I'm angry, furious... vehement everything! i'm sad, depressed i want to cry but i haven't the energy. i want to laugh, at myself for how foolish i was. i want to scream that i should have listened... i should have seen the signs... i should have known i'm not deserving. i want to shrink away with embarrisment, for i was a fool and now he laughs at me... he knew and i went on, and he never stopped me... and therefore the anger boils again and i want to scream at him for being so heartless... for letting me get to a place where the fall would all but destroy me.
love. is out there. but it will never reach my heart
0
My fingers bleed much like my heart, my soul seeps out in tears of doubt.
this feeling that i'm feeling this sense of lonelyness must fade... for i feel as if i'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming! and no one even looks up. why so effected... one might ask. why does she even care.
well i don't know. I don't decide. My heart does go on.
why so effected. by love. by a hearts desire. why so down when I'm thrown in the fire... i don't know. I don't decide. my heart does go on.
i wish i could feel less. i wish i didnt need. Love shouldn't enslave me when i need to be freed.
if i could i would close off my heart. and i wouldn't love again. that is my hope my dream... im wishing for the end.
this feeling that i'm feeling this sense of lonelyness must fade... for i feel as if i'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming! and no one even looks up. why so effected... one might ask. why does she even care.
well i don't know. I don't decide. My heart does go on.
why so effected. by love. by a hearts desire. why so down when I'm thrown in the fire... i don't know. I don't decide. my heart does go on.
i wish i could feel less. i wish i didnt need. Love shouldn't enslave me when i need to be freed.
if i could i would close off my heart. and i wouldn't love again. that is my hope my dream... im wishing for the end.
Posted by
madsie
If I had a personality.
And sometimes things don't go perfectly.
And sometimes people can't accept that.
And sometimes it goes un-noticed
And sometimes life is kind to a gentle mind, well if you lose your way think back on yesterday, please remember me this way.
as if I had a personality.
Breathe in, Breathe out... Please don't shout. Breathe in, Breathe out, please don't run about. Breathe in, Breathe out... Day in, Day out, Breathe in, Breathe out please someone get me out! maybe I'm not ready to be a lady, I don't want to grow up that fast, I'm still living in maybe, I have yet to know my path.
with maturity forced upon me, my childhood is cut short. My laughter is silenced early and my smile is masked before its time. The weight placed upon my shoulders is heavier then they are ready to carry and so my body will crack and break as I stumble underneath it.
tell me who am I? Why I am all of you out there just like me. I am all of you out there treading in deep water, way over your head. We are called teenagers. And our teenage life is being ripped from our finger tips.
I'm not ready for the world, and something tells me the world isn't ready for me yet either. It's ok that I'm just a little girl, It's ok to be just a little girl. For every man out there who is still just a boy, unpuff your chest... let down your guard you're allowed to make mistakes and not take the worlds responsibility on your way. For every girl forced to sit, legs crossed, lips closed... lean back, spread out, open your mouth and sing to the skies you. Don't let the term lady tie you in to a person you're not ready to be.
Say what you need to, tell people what you're thinking. If you're in such a hurry to grow up you will miss so much. What if there was no tomorrow. Remember the lovely song, "No day but today." What if that was true... and then you hadn't said what you needed. You hadn't seen what you wanted. And nobody knew what they should have.
You're a child, please give me a smile, let me hear your laugh... don't sit down and cry. Please let me feel the warmth of the happiness flowing from your core, please don't let me see you drown in the pressures the world will send.
And sometimes people can't accept that.
And sometimes it goes un-noticed
And sometimes life is kind to a gentle mind, well if you lose your way think back on yesterday, please remember me this way.
as if I had a personality.
Breathe in, Breathe out... Please don't shout. Breathe in, Breathe out, please don't run about. Breathe in, Breathe out... Day in, Day out, Breathe in, Breathe out please someone get me out! maybe I'm not ready to be a lady, I don't want to grow up that fast, I'm still living in maybe, I have yet to know my path.
with maturity forced upon me, my childhood is cut short. My laughter is silenced early and my smile is masked before its time. The weight placed upon my shoulders is heavier then they are ready to carry and so my body will crack and break as I stumble underneath it.
tell me who am I? Why I am all of you out there just like me. I am all of you out there treading in deep water, way over your head. We are called teenagers. And our teenage life is being ripped from our finger tips.
I'm not ready for the world, and something tells me the world isn't ready for me yet either. It's ok that I'm just a little girl, It's ok to be just a little girl. For every man out there who is still just a boy, unpuff your chest... let down your guard you're allowed to make mistakes and not take the worlds responsibility on your way. For every girl forced to sit, legs crossed, lips closed... lean back, spread out, open your mouth and sing to the skies you. Don't let the term lady tie you in to a person you're not ready to be.
Say what you need to, tell people what you're thinking. If you're in such a hurry to grow up you will miss so much. What if there was no tomorrow. Remember the lovely song, "No day but today." What if that was true... and then you hadn't said what you needed. You hadn't seen what you wanted. And nobody knew what they should have.
You're a child, please give me a smile, let me hear your laugh... don't sit down and cry. Please let me feel the warmth of the happiness flowing from your core, please don't let me see you drown in the pressures the world will send.
Posted by
madsie
the songs i wrote along my lower school high school life
Don’t b ma frend, Forget my name, We’ll play a game of pretend, I don’t exist, Its better like this, Its time we reached the end, Im happy just here, I wont shed a tear, Ill be fine without u, Ive made up my mind, I no its not kind, But theres nothing u can do, Coz its already, hurt too much, ur mucking it up, just leave me alone, And if u try, to talk to me, call on me, ill hang up the phone, Ive got what I want, im holding on tight, ur not taking him away … from me.
When was the last time… I made you smile, Why won’t you write back, Baby it hurts. Can’t say I love you, Can’t even give a hint, But you won’t write back, Ooo Baby it hurts Never thought I’d fall for you, But look at me now, Im head over heals Im, Crazy for you…
Don’t b ma frend, Forget my name, We’ll play a game of pretend, I don’t exist, Its better like this, Its time we reached the end, Im happy just here, I wont shed a tear, Ill be fine without u, Ive made up my mind, I no its not kind, But theres nothing u can do, Coz its already, hurt too much, ur mucking it up, just leave me alone, And if u try, to talk to me, call on me, ill hang up the phone, Ive got what I want, im holding on tight, ur not taking him away … from me.
When was the last time… I made you smile, Why won’t you write back, Baby it hurts. Can’t say I love you, Can’t even give a hint, But you won’t write back, Ooo Baby it hurts Never thought I’d fall for you, But look at me now, Im head over heals Im, Crazy for you…
Posted by
madsie
if i could
My friends say you're so into me And that you need me desperately They say you say we're so complete But I need to hear it straight from you. Don't, don't let me be the last to know Don't hold back, just let it go I need to hear you say your wanting me that way Oh, if you like me so Don't let me be the last to know. I'm dreaming of one kiss from you A love long and true We'll go on and on and… why can't i let it go, when i no i can't be the one. Just one kiss from you, and suddenly I see the road laid out in front of me You give me strength, you give me hope And when you hold me in your arms You make me whole And I don't know just what I would do Without one kiss from you. someone take my heart and throw it away. it'll kill me one day. I should let it out To save what's left of me And close the doors of doubt Revive my dignity... where are you now. what have you found. why can't i just, get off the ground. I'll be ok. when i accept the facts... it's ok i wasn't all like that. so i've got less to fall. only hope of happy times to lose, for i hadn't fallen yet.
Posted by
madsie
3 years
3 years and you dont get it... I'm never gonna say yes.
3 years and you don't get it... you never helped me out.
3 years and you fucking don't get it... you're hurting me by staying "strong"
3 YEARS AND YOU'RE STILL SO SELFISH
3 years and all i've wanted is to be happy in love.
One relationship and you were the fucking idiot who caused me all those problems in it
one chance to get something that could make me so happy... and you're the one standing in the way
did you ever pause to look at it my way, did you ever think i deserve to be happy too. After 3 years... you'd think it would be my turn to be happy... and your turn to give up on the faith... and yes faith meaning believing in something that is physically impossible... or just impossible in this case, your turn to give up on the faith that i might one day turn around and melt in your arms. because i won't.
Ok i like someone else. And that someone else just might like me back heaven forbid I'm allowed to be happy in love. And you just can't stop broadcasting your stupid emo feelings about to everyone long enough to let me have a chance at this. I hope you realise you are the only thing stopping it now. You are the reason for all of this. and i've damn well finally had enough.
When does it become my turn... and not your turn.
Posted by
madsie
Am I not pretty enoughIs my heart too broken Do I cry too much Am I too outspoken Don't I make you laugh Should I try it harder Why do you see right through me I liveI breathe I let it rain on me I sleep I wake I try hard not to break I crave I love I've waited long enough I try as hard as I can I laughI feel I make believe it's real I fall I freeze I pray down on my knees I hope I stand, I take it like a man I try as hard as I can why do you see why do you see why do you see right through me
Posted by
madsie
the same again
If you look beyond my scars... Far, far away, you might just see the happy girl, that's starting to fade away. If you look back to the past, and notice who I was. You'll notice now that who I am isn't really meIf, you look beyond my smile, beyond my fading face... If you look beyond the pain, you might just feel the same. If you look past my tears and past the fallen blood. If you pass all of that, then you will have fallen. If you fall where I have fell, then you might notice to... This life I live is nothing, but a show that I put on for you. If you look past my fake smile, past my fake outside. Then you will see what is wrong, deep, deep inside. If you go down deep enough, you might get to my heart... If you see the crack in it, you will know what fell apart. If you travel though my blood and look up at my skin, you might just see the scares that show up deep within. If you look beyond the scars, beyond my fading arm. Maybe then and only then, Will u understand.
Posted by
madsie
wouldn't it be nice
"You can buy a person's hands but you can't buy his heart. Hisheart is where his enthusiasm, his loyalty is."
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human beingcan alter his life by altering his attitudes."
"Who is richer? The man who is seen, but cannot see? Or theman who is not being seen, but can see?"
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who hassight but has no vision."
"Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor."
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human beingcan alter his life by altering his attitudes."
"Who is richer? The man who is seen, but cannot see? Or theman who is not being seen, but can see?"
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who hassight but has no vision."
"Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor."
Posted by
madsie
What the hell just happened.
so wot the hell just happend. i woz doing all good, things were fine now suddenly everythings complicated. so what the hell just happened. i was laughing again with new closer friends now suddenly everythings complicated again. so what the hell just happened. i was moving on, i was healing again now everythings crashing back down. so what the hell just happend. i'd fixed myself, glued in the fallen pieces now everthings crashing back down again. so what the hell just happened. I thought i was safe, with a wall that couldn't be broken... but then i was pulled down from a double agent so what the hell just happend. i was fine on my own supporting my own weight but then, i guess i didn't make it that obvious. SO WOT THE FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED
i s'pose i should have seen it all coming. as soon as it started... i should have known, that the amount of karma i have waiting for me... was sooo not letting me get away with that happily. I'm not even mad at her, I'm just... mad. She hurt me, but that just makes me feel hurt. Why can't i stand my own with anyone? i feel all these terrible emotions but only as a 'feeling sorry for myself' way... not aimed at the person who created them.
falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. i Knew hearts broke... but i didn't know friendship could break them. i knew i'd found a friend... but i had no idea how much she meant to me. A wise man once said everyone deserves a chance to fly, but if i'm flying solo then i won't see... half of the things this life has to offer.
so i guess it's official... libran or not, i wasn't born for luuuurv. or at least... i wasn't born to be happy in love. perhaps karma is just targetting me where it knows it will hurt me the most. Who knows. I'll dance around this empty house, spinning all around and then i'll fall. i don't have enough balance to stay on top. i don't have enough co-ordination to keep it ok. this used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns i don't know where to look, who to see, where to go, or what to be.
do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth fighting for. Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide... did someone make you hurt inside?
She's so one minded... He's so young... She's such a baby... He's everything i dream of... She tried so hard... He is scary. and that's it. She can't love... He doesn't know the real meaning of love... She is too young to love... He wouldn't love me... She loves her friends first... He loves boys. (Had to be said) so i guess... just live and let die is what i say to them all. To he who is so young and doesn't know the meaning of love please, live and let die... nothing is nothing... there was always nothing, emptiness, always. I know it hurts, but you will never share real love until you love yourself.
head under water now i can't breathe... i'm scared to keep hoping when it seems there's no hope to go on.... I'm scared to keep believing... when my hearts still healing. i have one thing to do. i can't be this pityful, shameful person when i go back out there... so it's time to remend everything that has fallen inside me. this isn't me. and this won't be me.
i s'pose i should have seen it all coming. as soon as it started... i should have known, that the amount of karma i have waiting for me... was sooo not letting me get away with that happily. I'm not even mad at her, I'm just... mad. She hurt me, but that just makes me feel hurt. Why can't i stand my own with anyone? i feel all these terrible emotions but only as a 'feeling sorry for myself' way... not aimed at the person who created them.
falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. i Knew hearts broke... but i didn't know friendship could break them. i knew i'd found a friend... but i had no idea how much she meant to me. A wise man once said everyone deserves a chance to fly, but if i'm flying solo then i won't see... half of the things this life has to offer.
so i guess it's official... libran or not, i wasn't born for luuuurv. or at least... i wasn't born to be happy in love. perhaps karma is just targetting me where it knows it will hurt me the most. Who knows. I'll dance around this empty house, spinning all around and then i'll fall. i don't have enough balance to stay on top. i don't have enough co-ordination to keep it ok. this used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns i don't know where to look, who to see, where to go, or what to be.
do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth fighting for. Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide... did someone make you hurt inside?
She's so one minded... He's so young... She's such a baby... He's everything i dream of... She tried so hard... He is scary. and that's it. She can't love... He doesn't know the real meaning of love... She is too young to love... He wouldn't love me... She loves her friends first... He loves boys. (Had to be said) so i guess... just live and let die is what i say to them all. To he who is so young and doesn't know the meaning of love please, live and let die... nothing is nothing... there was always nothing, emptiness, always. I know it hurts, but you will never share real love until you love yourself.
head under water now i can't breathe... i'm scared to keep hoping when it seems there's no hope to go on.... I'm scared to keep believing... when my hearts still healing. i have one thing to do. i can't be this pityful, shameful person when i go back out there... so it's time to remend everything that has fallen inside me. this isn't me. and this won't be me.
Posted by
madsie
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