm always gonna wanna make it move. life is the climb. another bittersweet win is having the reason i'm still smiling tell me the way i cut my hair looks awesome, but knowing that that's as far as our comments go, and friends who comment on each others hair cuts is all we can be now. bittersweet in that we are now friendly and he thinks my hair looks awesome, but it stops there.


like i said, i guess bittersweet or half wins is all i can expect from here on out, and i am truly greatful for any win, no matter how small a portion of the whole picture, i get. every morning when my alarm goes off and i wake and look out the window, i smile because i see the sun... and just being able to wake up again and view the sun again is a win in itself, something we all take for granted. i sit on the floor in my room. legs crossed under me in black leggings and a loose fitting black singlet, casual, comfortable strumming away at my guitar. and i smile because i learnt to play that bit of my song... sure i've been trying for two weeks to get it right but that day i did... and that's a win in itself, that's a win that i managed to do it. just seeing people i care for have a laugh or smile is a win... especially if i caused it... to know for a moment you ment something, for a moment you did something right and made someone feel good. i live for those moments, when it's evident in the environment around me that i've been there and changed something for the better, added a laugh to the world, or a smile to the face of a friend... or even a new idea to a hopeless cause. those moments are the greatest wins of all.


to know for a moment, just a moment you ment something and you were in the right place at the right time for that exact reason... is a win that you should be willing to live for.


ok lol i sound really wierd... and pointless but im just rambling because i forgot my really cool topic i had... so i came on msn to talk to my asian friend adam <3>

the long lost secret of the pixies

life goes on... for now. love is just for now. we'll be friends for now, nothing lasts forever.


and i sat in the art gallery and played my guitar singing softly along. the tune of the lost love, the wishing, the truth. you're not sorry. and i sat in that gallery just me and that guitar happily floating in the musical waters.

Be knows all

B: why aren't you guys doing anything?
M: well we were getting costumes before i had this sudden urge to run someone over with a big heavy truck so we decided that could be dangerous
B: just go out with him for godsake!

is there anything this man doesn't see!?

It'll be you or me...

Im cutting off the memories, first my hair, next time it'll be my heart. To die would be an awefully great adventure. you're begging me to listen coz it's worked each time before, but you see this is the last straw don't wanna hurt anymore.


my hair, gone... in a fit of rage. i hated it, i hated me... hate had overwhelmed me, and so the dark locks fell to the floor as i stabbed at them with scissors. the scissors that have now scarred my hand and bloodied up my floor. and i'm not sorry... no. woke up the next morning and saw it in the bin, my hair... cut off, lifeless done with. like the memories that went with it. i saw inside the bin also, clothes torn up, ripped, cut and destroyed... as well as the memories they carried. i saw shoes snapped in half, headbands cut into little pieces, my old phone smashed... i saw the destruction from the previous day, but i wasn't sorry...no.


the rage that boiled within me and made me snap was obvious, the proof of it lay in my bin and scattered across my floor in my broken possessions that had significance to them that i no longer wanted. One, was thrown into the ocean, one i never wanted to see again, one that made me sick to know it was still in this world somewhere. so i wanted it to sink, sink to the bottom of the ocean where it would rest forever, something i wish i could do.


i cleaned up the clothes, the shoes, accesories and hair. emptied my bin into a bag and through it into the other bin outside. i didn't want to see it. but the blood on the carpet wouldn't come up. the scars on my hand wouldn't heal, wouldn't stop hurting... and my hair wouldn't grow back, but was i sorry? no.


i walked into school with a big smile on, i fell about laughing as soon as i was out of the car, the mask was complete and the reality was complete... i was happy, i was new... i was different and my past was destroyed. i danced like there was no tomorrow, i might as well have broken every bone in my body, used every ounce of energy. and it was bittersweet the whole way through... i loved hating every moment of it. home again, sanctuary, things to stop me hurting so bad. things to stop me thinking so much. things to make me ok. but then the anger again


and i decided, this is too much. it's you or me this time... i won't go on like this no more. with everything else, i hear today your baby behaviour, your anger fits because i walked away. i have duties... i have responsibilities, sometimes i'm needed at a dress rehearsal. get over it. you made me wish i had a knife. you made me, want to quit in an angry rage... you jumped into the already full pool of crap in my life... and over flowed it, almost. It's no laughing matter, when i say, you could... quite possibly be the death of me. I HATE THIS BLOG because i sound just like the whingers i hate. but i need to explode before i explode on myself in a dangerous way. i need to explode somewhere where people won't ask questions, where no one cares... somewhere where i just can, without being judged. too bad here isn't it, too bad there is no where like that. too bad i'll have to grin and bare all interogations and reply "nothing im fine" over and over and over while wishing i could turn away and cry. too bad i can't run into someones arms who loves me and let them hold me and tell me it'll all be fine tomorrow when i wake up, because tomorrow is worth living for. too bad that's all i want. and i can't have it.


a quick pat on the back, and a promise that i can believe, about how things will get better come next year BUT THEY NEVER EVER get any better i am drowning in this fear... that come tomorrow i may not wake up, because i didn't want to. And if i don't i'll never know what the 'morrow was to bring, i'll never know what lie instore for me... because i gave up. because you can't see that holding on like this is killing me...


i have never wanted a way out so bad. but i love life too much to consider death, i just want to go away, to somewhere where i don't know anyone, where they don't know me, don''t know if they want to care about me or not yet. to start over as someone else, as who i want to be. instead of always changing who i am depending on who i'm around so they'll accept me. i want to be one person, and i want that one person to be me, maybe then i won't break so easily. maybe then i'll find someone's open arms ready to welcome me in and tell me they love me and that's enough to make my world keep going.

maybe when i find that. i can hold him too and be the reason his world keeps going. maybe then we can live for each other, and the next day. always looking to tomorrow to see what will happen, hand in hand, placing foot infront of foot walking in towards the future always knowing that we hold our reason always, the heart that beats for us, the reason we believe that tomorrow will be worth it. maybe then to live would be the awefully great adventure

you left

You know the words "you left" came to me as an idea of a title for a blog 2 seconds ago when i decided to blog... just as they came to me so did the revealation that i never left. "you left." I have walked through people's lives as i move location, but never left while staying where i was. i have always been the one being left. i know some may argue differently some may say there was a time when i cared about them more, when i payed attention to everyone equally... well i want to point out, that i can't care for people who say the same crap over and over again, Repetition = patience. i don't have patience, i dont have the patience to wait for you to up your game. i live in a world where people must constantly come up with knew ways to show me, or fail. harsh, but that's me. i pay attention to everyone in equal amounts still, just with different emphasis, some people it's a positive paying attention, some peopple a negative. i never left... i'm still here, im still laying out all my feelings here for everyone to see as they wish. no i never left.

you left, when your life ended. and left me here to fend for myself on earth. you left and changed my future and plans completely because i had to take you out of them. But you didnt leave in a way that made me mad. sure it made me sad and i miss you so much now but i know it was your time, and deep down i knew you were like me, just passing through on your way to a different place stopping off quickly to change something in my life that will help me in the future. you've altered my view on life ever so slightly that i don't know how yet, but when the day comes and i find something and i know that i found it because you were in my life, i will know i could've gone through life without seeing it if it weren't for my time with you.

you left, when your loyalties died. You left in a cowardly way that made me angry, made me loathe the very air you breathe let alone your very being. you made me crave revenge, yet you left me too weak to claim it. you also changed my view on things but i don't get the feeling you were there specifically for me to change my view, no there's something else with you, some other reason that you're here and that it is like it is. but i sheild my heart, and i keep to myself now because of you, you may have taught me one of the greatest lessons, that your heart is your most treasured, and most breakable ... treasure so take care of it by whatever means possible... even if it means locking it away for awhile and putting off the feeling you've always dreamt of getting.

you left, you hid yourself. and i told you to. i told you to go away and leave me. and you did. you always listen, and i should say thankyou for that. i am glad you did listen but it proves my point i've made many times. you think i left, but i was never there, you think i changed, but you just saw me differently. don't you see it's all fading now... i haven't changed, you treated me different, you expected more, you couldn't let me be what i wanted and then realised that what i wanted could never be what you wanted. and so it's starting to fade... don't you see you're just seeing me differently now. you left

i never left

I'm not a pricess

And this ain't a fairy tale, i was a dreamer before you and it let me down.


I don't know what i want, so don't ask me. Cause I'm still trying to figure it out... Dno wots down this road, I'm just walking. Trying to see through the rain that's coming down... you see I'm the only one who feels exactly the way i do. I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life still goes on... I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world. this section here, this stop in perth... is just me passing through on my way to finding where i need to be... i won't be here very long I'm almost done with it here, almost going on. I've found what i needed here, i found my first love i found more of myself and now i can't stay here no more it's time to be passing through again. i'm not here to stay i'll be walking out of this life soon, so don't you worry, it won't be long until i'm gone. i never said forever and always, except to one person... one boy who said he'd stay with me the rest of his life... and i said I'd stay by him for the rest of his life and remember him for the rest of mine. forever and always was a promise we swapped and he kept his, and now i must keep the other half of mine. and because of him it's raining a lot more now then it was before and there's no one there to cover my head from the rain... now i'm back to being on my own ready to pass on... sure the way i like it, but he was going to move on with me, he was the one that was gonna come with me when i left... he didn't care where we went.

Got the radio on, and my old blue jeans, wearing my heart on my sleeve. feeling lucky todai got the sun could you tell me what more i need? cause it seems you've got what i've got yet you're not smiling no more and tomorrow's a mystery but that's ok, that's what makes living another day worth it. can't you see i'm just walking through your life like a minor character of your play and i wanna teach you while i'm here to smile through the pain, and mean it. Maybe i'm just a girl on a mission, but i'm ready to fly and i can't until i've done what i came to do.


I never knew what i'd find, But i went looking for a reason i know i didn't read between the lines, and now i guess i've got no where to go. i tried to take the road less travelled by but nothing works the first few times... am i right? You see me there but you never knew... i would give it all up to be, a part of this, a part of you... no one notices until it's too late to do anything... noo and i'm not sorry. Hold on, baby, you're losing it. The water's high, you're jumping into it and letting go... and no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone. That you might not be the golden one. And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone I guess it's true that love was all you wanted Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change Hoping it will end up in her pocket. But she leaves you out like a penny in the rain. Oh, cause it's not her price to pay. Tied together with a smile you fake... when it's really then you'll be ok.


there's this guy... and he always finds another way to be the highlight of my day. I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day. It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away I should say, hey by the way... and then i smile and it pulls me back together, tying me together with that smile that's gonna save me whenever i need the help. it's all i need to hit the road, just me and my smile and i'm set for life no baggage no strings just me and my smile and i'm set for life. but if him and I are a story that never gets told If what he is, is a daydream I'll never get to hold, at least he'll know... he's wonderful, every little piece love. and when he finds everything he looked for, I hope his life leads him back to my front door.


but back to you, until you can smile without me, you're never getting anywhere honey can't you see you don't belong with me have you ever thought just maybe you don't belong with me... did you give that thought a chance, did you realise i wouldn't stay... do you know that i'm just someone come into your life to change your views a tad so your fate falls and you find something, just because i showed you how to look for it. ever think maybe im gonna leave someday and you're gonna be here, wishing i was here too, and i will be there with a guy loving me and a smile across my face and you'll be here another tear sliding down your face... and i won't remember you... did you ever think that? did you ever think maybe this is silly and naive... you believe what i feel for him is the same as what i won't believe you feel for me... but it's not it's my kinda love. i always knew i was a wanderer never gonna stay... and so when i let myself love i put the limitations on it my way, i couldn't let myself hurt like that. i be loving him now cause it's fun and i like it.... but i can't believe it cause i know i'm leaving although i wanna feel it i play it all like one big game pretending it's for a laugh so the reality never sinks in so when i go i don't want to stay. so i won't say, one rainy day "stupid girl i should've know, i should've known" so i won't cry years from now when i'm still thinking what could've been. I know it's love but i treat it like a crush cause that's what you do when they're not yours to give love too. don't you understand, you're not proving me anything except how much you're gonna hold me down here. i be a wild horse with no reins baby you can't ever control me you can't ever have me completely cause my stops not for awhile now... so i'm having fun, why don't you?


cause this ain't a fairy tale, and waiting forever, won't bring me around.

you saw... (taylor swift tells it like it is)

You take a deep breath and you walk through the door, It's the morning of your very first day after everything happened. And you say hi to your friends you haven't seen in a while and try to stay out of his way. Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you you're gonna believe it. And when you're fifteen, feeling like there's nothing to figure out... well you had to count to ten, take it all in... this is life before you know how it's ment to be. But you saw, you let yourself see me... If you could see that I'm the one who understands you. Been here all along so why can't you see? You belong with me. i know it can't work out, i know the bad seems to overpower the good, but can't you see, you still belong with me. I hold onto that night you looked me in the eye and told me "i love you." but now, were you just kidding? cause even though you... belong with me, it seems to me one second it was perfect and our laugh was like a song, but now you won't sing along... seems you've forgotten, about us. I stare at the phone, but you never call and i feel so low that i don't feel nothing at all... yeah i believe i was there when you said forever and always... that's how i know you belong with me. this is a big world, that was a small town now i wanting you and your white horse, to catch me now. Oh it rains in my bedroom, everythings wrong, it rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone, coz i was there when you said forever and always, and i still want, and i'm still needing everything that we should be, cause you... belong with me. I guess heres to everything coming down to nothing and to dreaming ending when i wake up, heres to wishing you could see, you belong with me. heres to the silence of the end that cuts me to the core, heres to lying when you know they'll believe you. but apart from all that i still know, that you yeah you belong with me.

dreamer before you

I was a dreamer before you and that let me down... :( i was a believer that's for sure, i trusted in love and believed it was high above... i was forever in debt to that wonderful feeling, i just wanted to damn well do whatever it pleased. i was a slave no doubt.


and then it was thrown in my face :O how rude! so i be loving you and you're forgetting me, i know i gotta let go now before i walk away and wanna come back. if i wanna leave and i've got strings attached, well where does that leave my heart. lifes not about whats better then... but whats better, leaving without my heart... or staying and just causing myself constant more pain.

i'll hurt you

well i was a dreamer before him and it let me down, so you think you've got a chance i say never. so you think i'll come around i say never, so you think there must be good in me somewhere i say no. it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around. i'm done with that part, at least for the period in my life that i'll know you for, you know i'm leaving when i'm through with this school. you know im leaving and not coming back. so can't you let it go now, can't you realise soon you'll forget me anyway when i leave you behind to miss me and im moving on with life, will it take that before you understand? will it? really?


well all you want is just to be wanted... so can't you see, you won't get that from me, not now, and later you won't know me... later i won't be in your life. can you see the reality of the future. this year, next year... and then that's it, can't you see it. then we're through here, then i'm through here and i'm leaving it behind... thats not even 2 years left before we won't see each other ever again... maybe if you dropped it now, by then you wouldn't care. maybe if you dropped it now, both of us will never look back, instead of only me not looking back and you watching me go.


2 years... not even oh shit.


all this time i was wasting hoping someone else would come around, so i gave u all these chances everytime and all you did was let me down, and you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around. this is the last straw don't wanna hurt anymore. you can tell me that you're sorry but i don't believe you like i did before, no you're not sorry. now get down on your knees beg for me i dare you. show me your weakness and i'll show you my strengths... show me how i hurt you and I'll walk away. show me how you cry and i'll throw tissues at your feel. you'd tell me everything i'd need to hear, i shouldn't have to ask for anything better... you'd tell me i looked beautiful even when i cried... but i'd miss screaming and fighting and running in the rain being with you would drive me insane, i can't be ontop of things and run it myself, can't tell you how it's gonna be.



that's the way it is boy. let it go, or watch me walk away.

FUCKING YES

WOOOO i can play my song on guitar and sing it so it sounds pretty damn good bruh woowoowoo music night here i come.

people who are interested i can play you're not sorry by taylor swift and i will post a video of it when i work out either, what camera i can borrow or how to capture video on this stupid thing :D so yeah look out for that one it should be good yey. coz may i just say i'm not half bad... :D



this is the last straw, don't wanna hurt anymore... and everybody would tell me that they're sorry, but i don't believe like i did before... it's the rule, if something happens... you say you're sorry even though you didn't do it... you know like someones friend dying, you say "omg i'm so sorry" cause that's the rule... you'd look heartless if you didn't say it. but... then you realise they only say it cause it's the rule... of course they're gonna say it... but i don't want them too. i don't want people i trust to lie to my face just to be kind. they're not sorry. well they wouldn't be if they knew... i just don't believe it like i did before.


nobodies hurting just coz i am and that's the way i always wanted it to be, noones drowning in my tears too... and that's how i like it just like that. don't wanna drag anyone down with me and my complaints... like a lot of other people i know do... it's just not fair. so i'm going this one alone, he died and i cried to people... they faked it all, i took they're false sympathy as if it would help. well it didn't so this one i'm going alone. I don't care who reads this blog and if they think it's stupid that i'm writing about something that happend, without actually saying it, talking about how i'm not gonna tell anyone. well idc. I'll delete later if you get shitty. but i wanna write it out, and it makes it feel real when i post it where people can see it.


I am so hypocritical though, i just want people to understand, but i don't want anyone to know... so it doesn't work... i contradict myself, and cofuse myself as well as others.

compofuckensistion

intro
when you left me i was searching for somebody to teach me to learn to love again.
i had never felt such pain and i was ready to give in, i was scared to be alone and all my hopes had now been thrown.
i was lost and so confused and so... i lied.
where in the world have you sent me to boy, why in the world can't i get back now,
i be crying and i'm lying all bcoz you let me down...


iee want to trust in you
iee long to hold you
iee want to love you for-ev-er

where in the world etc.


fuck it i cbf typing it out


so i know that bit and this next bit probably fit better in one of the other blogs on my profile, probably the kiss me one last time one i think. but live with it.


but anyway i was thinking today, about people throwing the word love around, and how stupid they are... i mean, cmon what are the chances that two people could have to same feelings towards each other at the same time... cmon. it's like, i know i'm in love, i know people tell me i'm not but w/e they just make me angry, and i know how much i am in love... and then i know that that person doesn't love me back, and think of the ods, out of all the people that that person, would ever love me back. let alone love me back while i loved him. i can't work out the odds, but they're not in loves favour are they. so i give you this, when two people feel unconditionally and irrevocally in love with each other, they should bloody well never let go. the chances of them finding their love at the same time is almost nothing, so damn it they are lucky people if they do... and it makes me sad to know the odds are not in loves favour, but it does point out that love is one of the best gifts bestowed upon us and should be treasured as it is highly rare and magical. i never realised this until i sat thinking today. until i was jolted out of bitchiness into pro-active thinking mode

and fuck you too

i think it explains itself
stupid pompous concieted asshole

fuck you all

i sit and listen to your crap! i sit and act like i care, because i would do anything... to help i really would. but i've never ever cared for anyone... but few people. and i still listen to all of your crap! and never do i get the damn credit. i don't do it for pride BUT OMFG its a slap to the face to hear someone telling you someone else is the only one that listens to them... WHEN YOU PUT UP WITH THEIR SHIT too. god i can't believe myself. i care about barely anyone, yet i listen to people... i like to, although i hate pointless complaining it drives me crazy... but if it's worthwhile, i'll stay and hear it out. AND WTF IS THE POINT I ASK YOU. no one gives a dam, i guess you might as well call me the chameleon for it seems i can disapear in a crowd of people and fucked just be forgotten about, well world NO NO IM NOT OK, no no i dont know what to do. no i dont fucking want to talk about it. just fuck off everything

free

you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free... but just because the truth will set you free doesn't mean it won't be painful

Those who enjoy their own emotionally bad health and who habitually fill their own minds with the rank poisons of suspicion, jealousy and hatred, as a rule take umbrage at those who refuse to do likewise, and they find a perverted relief in trying to denigrate them.
sound familiar? it should.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by everyexperience by which you really stop to look fear in the face

wish someone could explain it to me

He told me about what happened. He told me to not go into things, to leave it alone, and that's what I did. I had the knowledge of it, but I thought you knew as well.


? i dont think I'm thinking what they're thinking... i'm so lost someone explain to me

Take my hand, I'll take the lead and every turn will be safe with me. Don't be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you threw it all. And you can't keep us apart (even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart) 'Cause my heart is (cause my heart is) wherever you are... even if i go away i'll be remembering you forever, not

i don't know

Sometimes things just happen, whether you want them to or not. right here, right nowww... i guess my heart just doesn't know it's only in highschool... i'll never survive the one thats coming if i stay, oh just let me walk away and never look back.... coz if my heart breaks its gonna hurt so bad, yeah i am strong but i can't take that so before it's too late i'll just walk away. just trust your heart, to find, you're here for open another door... but im not sure anymore. fight to find myself me and no one else, which way i can't tell. i dont no where to go whats the right thing... cant choose so confused whats the right thing. is it hurt. is it love!? will my music ever be enough. trusy ones insticts, trust your feelings and your heart... trust in your dreams

What have i gotten myself into

if i don't give it another go i'm just gonna keep getting myself hurt, is that it, is that true. is it that you're gonna cling like a limpit and only let go in the wrong ways... People push me, almost over the edge, to "just give him a chance maddy!" WELL WTF i think i did, i think i did the right thing, i think i hurt myself enough in this situation, i think people should lay off me... stop pressuring me to do right by you when i have to do right by me too.... The worst thing they can do by me, is pressure me into loving... it's not how it works for me, i can't do these things unless i mean it... it doesn't work, why won't everyone give me a break... stop getting people to make me do what you want.

no idea

if you think i know what your last paragraph ment, think again. i still can't believe it, you are worse then i thought possible

i just realised

it was you! of course it was you. two people knew and only you would do something like that. FUCK YOU! i can't believe you would, i didn't realise you'd do something like that to try and hurt me, i didn't realise you'd get back at me so harshly, right where you VERY WELL KNOW it hurts... i can't believe you would do that. but you did... and now you've settled my yet to be decided opinion of you. i thought just parts of you were annoying that i couldn't take all the time but no, no turns out you're just an ass like i thought. turns out caring for someone doesn't stop you going out to upset their privacy, turns out, i feel sorry for whoever decides to love you back one day. I am so angry right now, i can't believe you would OMFG! it just shows, the fact that it wasn't said, that he has a tad more heart then you you stupid boy. you went out and unwound my security walls for everyone to see... thanks a fucking lot.

does it matter?

looks like you did leave...

Accents bruh

I've been working on my indian accent folks (y) it's getting better i hope you're all proud of me. bah i think i'm getting ill stupid flu. so tired. so had a scare today, I was shaking and internally freaking out man, i thought oh no i dont want to think it agen :S :P thank god it wasn't ey. gah it makes me shakey just to think about it.

OMFG

Don't tell me you're like them too! you don't understand the pain you're causing me right now. you're my best friend... that close friend that everyone needs... now i don't know if you care about me nearly as much, but i know that i need you. and now you're leaving me too. just like them. just like the fuckers i hate on now. just like the people who were the ones making life difficult for me, the ones i could cry to you about.
what you said to me today, i've heard it before... and it broke my heart... i heard it before from this guy, this guy i loved. and i fell apaart. now my best friend says the same thing... almost exactly... how do you think that makes me feel. So maybe you're all bullshit, maybe everything you ever said was bullshit I DON'T KNOW. all i know is you're dumping me here just like him. i know that if you do, i'll fall apart like never before. I won't have someone there to help me back... you were the only one who did it right... you think you hurt me and that you're bad. but i know and you should know i wouldn't hang around if that was so, i thought i proved that with what i've done before. i'm tougher then i look, stronger then you think and wiser then you give me credit. im not some baby girl who needs to be kept on a cushion in a glass case. i can fight, i can play... i can... i can I CAN! so

why do you ditch me now... who is it up there... that is determined to take from me, everything i love... to leave me without anyone close... to leave me with so many missing pieces, i should have seen it coming, i knew they wouldn't leave me till they'd taken everything... why did i forget, why did i forget that you were the single most important thing to me right now... why did i forget that of course i can't keep you. you're too good to be true, you're too good for me. and now you're breaking my heart again, my best friend... you left me here and i don't know wat to do if you finish and walk away like you say...

you tell me, look around and see people i didn't realise... fine leave me here, it just shows how much you care. fine leave me it just shows YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME YOUR SO LAME. i'm in tears! don't you get it, you're making me mad, i don't want to be angry at you, but you're leaving me alone.... like any other loser i've known. how could you HOW COULD YOU. i love ya like a brother, you're my best friend. but i guess i don't deserve it so you're being removed. i guess i have to accept it. i guess thats all ive fucking got to say

hai genius

no no no it's not, we are all different from you, it's everyone is different from everyone. don't you get it? it's not all about you all the time. i'm sorry. ok you're not a complete individual, you're not alone... ever. the more you make-out to be the more you feel it, it's your own fault. the world is a beautiful magical place, enjoy it... don't cry over what you can't get. no no no no no it's not that i'm cynical of you or anything, i'm cynical of the evidence you give me. it's not you as a person, it's what you do as a person. your actions and how they differ from your words... your promises and how easily they break, and you can swear they never did... but try being on the recieving end of your promises then maybe you'll see. lots of people are almost exactly like you, except one small difference somewhere... ok you're not the only one of anything, get used to it. I'm sorry. no no no no one has the right to belittle others feelings, rights, pasts and memories. just because you want someone to care about you doesn't mean you have to crush and step over everyone else and their feelings. i hear things you know... ive been called the gossip queen, i find it out. i heard you told her to "go die then" and i wanted to kill you for that. You want her to care about you, but you don't care if she lives or dies... she loves you, haven't you noticed? or are you too full of yourself that you are blind to anything but what you want to be true. I'm sorry that you hate me, i'm sorry that you think i don't care. You have characteristics that are my worst pet hates and i'm sorry for that too. i try, but i'm a broken girl, like most other teenage girls, and there's only so much i can do with the pieces i have left, and i have other things higher on my priority list, like passing school, like being happy myself... like living my life instead of missing it. i'm sorry that i'm putting myself first for once, and i'm sorry you can't understand that i need to do this.

i'm sorry i pried into buisness and heard what i did. i'm sorry i listen to the gossip, and i'm sorry you hurt another young broken girl enough for her to spill all to me. I'm sorry you can't see that everything you say i do to you, you do to another, that everything you say people to do you, you do to everyone else. You don't seem to care about anyone's problems when you talked to me, it was a false emotion shown... now i don't know if you really did feel something and you just have trouble showing it outwardly and so put on the fake version of what you were feeling so you didn't stay blank... but i can't deal with fake, no matter how real the fake is. you were always so fake around me, so awkward, i can't cope with that. i need to be the follower, i can't be in charge... i'm not the higher power. and you are lesser power in personality to me... when we're together i overpower you, i control what you'll do, i don't want that power... i will not have you do whatever i want and need. You are not a doormatt... and i will not be treated like a H.B.I.C who doesn't care for your feelings.

please, for me realise i am human too, just like you. i can be shallow, you can be shallow... i can be hypocritical, you are hypocritical. i'm sorry we clash... i didn't make it so. But you are everything that i know would make me have to take on a role i do not want. can't you understand? can't you give her a chance? at least the chance i gave you.

past, present, future

So i know my past is different, my present is no one elses, and my future is my own. I know my past affects me still even now, but dwelling in my past, would only make me weak, missing my present... would make me half, and skipping my future, would make me dead.
no two people have the same past, i think i've said that before... it's true and everyone suffers differently, everyone has different laughs. but it gives no one the right to wallow in self pity, no one the right to take it out on everyone else... and no one the right to live in their past.
The present is difficult, as i struggle through the homework, i battle a concussion, i face things about myself, and i see a love i cannot reach. i think i understand a lot more then people think. i hate it when peopel think i don't understand and to not make decisions TELL ME if you think i'm wrong TELL ME THE TRUTH. i am not wrong, because i am judging based on opinion, your opinion like your future past and present is completely your own.

help

When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutterhammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without asmuch as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and firstblow it will split in two, and I know it was not that lastblow that did it, but all that had gone before

Me, honestly me. :)

Ok so this is me, honestly all me. I changed names and starred them, for privacy purposes of course. but other then that you are coming with me on a journey of my self discovery as i search through my feelings and type them out as i realise them. :)


My school, my home... my state. the state that i live in... western australia, the city of perth to be exact. what can i say about it... what do i feel about it? I've started to learn to love the weather, the hot indian like summers, to bask in the sun and play in the cool water. But my opinion hasn't changed much over all... this place the feeling from it is not one i like. it is hostile to me, it is different to what i am searching for. this place is the place i was forced to move to from the home i had in melbourne which i loved so much. Obviously i'm holding a slight grudge against the place now... My home, is beautiful... my house is 2 stories and i love it. the down stairs is open and lovely and the carpet upstairs i chose. a soft fluffy carpet of blue and white swirls every, my own sea. my school, well i do like padbury i guess. Most of the people their are good. But the same people would be wherever i went to school i guess. the place again has a bad aura about it to me. i don't know if it's feng shui or what. But all together... I am not at ease where i am, and that is the honest to god truth. all though i have fallen in love with my home and where i am.

The people... so this bit will take time because i am here now going to introduce you to the people in my life. :) not my family though, just the people that came with my knew surroundings.
*Harry: Harry is my honest to go best friend i have. I don't know why, i couldn't explain it... But he's good to me, even though most of the time i don't deserve it, and therefore we both look out for each other and have a good time. I can see Harry through other people's eyes, the eyes of those that don't like him and i understand their points, but i've learnt to bypass those things, those things are just part of harry now... that's what makes him the harry that is my best friend.

CoCo: Coco is the first girl i feel completely at ease with, usually girls confuse me, and they set me on edge with their bitchiness and constant backstabbing. but CoCo is different. she doesn't get close to me like everyone else tries to. we found where we're comfortable at and stayed there... it works for me. As soon as i think i have the next class with her the weight i am bearing just sort of lifts off me as the Aura she has washes over me in the light weight, no strings way. It's a refreshing break to be able to laugh with her.

Audrey: audrey, well what cool things can i say about her. once so close, now so far. she turned her back on values, and has basically scooped out anything deep from herself till she's left as a shallow bowl. It saddens me now... to see her. She is everything i avoid, everything that sets me off, the bitchiness and backstabbing... that's her completely. and it's sad to see. I don't like to be around her anymore, and i don't want to put up with her whinging, i wish the old her would come back.

Lee: Lee, i don't really know what to write about Lee. I know i swing, i swing and at certain points of that swing I'm able to cope with Lee and his problems, but at others i wish he would learn to deal with things more independantly like everyone else. being honest i must admit this even though i don't like it ok!? Lee makes things difficult between us and our friendship never was the best... it's always obvious that there is more being asked for underneath every sentence he mutters at me. and it sets me uneasy and unable to respect him. I hear and see what he does as two different things. I am cynical of his writing, and the feelings he reckons he has, but i am not hoity enough to say because i have felt the real thing and i know that he hasnt. because why should i have been able to feel it and not him? no that isn't it. i just know enough about the feeling to know how it's expressed, to know the little things that are done the same always... and he doesn't do them. i worry for him, i know he has shit like everyone else going on... but i can't help him because i need him to try to be strong... it makes me angry how weak he is. and i feel mean, but i am being honest remember.

Richard: oh richard, i wear my rose tinted glasses whenever he is around, and i see him smiling, and talking and i melt. i don't think he's a perfectly good person, but then none of us are. i am terrified of him, but something about him captivates me so i can't walk away, can't stop thinking about him, can't leave him behind and move on... something about him has a hold over me like no other... and i like it, i like the taste of excitement and danger. i see him and i smile... it's wierd, but like i think wow. i mean i was so proud of myself when i initiated conversation with him the other day, it's pretty sad. but he's my drug and I'm always on a high after talking to him. some days i have to simply sit back and sigh as i think how fine he looks and how much i enjoy his presence. haha. and all the time i wish i didn't for i have a million reasons why i should hate him, but the only one that i would consider using is the fact that he makes me love him.

Groupsss: So they're so tight knit and push everyone else away and it agrivates me. i don't like to see the way they tare themselves apart inside with their stupid quarels and dilemas. i wish i could help them see that there is so much more.

i guess that's all i feel like introducing today

my passion is my art, my acting singing and performing. i live for the show, i move for the audience and i try for good ratings. i live and breathe for the stage, the atmosphere of a show, the feeling that overwhelms you when you take your final bow in centre stage after your show... this is what i am here for, i know it, and i love it. to portray characters to an audience and let them hear their story. let them see what they were like... and how they did things. to tell the story, to show the story rather... to captivate an audience to be hanging off your every word, to laugh and sigh at your emotions... to cry with you, and smile with you. to make them feel what your character does.

i am 5 foot 4.5 or there abouts, i have orange hair with slight brown through it. Usually it is a curly mass, that can look quite nice and it frames down my pale face... but i straighten it out and then fluff it up shapely. to frame my face and add interest. My face is pale, and i do not have terrible skin. pimples yeahs here and there. my eyes are almond shaped sitting just under my eyebrows. they are horrible colours, a sort of swampy green. my nose is too big for my face, but it adds character, and my lips are soft and often dry, they curve upwards naturally and are thinner but still fairly plump.
then my neck my neck is normal long, and my hair continues down it. my shoulders are square and quite wide. pale. i have no chest to speak of so we'll skip on to my waist. my waist goes in and out again at my hips very nicely. i do have a nicely shapped body, but i wear clothes that never show off the figure i have. my hips round nicely to my thighs that aren't too big. my legs are fairly long, but no where near model length:P to my feet.... all of my body is pale. i am pale, with slight gold and slight pink undertones.


so yeah... that's me, and that was wierd, and i'm not even being totally completely honest, you know not using names or anything... wow. it feels scary to set it all bare. wierd, scary... and kinda nice. i'm glad no one reads this shit anymore :P

what a day

so ow... i really shouldn't be on the computer now... but i'm bored as.
i think i could have serious brain damage... *yawn* i'm so sleepy and my head feels like a heavy cloud. That's what happens when you fall and hit your head into a concrete drain... so the nurse asked me if i remembered everything, i said yes... i think back, and i can't remember how it happend:S i mean i know what i was doing, but i don't know how the fall happend or how long i lay there for. owy

i got to stay in sickbay through media and slept until lunch (y) it was good. so i'm laying there half asleep and the year 11 boys walk in as they're being forced to sign up for P.A.R.T.Y... and i hear a voice, a voice i love to hear... dammit, and i'm laying there and my pulse picks up and i can feel my heart in my chest beating like crazy... dammit, so i roll over and curl up towards the top of the bed away from the door, in the blind spot so no one can see in. i lay and listen to the voices, the one voice in particular and smile... dammit.

So you are currently talking to maddy

Nikki :) and i'll just let you know how cool i am.... :D i like to live on the edge (y) and i adore acting, my teacher is my biggest inspiration... i have this friend and he likes me :S and i know my best friend in the world is in love with him.. and they would be so good together *sigh* i wish they would be. ok so had an alright day today, you know same old everything school and funtiddly things like that :)

Blanch Duboi :) oh myy... i am so very glad i found this blog i would hate to be saying this in person and have you see me like this... oh i am a mess i need to be bathed and rested before i talk to you. my my my what a busy day i have had and now my poor nerves are all shaken up because of it! i do not know... my my my .

Me and my two current characters. the people's lives i am stepping into and showing to the audience. i feel like i owe it to the character to do a good job you know, show their lives properly to the people watching, as it's no longer me on that stage it's them through me. :P my art is my life and it's a magical responsibility that can never be replaced ever.

just walk away and don't look back, cause if my heart breaks it's gonna hurt so bad... be honestly myself... someone told me. but, i'm never myself, i'm always playing a character, but playing myself... now there is a challenge i don't often face. it seems difficult and i'm scared to go out there, without the sharade and the cover, just playing me for the world to see... it's a different character i have not yet tackled. of course being a teenager, i am still in the process of finding myself, and so if i came out as simply me... it could be quite a mess. as i search through different ways and beliefs to find which ones are truly mine.

honestly myself, what does honestly me want to say? well... what if i don't know what i want to say? who am i kidding, i know exactly what i want to say. i want to tell you the story, the story of my life, and my relations with my friends i want to introduce you, to take you in to the deepest part of me that no one sees... because then i have tackled the hardest challenge of my acting carreer.

accidental discoveries

i told you i should be a detective, you can't hide things like this from me... you just can't. i find out because i'm curious and my need to know is amazingly large. I'm sorry you all had to hide things from me, i'm sorry i found out, and i guess i'm sorry i snooped.

i found the phone with the messages i wish i'd never read. i found it, read it... and cried over it. i found the other side to a person i loved and i don't know what to think of it. i could be blowing things out or proportion, but when you won't tell me and i have to find out for myself i can't be expected to find the whole story and will only find some... and therefore must jump to conclusions as i see fit... you couldv'e helped.

i found the writing of a past i once lived, the path i almost went. hidden from me because of my destructive patterns. i laugh bitterly at this fact, slighty prided by having such a great effect on someone, slightly hurt, slightly mystified, slightly intrigued and slightly excited that i can know secretly.

i hear the whispers, i find the evidence... i have it all here except the truth. so i make it up, and piece it together myself without help... and the picture is distorted but it works... now you couldv'e saved yourself with a simple explanation at first... but no. conciel things from me and you won't get what you wanted from it.

i stay hidden and i watch, i search and find what i need and return to observe when i need. i did it once and it broke my heart... but i became addicted to knowing the story going on behind my back that i couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening when that would drive me insane... i walk right into landmines placed to trap me... hurt awaiting my arival to strike me in my weakest spot. a loaded gone of pain ready to fire when i trip upon confidential information. all of this, comes no where near describing the pain, guttedness, and all-round let down ness of these situations.

i guess, as one of my teachers would say... i'm an observer. and i wish i wasn't because i always wish i didnt see half the things i did see. one time i was curious, i travelled to a place filled with love... to find out if it was all true. and it was. this was the most pain i ever felt... this was the hardest i ever fell, walking through that door to see what i did. Eyes full of pain, a strong body almost transparent in front of that window... hands soft and weak touching mine. A dying soul in a dying boy. The smile, the captivating eyes... they made it better but then... together we sat, together we stayed because i needed to know what happend next, i was still foolishly hoping for a mirical that went against my evidence. i need to tell this story, because i need to re-live it... if not to make it real for myself, if not to punish myself... simply to remind myself of how much love was lost that day.
sitting on a bed, double bed... at the end of a room, facing the open windows... the late sun shining in softly.. from memory it was almost picture perfect... i held in my arms, one of the most amazing and perfect people in the world. One of the only two people in the world i feel completely 100% comfortable with. The boy that changed my world, the boy that proved to me how much friendship means, the boy that didn't use me for love or lust... but needed me for a friendship stronger then any love.
we sat there. holding each other. i knew it was the end of this chapter in my story... and the end of his story all together, i sat there and felt a slight tickle on my cheek. i must have reached up to it for soon my head was in my hands that were covered in my tears. i looked at him through my veil of tears and saw tears in his eyes too... my strong hero that never cried was crying now. he was afraid, he knew he was finished now, that his story ended like this... without the fairytale ending. i saw in his eyes, everything he would loose... everything he would take from the world... and everything he feared for me.
he held me to him, i cried into him... it couldn't be real... i know i didn't want to believe that he wouldn't be there soon, wouldn't hold me when i cried... couldn't pick me up when things went wrong... and i knew that never in my life would or could anyone completely understand how i felt then and how i felt forever after... it's called individuality although experiances are similar no one feels the same, ever. he lifted my face gently by my chin to look at him. his eyes were dull now, fading... he spoke 5 words... his last 5, "one for old times sake?" and i spoke the last words he would ever hear... "I should have met you along time ago."

we drew together as we had so many times once upon a time, his lips brushed my cheek and softly pressed to mine... i remembered the feeling, the memories of a summer long passed flooded back, and in my mind i smiled... knowing i loved him more then a lover, this kiss wasn't romantic, it was a symbol a symbol that we would never forget the adventurous last chapter of this boys life.

i felt the pressure against my lips soften even more, and his hand gently brushed my cheek... before dropping to his side on the bed... he was heavy in my arms... i was scared, i pulled back slightly, slowly... and i saw before me the body that once sheltered a boy i knew... a lifeless body, dull lifeless eyes... that didn't belong anymore. all i wanted was to be gone from this place before i let it sink in that this lifeless figure was the boy i knew and loved. i set him down gently and slid slowly off the bed, never taking my eyes from his perfect features... 3 steps slowly, backwards towards the door. and then the tears came, and i ran.


and that is the worst moment.
nothing else compares now... yet little things still upset me so much. i am surprised by this and wonder why this is so... shouldn't i be almost immune. i wish i was... i wish i didn't need, i wish i didn't care, i wish i never hurt... and i wish i never cried. i know no one cares anymore because i have severed every link i had bar a few... and i fear for the few i have left. as i destruct my world and myself... i realise, i'm not sad... i'm hurt yes, but not sad... i'm moving on, i'm living like he wanted me too... i'm living for him and me now... i'm smiling when something is funny or good because it genuinley is... and this is what makes me a survivor and so many others as good as dead. without the hope for happiness, there is no happiness... you can't have what you don't believe in, and believeing and dreaming about are two different things. just remember that you can't have... what you don't believe in

so be it

ha so ok, i guess im down a million dollars and out of that race *wipes forhead* thank god. i guess, like everything else that was a lie the "i'll always be here for you" was too?


*sigh* i have no will to blog atm. what i want to say i can't, what i should say i won't, what anyone wants to read i never say, im so tired :) tired like im an old woman... i don't have the energy for problems. for anoying boys, for bitchy girls, for moving house, for running away, for study, for anything other then what i need. like my hopes, and dreams. i stuck by me and only me before so why can't i now... i don't care if it's shallow, i'll go back to me, and maybe i won't be so tired from bothering myself about you.


life will once again be grand. you shattered my perfect picture. you silly people. you ruined the good i had. and made me feel, love, and friendship. and then tore me apart. and now im here wondering if it's worth going back. i don't feel hurt, sad, happy, alone... anything. i'm just floating here in limbo curious to what would happen if i went back, or if i left. wondering what you're thinking you silly people, wondering if you care about me or want me back... i don't know. i may never know. will i go on from limbo with me. or will i leave limbo at where i am and go back to people. i don't know. all i know is, only the people who will let me leave when i need to matter, no one else does... no one else can make life easy enough for me

it's not thaaat hard

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; forbeautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise,walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." -- Audrey Hepburn.

So i am reminded again why she is one of my most inspirational role models <3.>

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return <3.>

is this you?

just thought i'd let you know that it was. i don't mind, have a tear, a sob if you must... as the sign says... crying is ok here.

do your efforts go unknown? like this rose left on the floor which no one ever knew about. Do you try something and before you get to show it off, someone knocks you back without knowing that you heard, so you drop it and run away... when really it ment everything to you? is it thrown on the floor before anyone sees it.

is this how you feel? like you're being washed away before your message is finished. even when you're saying something serious like, goodbye forever... is it skipped over like it doesn't matter?

Lost forever in the ocean.

is this how you spend your free time? pulling your hair out thinking WHY! ready to explode and holding it all in.

is it like being different to everyone in some way makes you wrong. do people shun you because you're not like them.

does the sight of fallen beauty make you hurt and need to reach out and help? when you realise that the rose is more a thorn then flower?

want

what i want and what i need. i guess people always decided for me... they think that poor thing, she's so upset.. i'll give her a hand. or oh she's so happy she needs someone to be happy with. im not a people person. people need to stop deciding for me. people always telling me they'll always be there, doesn't make me smile it makes me sick. i dont know why. i need people who are just there. they dont say it they dont go like that. but i know that when I decide i need them, they'll be there, i want peopel to stop coming to me to help. i have who i need.
you think im some damsel in distress, and i hear that drives you wild... sorry wrong girl, this chick needs no one.

starwars = perfect fifth

random things come to mind at times of panic, terror, hardship, deep thought, happiness, hilarious times... basically i think random things oftenly.

i wonder what im thinking right now... im thinking, what am i thinking. is it not amazing. im watching little teddy bears now praise a golden robot they think is their god as they capture his two human friends.

Your Brain is Complex Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.You're the type that always has multiple streams of thoughts.And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation. The Key to Your Life is Introspection Anything good that comes in your life will come from your own self reflection.Don't rely on other people for advice. They will harm you more then help you.Anything bad in your life comes from not being true to yourself.Trust your instincts and follow them. Only you know what's best. if a quiz can understand that from asking about bears... how come my close friends can't

i dont care

I've had enough so there. im going out i'm living up even though i want to drop. sick as hell, I still look good i can work with what ive got. i dont have much, i've got so much and im swinging through with it by my side. ive always needed just me... me myself and i and just because it hurts me to let go doesnt mean i dont mean it. i wish you could see the things inside of me, the thoughts i think and the dreams i dream and the wishes i dare to wish. there were never mis-read signs... that's where you're always rong. i mean what i say and i say what i mean and i ment it all along. nothings changed.

having u care always made me weaker then i was. you need people, i can't have people and you won't let me be, so therefore i must do what i see fit to be. sorry u can't understand sorry im driving u mad, take it as this is me and lend sumone worthy a hand.

music

Met a boy, thought he was grand... fell in love, found out first hand went well for a week or two then it all came unglued. In a trap, trip I can't grip, never thought I'd be the one who'd slip. then I started to realize I was living one big lie, he fucking hates me trust he fucking hates me la la la love I tried too hard and he tore my feelings like I had none and ripped them away he was king for about an hour after that shit got sour he took all I ever had no sign of guilt no feeling of bad, no. In a trap, trip I can't grip, never thought I'd be the one who'd slip. Then I started to realize, I was living one big lie. That's my story, as you see learned my lesson and so did he now it's over and I'm glad 'cause I'm a fool for all I've said la la la la la la la la la love Trust la la la la la la la la la love Trust and he tore my feelings like I had none he fucking hates me.

I hate the way you dress I hate that you are a mess I hate your eyes I hate your lies.I hate it when you talk I hate the way you walk I hate your smile I hate your style.I hate your arms I hate your charms I hate your face I hate your place.I hate your hands I hate your plans I hate the way you think I hate it when you drink.I hate when you call I hate it all I hate it that you are true I hate you when I’m blue.I hate you when you sleep I hate you very deep I hate the way you kiss I hate to be like this.I hate your touch I hate you much I hate myself more I hate thats you I adore.I hate, I don’t hate you a bit I hate, I will have to admit I don’t hate you, Not even small I don’t hate you at all.

I got you, i got you on my mind And it's time to make you see (what i want) So i'll just make this a little more obvious Cuz i get what i want, and i want you to get with me! Don't think you know, How far im gunna do * You can't stop this, feeling! You can't run away, baby i'm whats on your mind You can't stop this, feeling! There's no escape, No sleep tonight, You won't get, no sleep tonight You want me, you want me all the time And you don't need nothing else And you seem to be a little oblivious So i'll show you the way if you think that you need some help Tell m, baby Are you coming, with me [Repeat *] No sleep tonight, No sleep tonight, ** Boy you won't be sleeping No sleep tonight Do i have to spell it out in black and white [Repeat **] Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! [Repeat *] Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight Oh oh oh oh oh! No sleep tonight.
these eyes cry every night for you. These arms long to hold you again .The hurtin’s on me yeah, But I will never be free no my baby, no no. You gave a promise to me yeah and you broke it, you broke it. Oh, no. These eyes watched you bring my world to an end. This heart could not accept and pretend. The hurtin’s on me yeah, But I will never be free no no no. These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you. These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you. These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you. These eyes cry every night for you. These arms, these arms long to hold you, hold you again. These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you. These eyes are cryin’ These eyes have seen a lot of loves But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.Baby, baby, baby, baby.