Now you're gone

Now you're gone I realize my love for you was strong I miss you here, now you're gone I keep waiting here by the phone With the pictures hanging on the wall Now you're gone I realize my love for you was strong I miss you here, now you're gone I keep waiting here by the phone With the pictures hanging on the wall Is this the way it's meant to be Only dreaming that you're missing me I'm waiting here at home I go crazy, now you're gone There's an empty place in my heart without my Anna it will break apart it wont heal it never fades away I will think about you everyday [Ready for takeoff] [instrumental] [Are you ready?] now your gone I realize my love for you is strong I miss you here now you're gone I keep waiting here by the phone with the pictures hanging on the wall is this the way its meant to be only dreaming that your missing me I'm waiting here at home I go crazy now you're gone Now your gone I realize my love for you was strong and I miss you here now you're gone I keep waiting here by the phone with the pictures hanging on the wall is this the way its meant to be only dreaming that your missing me I'm waiting here at home I go crazy now you're gone There's an empty place in my heart without my Anna it will break apart it wont heal it never fades away I will think about you everyday

I dont think so

ok... i put up with so much, go off at me now, i did enough for you not to care if that's what you want to do.

i'll put it straight.
you think you might have a chance, i don't think so! You're telling me to be nice... um i dont think so! You wanna get in my pants, i don't think so! I DON'T THINK SO! I can see it in your eyes, you talk to me like I'm your prize. But i don't want you in my life alright? And I think you know that. I know what i really need and trust me you're not at my speed. But i don't want you in my life alright. You should know by now that, you think you might have a chance, i don't think so! you're telling me to be nice, i've run outa nice. You wanna get in my pants, I DON'T THINK SO! NO NO! *shrugs* you can try, you can lie til you die, you and I, no... no i don't think so. Sorry you don't have a clue, but i don't have the time for you... Got my eye on someone else tonight, And i think you know that. I'm the only force on me, But you keep living makebelieve. Got my eye on someone else tonight, you should know by now. i don't think so. yeah try, keep on the lie, until you die...

man he got me singing... oh he got me singing, and i wish to hell he didn't... I'm scared of singing... now.
i just have to wait 3 weeks... 3 weeks and it's all fine, all over :) because i believe in 3 weeks.

fuk off

if thats how you read into it fine have it your way its not what it ment

all is as it should be

And then there were none.
so i have done what i set out to do. i think i've succesfully shown you why to stay away... succesfully prized myself out... and let you understand what is easier... I wouldn't have it any other way. i see you take stabs at me in the hope that it hurts... well it does, but i push it aside now... because i know it must be so.
and so i have pushed you away, and finally you have let me... i have done what i had to do... I know it hurts less... although it still hurts... And I'm sorry that this is so... I hate to say that your anger at me... and at others makes me smile slightly... because i know i have succeeded at last.
I know
You know
all must be and is now as it should be
i cannot brave you... until you let me go. call on me then.

message board

so some people had something to say... and they asked me to post it here. so being the good, ingenius, kind hearted person i am.. i said yes... ok here goes.

"Your thoughts are plastic. And plastic is easily found and easily thrown away. So don't act surprised when you find someone who is brutally honest and says "No, you are NOT unique. No, you are NOT different and NO, however hard you try to be, you will NEVER be the person you think you are".
And I'm guessing you won't find that person and so I'll fill in for him until he comes. In the mean time via proxy sounds peachy, don't you think?
So because it has been gnawing at me for a substantial amount of time, I will say what I have to say because unless I don't I am going to explode in a pool of irritation.
You are deluding yourself. It is not love, nor affection. It is infatuation. Worthless, childish infatuation. And to be frank, in the words of someone rather ingenius, it's corny.
So get over it because everyone's about ready to throw up"


Well now that was a pleasant message... maybe the next one will be slightly... happier... a bowl full of sunshine is what i be searching for people!


"I hate the way you talk to me... and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you'd drive a car, I HATE it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you think you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, IT EVEN MAKES ME RHYME. I hate the way you think you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, and even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're always here, and the fact that you always call... but most of all i hate the way ur blind to me, you focus on ur crush so much you'd never see me fall."


eh *tugs colar* people are bitchy no? sheesh well i gotta happy one.. or at least good for me one next :)


"If there is anything i need more than chocolate, it would have to be my ranga sex bomb and her sexy dance moves XD"


hahaha. love it i do. very short but at least to the point :) 5 bux who that is :P um i have one last one...


"i hate the way you make me hate when i swore i never would... i hate the way your dreams are what i'd love to crush and i hate the way you turn me synical in the face of love... i have always believed love is all we ever need and that it lifts us up where we belong... but when someone lies and is like you are about it... IDIOTIC AND ANNOYING it makes me wish it didnt exist so people like me... were free... from people like you. sometimes enough is enough."


So there's my message board blog from 4 different people there... not that theres much point. i guess my blogs just so awesome that they'd wanna post on it :) oh well byeee

theoretically verses practically

emotionally I am trying to walk away... instead of actually walking away. maybe i should stop living in my head, and start living in this world. instead of thinking things out, making pointless decissions i'll never follow through with and promising myself it will be ok... instead of that i should simply put one foot in front of the other and start physically walking away. mentally and emotionally i can only do so much.. without physically trying i'm not gonna get myself anywhere.

emotionally you are hanging on, when you are being pushed away.

emotionally i can think to let go, but i know it's harder then that.

emotionally you're a wreck, although physically you hold yourself tall

emotionally i'm a wreck although physically i hold myself tall

emotionally we are all hurting, and all laughing and all getting the most out of every aspect of life.
how come there's such a big difference between emotions... and physicals? I wonder... if i can walk away... start looking somewhere else... if emotionally i will let go... finally. it's wierd... that i'd kinda given in to the feelings... figured i couldn't get out now. and just gone with it. but after a conversation... these feelings might not be what they are... perhaps they're just me needing someone there... maybe it's just a wierd trick of my mind... meaning i can let go. i can find a way out and i can be happy to want a way out i don't need to stay where i am. it's started me thinking completely differently... i like it :)

Library tales

Baby get shakey break the rules.

Back at school, term two. Nothings changed, but nothings stayed the same. Kind of a bland day... recapping over last terms bad jokes (y) getting back into classes. seeing the same people i always see... seeing nothings better, and nothings worked itself out. Except one thing, in a very unexpected place. now i expected to see sparks fly as two of my friends tried to murder each other... no insted the complaining brought them together for a nice DnM... *shrugs* hu'd have thought it.
i guess... that's a silver lining of the new term no? even if it doesn't directly effect me in anyway. There's still millions of laughs, still lighthearted bitching about annoying people... life is good. There's still people you'd rather be without, but if you didn't have them there... then there would be nothing to keep you grounded i s'pose. Some people have changed and really proved themselves, i was surprised at her... how she rose above and beyond to do that. and then dissapointed in him at how he hasn't changed and how he can't toughen up. It sadens me... but at least i have something to complain about too.

"movies set girls up to like sensitive guys... we don't or at least there's a difference between sensitivity, meaning they actually care about our needs, and straight out whimpyness... sometimes they just need to toughen up" oh vida u put it so well. :P Lynch doesn't like our library adventures

just.... just... understand

"Everybody has to look at his or her own footprint and do the best they can. It's not about being perfect, it's about doing something. If we're looking for perfection, we'll never, ever get there."

EARTH TO YOU

i guess, i kinda don't make sense... and i know i should try harder, to make reading this worth while.

i am dreaming of a love, of a heart that beats for mine. i am dreaming of the answer to my aching hearts cries. although i know it won't be heard. Along the way i fight off others, i have to make them see... that other then the love i have, no more can i feel. i was dumb... i was lost... i let people down. cause i was to hurt to look around. i didnt care, i wasn't there, i needed help. and then you lost and it's you it cost, that i was down. i see it now, and i wonder how, i could let you drown. i wanna yell, get out of this spell, and help you out.

i know it's sad, i know it's bad, i know i should be stronger now... but i know to say, that i'm ok, would be a lie. i wish i could, get a hood, to hide my feelings. and let myself, renew my health, from this hurting. i understand, that where i stand i can get out. i have a friend, who knows the end, is somewherre good. he helps me out, turns me about, and lets me see. that i can be, always free eventually.

everything changes

It was so easy that night, shoulda been strong but i lied. Nobody gets me like you. I know everything changes all the places and faces but i know how i feel about you. can we bring yesterday back around, cause i know how i feel about you now... i was dumb i was lost i let you down, but i know how i feel about you now.

No you don't need no nothing at all but mee, i'll make you see. I sit and wait does an angel contemplate my fate? and do they know the places where we go? so when I'm lying in my bed thoughts running through my head and I feel that love is dead I'm loving angels instead. down the waterfall, wherever it may take me. I know that life wont break me when I come to call you wont forsake me I'm loving angels instead. when I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street I look above and when love is dead I'm loving angels instead.

Come on trouble, let's hit the road, come on trouble let's take a ride. come on trouble, take me into your world. I'm not afraid to take a risk, a risk to take for something to make this a better place is worth taking. i want to go where i shouldn't , i want to walk on the side of the road that's dangerous... i am craving for the adrenilan that comes with doind something you shouldn't... the rush that comes with your embrace.

should i freak out!?

so i guess i'm saying i should be a private detective. i know how to find the things out i need to know. i'm not good for respecting privacy and i love to snoop around. and the things i find are never usually good.

I don't know what i found is. i don't know what it means. but i know what it could mean. and i know what i sure as hell hope it doesn't mean. i stumble across it completely innocently, not even on the prowl this time. just going about my buisness like i was told. i guess i wasn't ment to read it... which i guess leads back to me snooping... and i wish i hadn't red it cause then i wouldn't be confused.

3 words... in a text. to a "secret" sim... you can't set it up to look much more suspicious. these three words can only mean something bad as far as i'm concerned. something's wrong with her, and that's why the text. or perhaps it's something less innocent on her part... i can't bare to think it. i can't not freak out. i don't know what to do..

then... he says

I'm afraid it occured to me that i'm not good enough. but even when i'm lost you show me who i really am. One shows me my good, one shows me my evil. it keeps me grounded.

Can i have this dance

we have a dance, of a man... and a woman. of a child, and their pet, of friends. lovers. enemies. nature. technology. power. hate. and love.
the dance... of life.

look at me, i will never pass for perfect, or even close, can it be... i wasn't made to be that good? now i see, that if i were truly to be myself, i would break a lot of hearts... Who is that girl i see, staring straight back at me? why is my reflection so what i don't know..? Somehow i cannot hide, who i am... though i've tried, when will my reflection show. Who i am inside. Look at you, you will never pass for perfect, or even close. Can it be... you weren't ment to play that part? So when you're near me darling can't you hear me SOS. i don't need strings, you don't need fake. so let's leave it and not try for what isn't there. I need help. i need light hearted fun. so let's go. you need a lift, let's go.

Boy we've had a real good time and i wish you the best on your way I never ment to hurt you it's just that is was far to much to pay.... I'm running out of things to say... ey, I don't know what else to say.


It's so close i can taste it, so i'm not gonna waste it... i had a chip on my shoulder and now im brighter and boulder. i talked it out and saw the light i got it now i see the way out. so i'm still hurting but it's so comfortable now. i'm living with it and feeding off it i can use the emotion for better not worse. and slowly, now that im channelling the feeling off before letting it go full, i'm getting over it finally. after this, don't think i'll be rushing off to loves door again any time soon. no once i'm free from this i'm free from it all, for as long as i can be. i may grow up to be an old maid... i may, but i doubt it... when it's worth it, that's when i'll return to that game... not till after highschool me thinks.

i be gone from ranga nerd with my ranga hair... to choc chip with my lovely brown and black.. to now jaffa cakes with ranga and black... but jaffa cakes doesnt sound cool... someone help me come up with my name jaffa _____ . :)

oh, sorry

it's a long story, but you might be able to keep up.

from one minute old, to one year, to one decade, to now... I've grown, changed, laughed and cried. I've seen faces, places, lives, deaths... a lot. I've heard songs, whispers, tinkling laughs, complaints, thank-you's.

From one minute old, to one year, to one decade, to now... I've observed every aspect of life i have passed by. I've molded myself to blend into them, to get a close up on the lives. I have felt many things myself, obviously nothing close to everything there is out there, but my own fair share. and i can understand the emotions i haven't felt. I can reach out my mind from similar emotions i've felt and understand what it would be like.

From a young age i was introduced to infactuation, to wanting, to liking people in different ways, seeing other people in new lights. The introduction to love. I knew how it felt to want, and i sure knew how it felt to be wanted. To be spoilt by boys, gifts as tokens of feelings, following me, messengers, all of that. and then me, watching from affar, dreaming, wanting, letting my want be quenched upon sight of what i wanted. the two different ways of the same emotions... wanting, and being wanted.

Images from a childhood long past and forgotten flicker in my minds eye. The memories of a time gone by, playing on an old film reel in my mind, some clearer, some fading away. some coming out of the pool of memories that i haven't remembered before, ones that i'd all but forgotten completely. It's strange.

ha

i've learnt that some things in life you control. like talking to people, pleasing people, what you have for lunch... u can make that happen. but somethings... like getting someone to love you back... you can't control, so go with the things you can control, instead of wishing you could. it's like, loving what you have instead of ruining what you have and can have by desiring what you can't have.

Dude

I'm kinda at a loss right now. In one way, I'm really mad... and i thought he'd be the one to simply wish me happiness no matter what it would cost him... In the other way i feel really sympathetic because i know what he feels for me is what i feel for someone else and if he's going through half the pain i have been through... that poor kid.

being mad... he wishes himself to me. I thought i'd made it clear, i'm ok to stick around as long as there's no strings. i don't want anything to do with that way of relationship... i guess not. one thing i wish for him, and for anyone is that they will be happy, even if that means I'm not a part of their lives anymore, even if it's not with me. i wish them happy because they deserve it and the second best thing to me getting what i want, is them getting what they want... and so therefore i wish upon them happiness. I guess it kinda triggerred and anger port in me to see someone didn't wish that for me... someone just wanted their own way in.

I have hurt and hurt over love before. i know how it feels. and so i can empathise with his feelings, i can sympathise with him because i know how bad it is. and i feel sooo bad because I am hurting over someone at the moment... and he is hurting over me... i am causing this hurt. knowing this is making me hurt even more because i feel so bad. i understand the want when you can't have something... i think everyone does, and therefore i can't get angry at him for not letting me go... cause i know how hard that is. i know how impossible that is...

an outsiders view. see's the never ending circle of teenage love. you love her, she loves him, he's sleeping with her, she's cheating with him, he's making out with another guy. oh. well that's what it is. i have been placed under such a burden.. apparently i make someone smile, they think about me a lot. i have the power to make or break this person. HOLY SHIT. what do i dooo! how much of a burden can you get maaan. so i have to watch everything i do... i have to conciously always think now.... because of this. mmm great.

I don't know what to do. i'm hurting so badly right now. but i have to be strong and think about other people's hurts too. it's so tough. lol i can't wait to be an adult puhleaaase get me out of this rofl

Someone had to...

right now i really don't know. but playing the glad game left me with the answer that the way out is inside of me somewhere and when the time is right, i'll understand what to do. Again, not much of a silver lining really, but it's something.

well i tried and tried to hold me together, because i grew up with people telling me crying was weak, crying is for wimps who can't win. winners don't cry and that i wasn't to cry in front of people and make a spectacle of myself. well maybe i'm not the winner my father spoke of. i have tried and tried to hold myself together, keep it to myself and not let it show. i'm fine always fine never not fine that's maddy :) but soon my binds were slipping and my mask was slowly falling, it was more then i had to keep up the pretence and i found myself falling.

yes i'm upset beyond words, yes I sit awake at night shivering at the end of my bed tears flowing down my cheeks, yes i'm not fine... but i'm not alone. no i have someone to play the glad game with me, i have someone to point out to me where the silver lining is. even if, as i said above, it isn't much, or a very probable silver lining it's better then wallowing in self pity as well as the sadness already engulfing me.

i felt so comfortable last night, once again perched on my bed surrounded by pillows and curled up in a blanket crying, talking and miraculously laughing. yes as always he made me laugh... he made me see that it was ok that i was crying right now, that the reason was fine and i was no worse off for my feelings. he made me understand to take the crying on as any other emotion. and so i sat there crying, laughing and not feeling like i was a black abyss of hurt. i felt comfortable, fine with where i was... like i could see a way out and knew it was just a matter of time.

it was like before i was in space, thrashing around... tumbling upside down. screaming, crying... panicing. and then he reached out and steadied me. set me upright and held me there. so now i was floating peacefully in this space instead of making it worse for myself. it was amazing, that i was laughing and feeling ok... and that it was fine, that it was fine that i was crying.

never knew

Never knew when i would smile again, never knew I even would... especially not while I was at my worst. I guess it goes to show, you never really know. I've never felt the emotion, that is when you cry because you're hurting... but then something makes you laugh. And the laugh is real, but so are the tears... and mixed together. I never knew what that was. I guess it goes to show, you never really know. I never knew I could make light of what was hurting me. I never knew that would make me feel a little better. I never knew that sometimes, admitting it and then laughing in small amounts while being serious, being slightly happy while crying and being slightly ok with it while hating every second... would feel so good. I guess that goes to show, you just really never know.
When I'm down and out and feeling really crappy, sometimes a mystery will always make me happy. just a puzzle about myself, about a feeling.. a deep puzzle will always make me better.
Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl... one of the greatest mysteries you'll find in this world.

can't get over and i don't know why

He looks at me... I fake a smile so he won't see, what I want and I need... And everything that we should be.

You... Don't want hear your name! Don't wanna see your smile! Cause Baby I'm still crying. And go, it's time for you to get out! I'm sick of standing my ground, Cause I just stand up running. And I go to sleeping even end tomorrow, But I wake up screaming, how wake through the night. You know I can't get over, And I don't know why? You know I can't get over, No matter how I try, And I don't know why? We... Will always be the same! You say it's time for a change, But I don't see, wouldn't coming. So I may now gone the darkness on your lovin, But I end up falling back into your road! You know I can't get over, And I don't know why? You know I can't get over, No matter how I try, And I don't know why? From beginning to win, Where's again right back to where we started. I know, I'm right We were wrong with the love! You know I can't get over, And I don't know why? You know I can't get over, No matter how I try. You know I can't get over, And I don't know why? You know I can't get over, No matter how I try, And I don't know why? You know I can't get over!

I'll bet she's beautiful... That girl he talks about and she's got everythingThat I have to live without he talks to meI laugh 'cause it's just so funny. I can't even seeAnyone when he's with me.

explain yourself? fine.

You say that you love me We both know you don't mean it every day But somehow you got me So I'll put up with anything you say Because I love you I'd rather be with you whenever Than without you all the time And I will forgive you whatever Just to say that you are mine Because I love you I love you, do you love me When tomorrow comes I guess we'll see When I push in, you pull out But you still need me Yes, I do,Yes, I do,Yes, I do,Yes, I do now...Because I love you...

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right. I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night. He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star .He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

So every single day begins and ends the same. I see them pushing to get on board a crowded train. Out of the pouring rain, to face another pain.. Why you so afraid of the other side? It's just a big parade, it's people on display. If one should stumble, imagine what the rest would say. They're making harmless sounds. Their heads go round and round. Why do you stay away from the other side? You'll see me in the clouds, laughing a bit too loud. You'll see me crying 'cause I'm too crazy to be proud. Been a mighty good girl Living like a slave to your words And I thought you should know I'm coming up with nothing to show Mama, no more charades Saying it ain't gonna play Mama, what do you see Is anybody looking for me Everybody's looking for love Everybody's searching above. Life is no walk in the park Never any light in the dark When the roses are dead It doesn't matter if they are red Daddy, I'm not a fool No one ever lived by your rules Daddy, what do you see Is anybody looking for me Everybody's looking for love Everybody's searching above. Mama, open your eyes Gonna have to filter the lies Mama, what do you see Is anybody looking for me? I want you back in my life again I don't want to be your "remember when..." oh it's a dirty old shame, when all you get from love is a love song. That's got you layin' up nights just waitin' for the music to start. It's such a dirty old shame when you get to take the blame for a love song... Because the best love songs are written with a broken heart.

Drew walks by me can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly. The kind of flawless I wish I could be

I’ve been roaming around, always looking down at all I see, painted faces, build the places I cant reach. You know that I could use somebody... Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do. So I drive home alone as I turn out the light I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight! 'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do. He's the time taken up but there's never enough and he's all that I need to fall into

And now the tears in my eyes are ever blinding. The future that lies before me I cannot see. Although tomorrow I know the sun is rising, lighting up the world for everyone to be free.


he looks at me... i fake a smile so he won't see

gimmee sum luving everyday

i wanna go back to the dreams i'm living in my head....
"we used to be best friends maddy... what happend?" ha oh what a dream i had last night..... :( i want it back cause i'm wasting my time cause you're still on my mind. i never thought i'd give up on you... never thought that was something i could do... and now i know i can't cause i won't let go... touch down turn around i never see you around anywhere or anymore... you are what i'm looking for.

i know i can be a little stubborn sometimes... i was just trying to find a way to compromise... i believed that we could work things out, i thought you had all the answers, always giving in, and now that you're gone i see where i went wrong... see i wanna think it's something that i did so i can bring it back around... i keep trying to find my way, but all i find is i'm lost without you. i don't ask for much all i want is love, that's all i need... somebody to be good to me. then i could think i have it all, if could love again at all. i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at nigh, he's the song in the car i keep singing don't know why i do.

i would give an arm and a leg not to feel like that ^ so i could stop blogging this pointless heart hurting stuff. it hurts to know he's the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. ha... i guess if i was someone else, reading this... i would throw up. yeah... but god i can't get it off my mind.

so anyway he can take what he wants from me cause i dont got nothing worth having if i havent got him.


mood change... should've seen that one coming... oh how i hate the internet, i want to destroy it... but then i wouldn't have a blog.
the tears stream down my face once more, sliding over my heated cheeks, to drop lightly onto my waiting hands. i'd wipe them off, but as soon as one is wiped three more are in place, tumbling down my face.
my heart is aching and possibly breaking, there must be something i could be taking. curled up tight, im in an emotional fight, to breathe, and leave, my caring behind. air is short, i was never taught, how to cope, when you've lost all hope. i'm not sure where to go, i'm not sure what i know, i'm not sure what this be, that's twisting and turning inside of me. i don't know what's real, i don't even know how i feel, i just know it hurts, and

it's creating water in my eyes that falls in droplets, warm, uncomfortable displaying the feeling i cannot place.

my body cramps, my face is damp, i'm so unsure, i can't smile anymore. pretty much i'm laying flat, far away upset and all that, i wish i could stand, and not need a helping hand, i wish i could be, only needing me... i'm tired of needing more, so i guess i'll stay here on the floor.

sad?

Sometimes I wonder where I've been... Who I am, Do I fit in. Make believin' is hard alone, Out here on my own. We're always provin' who we are. Always reachin' for the risin' star. To guide me far, and shine me home, out here on my own. When I'm down and feelin' blue I close my eyes so I can be with you Oh, baby, be strong for me Baby, belong to me. Help me through. Help me need you. Until the morning sun appears... Making light of all my fears, I dry the tears I've never shown, Out here on my own. When I'm down and feelin' blue, I close my eyes so I can be with you, baby, be strong for me Baby, belong to me Help me through Help me need you Sometimes I wonder where I've been Who I am Do I fit in I may not win But I can't be thrown Out here on my own.

Is it okay if I call you mine? Just for a time... And I will be just fine, if I know that you know that I'm Wanting... no needing your love. Oh If I ask of you... ah is it all right if I ask you to hold me tight... Through a cold, dark night. 'Cause there may be a cloudy day in sight, And I need to let you know that I might... Be needing your love. Oh And what I'm trying to say isn't really new, it's just the things that happen to me when I'm reminded of you. Like when I hear your name, Or see a place that you've been, Or see a picture of your grin, Or pass a house that you've been in... At one time or another. It sets off something in me I can't explain. And I can't wait to see you again. Oh, babe, I love your love And what I'm trying to say isn't really new It's just the things that happen to me... When I'm reminded of you.

We always seem to be... Sister and brotherly. It's such a lovely way to be, and I want to say, what it means to me. How I could ever be the same without you. And something more that I know. Though I never could show, how it kept right on growing the way I know, I really feel about you the way I know I'll always felt about you. Why can't we, why can't we, why can't we try to play a love scene. We don't need the violins to play a love scene, where we see how love begins. If we could find a way to start and learn to play the part. A perfect scene from a play unknown... Let's play a love scene, of our own and I want to say what it means to me... How I could never be the same without you. And something more that I know, though I never could show... How it kept right on growing, the way I know I really feel about you. The way I know I'll always feel about you. Why can't we, why can't we, why can't we try to play a love scene We don't need the violins to play a love scene Where we see how love begins Find a way to start and play it from the heart A perfect scene from a play unknown Let's play a love scene... Love scene of our own.

how do you know... how do you know if you're good?
maybe... maybe you never know... you just hang in i guess...

i can call me wise

i guess, once i was young... imature. Ungided in the ways of love and life. once i was just a child... naive and stupid.
Once i made a mistake... one mistake i regret, one mistake i would take back. photgraphys don't lie... photographs are forever, photographs don't lie, but they depict you in ways that you are not.

she is just a child... just a small girl. happily blundering about in her life, dressing up, putting out... she needs.... to be wanted. she needs, to be admired. she needs to have comment about her, to have pride, to have the power, to have people wanting her, people admiring her, people congratulating her.

she's so young, and naive... she doesn't know... oh how much she doesnt know. i want to go to her, and pull her out of the trench she's stuck in, pull her out, dust her off and point her in the right direction. i want to give her face a slap, so she snaps to attention... so she might understand, before she is slapped emotionally. it saddens me to see such a child... so young, going in such a wrong way. no wonder she's lonely for she won't allow herself to feel real love...

i can call me wise now. i have been there. i was shallow... i was lonely, for i had no friends... no real friends. but i didn't notice. i was happy. and then i felt love... and it blew me away, i was amazed at such power. and i would do anything for such a powerful emotion. for i did not know that that is the power all real emotion has. and i made mistakes, i let myself become a slave to the power of that emotion, and throw myself out in ways i shouldnt. i made mistakes, i shamed myself... i was a young... stupid child. just like her

so why. why does someone look upon her in disgust when she gave them more then i ever gave them... and look upon me with admiration... when as i said, i have promised nothing. i offer nothing. and i never will.

i can watch from a distance and see mistakes before they are made. i can want to cry out a warning, but i am never heard.


i can call me wise in another situation too. wanting what you aren't given. i have dug myself into a hole... like so many simultaniously and before me have before. i have been there. i have longed for someone's love and touch. and i know how not to go about this. and i see, someone going about it all wrong. sometimes you can see signals... signals too hold on, reasons to stand your ground... small flickers of hope. sometimes... you make them up. sometimes letting go is the way to keep them close, or not keep them close, but simply let them go to let them go.

i have held onto things for too long before, i have seen what it does and i watch a poor boy, who calls another imature, who doesn't stop to see himself... doesn't pause to notice who he is. a poor boy, naive yes, blundering about blindly hoping. it is undoubtedly an admirable hope, and amounts of courage to be feared, but channeld wrongly. hypocritically he makes statements about people, about feelings... without stopping before to look at himself to understand himself and see the error he has made. he does not judge fairly as i have done as well... overlooking small details and deciding not based upon the facts but on raw emotion alone... this is not wrong, but to blame the emotion on facts... then undoes your perfect set up until people see you twisted and as a lier. i've been there... i know the error when i see it.

i need to be needed. she needs to be wanted. i have an iresistable desire to be iresistably desired... as does she. we are not so different, however we come across... and yet people could choose between us easily... we are both shallow in some ways, and both deep in others. we both have meaning... and dreams, and tears, and scars... we both have laughs, and joys, and memories. we both make mistakes... but i am now wise.. and she is so young... so naive... so unprepared for the hurt she is and will face... and outsiders are not helping her by shooting her down now... i made a mistake, a disgraceful shaming mistake... and i didn't talk because i knew people would look down on me... i have seen how they react when it's other people and i, they're friend was afraid that they would bring their wrath down upon me too. thats loyalty and trust for you. i shouldn't need to fear them.

i should feel like i feel with lolo. who states, that underneath my mistakes and naivity he can still just see me... and he knows im in there somewhere and he will simply wait for me to come back... so why can't you

facts you never knew

i don't lie... and i don't steal, but i can cry and i can feel, a fact you never knew... but to cry in front of you,

i am stronger then i know, but weaker then i appear. i do trust no one. i do believe in no one. i wish that i was better.

did i commit a crime is this a waste of time...
that's the worst thing... i could do

What is this feeling

What is this feeling? So sudden and new? I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you My pulse is rushing, My head is reeling, My face is flushing. What is this feeling?Fervid as a flame, Does it have a name? Yes! Loathing Unadulterated loathing For your face, Your voice Your clothing Let's just say - I loathe it all Ev'ry little trait, however small Makes my very flesh begin to crawl With simple utter loathing There's a strange exhilaration In such total detestation It's so pure and strong! Though I do admit it came on fast Still I do believe that it can last And I will be loathing Loathing you My whole life long!

tears

if people really cared... really gave a damn. maybe there would be no tears, maybe there would be no sorrows.
no i forgot... life is pain. life is sorrows. that is what we're in for, what we were sent to. even if everyone was kind, there would still be death, there would still be illness, there would still be moods. there would still be hurt and sadness. even if everyone tried... nothing would come of it, because the world is set on being a pessimist. he is set on being a pessimist, he is set on being a forever hopeful "as long as i put it to everyone else not me to do something" optimist, he is set on being an idiot, she is set on caring for herself, she is set on just sailing through. no one is set, on just helping out. just getting back what you give. because honestly, no one gives unselfishly.

i wanna really see what i can be... without strings pulling me back, without ties not letting me go, without duties making me stay. i wanna be more then just a fool with make-up on her face, hiding who she is everyday, being a symbolic mask as well as a literal one. hiding her face, bad skin... ugliness, and hiding her true self, feelings, dreams, wants, needs. if i could i would remove that make-up, i would peel off the o-so-fake smile... i would show you the tears falling from my eyes and down my cheek, so softly you never even heard them. i wanna show you the pain underneath the perfect mask... i want you, to see the hurt, pain, sadness. how broken i am. see the scars. as i have seen so many before. been let to see someones broken heart, someones scarred insides, someones hurting soul... i want you to witness this... i want you to see pain in someones eyes. so you can understand, so you can see how far down someone can go.

what if? what if there were no scars, what if i wasn't broken... would my mask be my reality, would my make-up be my face? what if? what if there was no hate, no love... would i have no strings, could i go on... to see where i could be? what if? beyond this there was nothing i could be, and so hiding behind a mask is letting me dream of what i could be instead of seeing the nothing i will be. i wanna be more then just that fool with make-up on her face... but what if that's all i am. a fool with make-up or a failure without it.

if i could make magic... the smiles i would share. the happiness i'd spread across the places i would go. if i could make magic, the wishes i would make, the stories i would create, the songs i would sing. to throw around that magic to everyone.... if i could make magic.

i think you should know.
i lie awake at night pretending i am curled up by his side. because if it's alright i'll still pretend i love him cause i can't break it to my heart.
i lie awake at night with the tears falling from my eyes, to the pillow where they collect themselves before disappearing into the pillow forever as a memory.
i lie awake at night, singing a soft little song... a song straight from my heart. a song that changes with the wind... a song with no tune, no words, a song in my breath, a song in the way my head tilts upon the pillow... a song of how i am.
i lie awake at night, with make-up on my face, from a long day too tired to wash it off, i watch as it rubs off onto my fingers as i stroke away a tear. i watch as it smudges into the pillow from the tears left on my cheeks. the make-up now is flaking, and my heart is always breaking... my smile i will keep strong for the show must go on.
i lie awake each night, with tears in my eyes, a song on my lips, a dream in my heart, and a wish that never dies. i lie awake at night because the dreams aren't better then reality, they just replay what i already know is so, or what i know i do not and can not have... would you wish to sleep and dream of things you never can have... to wake and have them torn away again... no because then you would spend your days with tears in your eyes too.

i wanna make magic, i wanna magic away the tears, i wanna magic away the sorrow and the cobwebs till there's none. from me... from them... from everyone. i want to magic away any scarrs, any breaks, any flaws... so that people really cared, really gave a damn... using my own magic.

i wanna make magic

I want to make magic
I want to be bigger than I am I want to make people really care
Really give a damn
I want to make magic
I want to breathe fire on the stage
I want to make every single line Jump right off the page
I want to do it all from A to Z
I want to do 'The Lion in Winter' Brecht and Harold Pinter
Sophocles, Eugene O'Neill
I want to really see what I can be
Another Jason Robards or DeNiro
Play a tragic hero Go for it all and really show the way I feel
I want to make magic
I want to electrify the place
I want to be more than just a fool With make-up on his face
I want to make
magic
Magic
Magic

trouble

so i just keep getting myself in trouble.
while i was grieving a loss. i like to do it solo, without anyone... alone! and when people continue to bloody well bring it up and talk about it, it upsets me. so... other people grieve and i do best to help by not bringing it up, leaving people alone... because that's how i deal... so i figure "omg i would hate it if someone did this for me, so i won't do it to this person." and then i get called heartless for not talking and comforting someone... how am i ment to know! tell me if i should comfort them, but don't call me heartless for trying to appreciate what i would want to kill someone for doing :)

100! blogs!

l'amour des ascenseurs là où nous nous appartenons. vous n'avez besoin que d'amour! pat est mon bestie longtemps. nous savons tous qu'il est un trysexual car il va tout essayer il est tellement cool parce que tout le monde l'aime et pour une bonne raison aussi, il est extrêmement aimable...

god i love lying in french :)

100 BLOGS!

waste blog :D

I... don't know why you never come

try... you throw the word around like you do with love. you use it too lightly. you state things and never follow through... have you noticed too?
to write something doesn't make it so, to think something doesn't make it go, to want something doesn't let her know, but to try something always makes the show.
BUT. once tried, your kinda fried, if you fail, and still prevail, you carry on, just a tad too long. and then wonder what went wrong.
there's a time and a place, an end to every race, where you'll just have to face, that not every try is worth the weight on it you place...

from him to her, and her to him

Red = boy to girl Purple = girl to boy

Drop a tear, it releases the fear. Feel her near, and tell it to her ear, I'll love you to the end of years.

All day I can’t help but thinking of you. You don’t have to say a word I just want to be with you, When I look at you, you make me smile My friends think I’m crazy all I think is WOW, When I look at you chills run through my spine, I always thought you were beautiful and fine, My life has changed ever since I saw you, which makes me want to be with you, looking at you is more than a dream come true, words can’t explain of how I feel about you

Daydream Reality
© Peter Caraballo
When I see you I tend to smile Not all day But for a while I watch you as you turn around I remember every single sound I watch you as you look at me That’s when I see your beauty I start to frown when you look away I guess away is where you’ll stay I go into a dreamy gaze In my dream I was in a maze Having you would be my prize If I get you is a surprise Right, left, forward and back Trying to trace my every track Boundary here boundary there Boundaries located everywhere!!! I touch the side I touch the ground I try to locate every sound I hear the birds start to cheep I only hear one other peep “Help me, Help me” I hear ahead “Help me, help me if you can.” I knew it was her I could only tell It wasn’t the place nor the smell It was the sense of my crush in fear It was a cry only my love can hear I try my best I sprint ahead If I was not with you I might as well be dead I turn the corner and I see The brightness of her beauty

Bloody Tears
© Amanda Cline
BLOODY TEARS RUN DOWN HER FACE AS SHE WALKS AWAY SHE HAS LOST ALL HER FAITH AS SHE WATCHES THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER DECAY. SHE FEELS HER HEART HURT BUT IT WAS NOTHING NEW SHE KNEW THE RIGHT CHOICE SHE WAS SURE EVEN THOUGH SHE FELT SO BLUE. HE WAS HER FIRST LOVE SHE FOUND IT HARD TO LET GO BUT BEFORE SHE LOOKED UP AT THE STARS SHE WOULD ALREADY KNOW. OH HOW DID SHE LOVE HIM BUT THAT WASN’T ENOUGH THERE WAS SOMETHING MISSING SHE NEEDED MORE THAN LOVE. THIS TIME SHE BROKE HER OWN HEART BUT SHE HAD TO DO IT EVEN IF SHE TORE HERSELF APART SHE THINKS SHE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH. SHE LOOKS BACK AT HIM JUST ONE LAST TIME SO SHE WOULD KNOW WITHIN WHETHER OR NOT SHE WOULD BE FINE.

forever

If you see me with tears in my eyes, don't worry, or look surprised. If you see me with tears in my eyes, know that at that moment... i have cried my last cry.

When I saw the break of day I wished that I could fly away Instead of kneeling in the sand Catching teardrops in my hand. Out across the endless sea I would die in ecstasy, Something has to make you run I don't know why I didn't come I feel as empty as a drum I don't know why I didn't come I feel guilty that I didn't love you like you loved me, you wanted to be with me and I drove you away day after day... why? That is what I said because at night it would all fade away at day time I would dream... of two hearts believing in just one mind You know we could be two hearts believing in just one mind, Two hearts, believing in just one mind Beating together till the end of time... Well, there was no reason to believe he'd always be there But if you don't put faith in what you believe in It's getting you nowhere...
Nothing lost and Nothing found, Life has Hurts and if you really look, they can be found. If you really look...but why...just place them underground. A hurt can't be forever....

all because of you

It wasn't the way you kissed me that made me feel so right It wasn't the way you loved me before we'd sleep at night It was the way I realized why I was always down It was the way you played me when I'm not around My heart was always broken all because of you And everytime I think of it there is nothing I can do I thought that I could make it right but nothing seem to fit I think I kind of miss you maybe just a bit All this time I loved you so So much love that didn't grow And I think it's time I let you go

lovers nightmare

I love you and I'm here to stay, that is what you always stay, Kiss me and I can barely breath, Sending bolts into my knees,
Distance draws us far apart, Passion still bleeding in my heart, Love divine and oh so true, Hoping that you feel it too,
I dreamt about you twice last night, Standing there and holding you tight, Keeping you hands on my waist, I still remember how you taste,
I love you I need you that's what you say, The snow starts falling and the sky turns grey, I laugh and kiss you and say how could I leave, The only place I want you is right next to me,
Then suddenly you gone and I start to cry, Waking up with tears in my eyes, Rolling over to kiss you face, But your not there and my heart starts to race,
Right now I need you more then most, To hear you breath, to kiss your nose, Just to lay there watching you dream, But your not hear I just want to scream,
I sit there now not able to sleep, My hands are shaking and I start to weep, I can still see you there, snow falling in your face, Watching the sky turn from blue to grey,
I think about it for awhile longer, Wishing I could be much stronger, That beautiful dream turned into a nightmare, Most of it was fuzzy but you face was so clear,

inside

If you look beyond my scars... Far, far away, you might just see the happy girl, that's starting to fade away. If you look back to the past, and notice who I was. You'll notice now that who I am isn't really meIf, you look beyond my smile, beyond my fading face... If you look beyond the pain, you might just feel the same. If you look past my tears and past the fallen blood. If you pass all of that, then you will have fallen. If you fall where I have fell, then you might notice to... This life I live is nothing, but a show that I put on for you. If you look past my fake smile, past my fake outside. Then you will see what is wrong, deep, deep inside. If you go down deep enough, you might get to my heart... If you see the crack in it, you will know what fell apart. If you travel though my blood and look up at my skin, you might just see the scares that show up deep within. If you look beyond the scars, beyond my fading arm. Maybe then and only then, Will u understand.

poetry i adore

I looked up. I saw a shooting star, I saw a shooting star in the dark sky. I made a wish, I made a wish to be with you.
I looked down. I saw a penny, I saw a penny on the gravel. I made a wish, I made a wish to be with you.
I looked to the right. I saw birthday candles, I saw birthday candles on a lavender cake. I made a wish, I made a wish to be with you.
I looked to the left. I saw a dandelion, I saw a dandelion on the lawn. I made a wish, I made a wish to be with you.
I look straight ahead. I see you, I see you right here in front of me. I made a wish, I made a wish



i miss you
Met a few boys today, forgot their names already checked out the hottie at the gym and still felt guilty I miss you
I heard a song while driving in my car the one you sang for me my eyes watered as I mouthed the words cause there was something missing I miss you
I went to sleep last night with a pillow in my arms so I wouldn't feel so lonely, but it's not the same without you I miss you
I woke up with a smile cause you were there in my arms then I was once again happy... until that dream ended too I miss you




There is a boywho has caught my eye.I smile at himevery time he walks by. He looks at me,then looks down.He says hi to mewhile staring at the ground. I start to shiver;my heart beats fast.My legs feel like jell-o;it's nothing like the past. I had never really known him;he was just another guy.But all that changedwhen he first said hi. Now, everything was different;I no longer felt that way.I found myself thinking about himevery single day. We never really talk;it seems like he doesn't want to.He sometimes keeps to himself;I don't know what to do. Every night,I stay up late.Wondering how longI'll have to wait. I like him a lot;my feelings are strong.I can honestly saythey have been all along.



She's holding onto him She's holding him tight. He's scared to loose her. but her hearts out of sight. She belongs to someone else. And he'll never know, How much he meant to her. His feelings, he couldn't show. He couldn't understand her. Miles apart inside, hand in hand. Feelings seem to subside. Holding her heart close, protecting herself from pain, For her love to him, was merely a game. She longs for him in the rain, And she cry's for him in the dark. She has to let go, her hearts being torn apart. She's weaker than she appears, but stronger than she knows. And I guess this is the way,
True love, truly goes.



Reminizing
I still can picture us together And I think of how you promised To be with me Through any type of weather I still can feel your gentle love and tender touch Holding on to me so tightly and so much I still can see your beautiful eyes Just to glance into them was a moment To cherish for all times I still can hear us as we happily laugh And I think of how you would cover me Even if it was a small chilling draftI know it might seem as if About you I'm crazy But no matter what became of usI would remain as your baby Still always and forever We will share a precious love And you will still be the one That I constantly reminisce of.



Finally
You were my hero.You were my best friend.And that was a feeling I never wanted to end. You were there when I was couragious and strong. But you were there when I was lame and wrong. You stood by my side with whatever I did. You defended me while I was a chicken and hid. You were the perfect guy for me (so I thought.) It was easy to see. Something in the end just didn't seem right. You weren't the guy I knew anymore, even though we talked every night. It didn't matter anymore. You didn't care. But it did to me. My heart began to tear. You broke it. Something I never thought you'd do. And my heart is what I gave to you. It was broken for along time and I'm finally over you. Sometimes it doesn't show, but you knew:You were my hero.You were my best friend.And that was a feeling that finally came to an end.




boy . girl .
Boy: I saw her today
Girl: I saw him today
Boy: She looked more beautiful than ever
Girl: He looked better than before
Boy: I told her I missed her
Girl: He didn't mean it
Boy: I asked her how her boyfriend was
Girl: I told him we broke up
Boy: I know they're still together
Girl: I gave him a romantic hug
Boy: She gave me a friendly hug
Girl: I love him
Boy: I love her
Girl: I told him how much he means to me
Boy: I told her how much she means to me
Girl: I told him I couldn't live without his love
Boy: I told her I loved her
Girl: He told me he loved me
Boy: We ran out in the rain
Girl: He kissed me!




I do not know where I'll be in a yearMy only goal now is to be far from hereTo be far from this place that's been far from fairDon't worry yourself; I'll call when I'm there



There's a girl Who is secretly In love, her secret Being she can't tell Anyone Why? They'd all laugh And be shocked. The Boy well he'd never Give her a second look She's all confused and All mixed up. Why does She feel this way? All she knows is when She's with him, she's free. Free to be who she is And to be happy. She just wants to be With him, to be able to Tell him how she feels For him to feel the way She does But she'll never be able To express her love, she'll Shelter it in her heart for Always

I've loved him for so long...



A teenage boy was sitting in his room Thinking about that broken heart He broke that girl's heart That boy goes through girls like some kind of art That girl was sitting in her room crying She thought she did something wrong She wondered what she didThough she was being really strong That boy thought his actions through He started feeling really bad He didn't know what to do He wanted that girl back it's true The next day he apologized He told her her loved her still She loved him Though what he said did kill So this is where I leave you These words engraved in stone Maybe that boy learned that day Words can hurt as much as broken bones



<3

it's simply the way they treat them

well, smile. well, don't frown. well, what you looking at me for!? what WHAT! you're rubbing me the wrong way.

wouldn't it be nice if the world was chocolate. :) i would be in heaven that's for sure.
i wonder... mmm i wonder, if it's safe to wonder anymore, i'm wishing, oh i'm wishing that i can wish forever more.
don't dream too far, don't loose sight of who you are, don't remember that rush of joy. every so often we long to steel to the land of what may have been, but that doesnt soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in. don't wish, don't start wishing only wounds the heart...

what? nothing...

microsignals... reading between the lines, double meanings... the ability to read into things that never were there. is this what is destroying relationships as we knew them? is this to blame for so many fall outs, or for people being stereotyped as "selfish" and said to be "so full of themselves."

what? ...nothing.
everyone reads something, or hears something and then repeats it to themselves or re-reads it again and again looking for hidden meanings, and everytime they replay it, finding something knew it could mean or some tiny message that could possibly be hidden in one sentence of it and twisting it into some massive thing.

what? ...nothing

why is it that no one believes we mean what we say? everyone has to search until they find a meaning that satisfies them. in speech they will identify the tone, minute tones, micro expressions, amounts of swallowing, and double meanings to the sentence. a simple, "sorry can't make it i'm working" can twist into basically almost anything if the listener has the imagination.

what? ...nothing

so if i said something something simple, half my friends would hear something different, some offencive, some thinking oo new goss, some... who knows, anything... i bet... if anyone reads this blog, they'll read into it randomly. they'll say "oh it's obvious here she's taking a stab at someone." or "she's been reading into things wrong, possibly relationship wise and has now been hurt bad." when in reality, i just simply had a realisation and a need to tell about it. it's simply obviously entirely meaning nothing.

making my way down town walking fast faces pass and im home bound. staring blankly ahead just making my way through the crowd.
look my typing changes colour how wonderful awesome!! =D well well well my little kiddies who read this crap... who is noone actually which makes me feel like a dawk for typing this... but anyhow im enjoying myself so i'll continue... isnt this year the greatest one ever!! oh wait sorry my conscience got to me, i was taught never to lie. THIS YEAR SUX =D ok that's better.
Well my chikadees i wonder if anything for you has lately gone wrong... or maybe you're having an excellent year BECAUSE YOU STOLE ALL MY GOOD LUCK AND GOOD FORTUNE and all the other shit like that *evils*.
im ok (y) calm. well well well i think maybe i sound slightly philosophical right now... maybe i listen to much to adam my best friend for life. :P who enjoys a robot on the phone's company better then mine! lol. i haven't written anything randomly uplifting for awhile... maybe never on this blog i cant remember i forgot what i posted. anywayz i think my shit sounds too depressing atm. and so i decided to start being random and uplifting again but first i have one downer paragraph please enjoy.
(its this colour coz its depressing) well i have come to a revealation. things aren't just gonna get better. i have had an amazing life... why because i used up all the amazingness in the first 15 years. i have come to another conclusion that... nobody gives a shit, NOT EVEN ME... so why complain. my revealation is that i'm gonna get over myself now. ive spent way to much time on myself. and think about other people. they can take away my love, they can take away our money, they can take away my house, but they can't take away my spirit. SO... all you depressed schnoodles out there i will help you :) i get a kick outa that so make me feel better by helping you (y) dont be selfish and keep it to yourself.
OK so back to uplifting im a happy chappy shit :D well. wosonmamind? well. actually a lot of things like how fail i am at contempory dance. i cant do the splits and that really hurt to try. *shakes hed* i'll stick to the tap dancing thanks.
maybe u need a wake up call coz ur too comfortable u think because u bagged me u dont hav to work at all you'll be the prince and i'll be the princess. ladidadida xx


so i wrote that february. wow things have changed and lol. time for happy things :D

delta goodrem

what a pretty song. :) i like delta (y)


"I Can't Break It To My Heart"

If it's okay I'll leave the bed light on And place your water glass where it belongs And if alright I'll lie awake at night Pretending i'm curled up at your side See i'm circling these patterns Living out of memories I'm still a long way from accepting it That there's just no you and me But if i still believe you love me Maybe i'll survive So i tell myself you're coming home Like you've done a million times And if it's alright I'll still be loving you 'cause i can't break it to my heart Is it just me Did i commit a crime I won't believe that loving you Is just a waste of time Or was it in my head I'm reading into things that you never said 'cause i still don't have the answers To why we couldn't work it out I wanna think it's something that i did So i can turn it back around But if i still believe you love me Maybe i'll survive So i tell myself you're coming home Like you've done a million times And if it's alright I'll still be loving you 'cause i can't break it to my heart And nothing will come between us I wanna convince myself we're perfect in Every single way as long as i can keep The truth away from my heart Oh 'cause i can't break it to my heart 'cause i still don't have all the answers To why we couldn't work it out I wanna think it's something that i did So i can turn it back around But if i still believe you love me Maybe i'll survive So i tell myself you're coming home Like you've done a million times And if it's alright I'll still be loving you 'cause i can't break it to my heart

wordless beauty.

so what.... you looking at me for. show me, respect or i will show you the door,



simple pleasures, wordless beauties, frameless pictures extending on forever. this is a memory.
simple pleasures, wordless beauties things you've seen, tell me them. share your stories share your dreams, tell me of her beauty tell me what you've seen.
simple pleasures, wordless beauties, tales you long to tell. show me her beauty, show me that day, tell me all your memories the tales you long to tell.
simple pleasures, wordless beauties, a slide show of time gone by. let me see your fantasy, let me see your dreams, tell me of these pleasures from times gone by.
simple pleasures.
wordless beauty...
you'd let them go
you'd give them away
you wouldn't share them with me
so i found my own
i threw away a wordless beauty
i threw it far away. and that was that.
it was perfectly beautiful flying through the air, perfectly beautiful leaving me now. perfect in everyway. for now i could start. i have a past. but i can let it go. i let it go. begin again. to find simple pleasures and wordless beauties of my own, because you... you fell into a well of sadness, you fell and wouldn't stand again and i could no longer see the wordless beauties that you had seen, your eyes were dull, no more shining and you hit away any simple pleasures... you were cold and i was already frozen. i was living off your smiles and your tales of beauty. but as i watched you freeze, i knew this was no way to be. i had to find...
simple pleasures, wordless beauties, a fairy tale that will come true. and ill share them with you, i'll tell you my stories, of my fairytale come true.
of
simple pleasures, wordless beauties, times you left behind. ill find you again, and call you my friend, and tell you what you missed, i'll make amends, and let you spend, time with who you've missed.
in years to come, i'll have my fun, and find you just to say, about all i've done, and all i've become, while you were hiding away. as time goes by, I'll learn to fly, and i'll remember to show you, everything i've seen, and everything i've been, and everything i'm gonna do. for you were the one, who swapped you fun, for something you couldn't loose, you stopped moving on, to prove her beliefs wrong, and show her she wouldn't be misused. All that you'll see is me, and all that i truly believe, all that you'll see is me... and what you could've been.

the ocean of memories

the beach empty of people ,the sand white, cool under foot, the water clear blue and sparkling in the sun, the sky, cloudless... perfect. what a sight. a girl, one girl, walking slowly along the beach. dark hair framing a pale face. curling softly down at the shoulders, blowing in the wind. she's looking out at the water, a soft silver chain dangles by her side. such a wonderful flawless sight.
she stops, stoops and picks up a rock. slowly she faces the ocean and throws the rock into the churning water. she stoops and picks up another. this time looping the chain over it. again she pulls back and releases it in the direction of the ocean. it lands far out, caught in a wave. the wind picks up as she stands facing the ocean, her hair whipping around her face. one tear slides down her cheek. she turns and walks away into the dunes.

moments of weakness

should've said no.
Should've gone home
Should've thought twice before you let it all go
Should've played nice
Should've known the price
should've taken everyone's advice.


well i guess i
pushed it too far
i know it sounds bizzare
shouldv'e known that you were no superstar
could've let it go
Could've let you know
could've done it right before i destroyed the flow



should've, would've could've... living in the past thinking over what you could've done better, should've said insted and would've done if you had the proper opportunity. sure it should be there in the back of your mind, don't you go forgetting now, but
it's time to move on,
we've come along way from...
those little kids that we were.
so let it all slip
when you walk make it a skip
and baby let me tell you it's worth it.


love hate smiles tears anger calm you've felt it all. so when it comes down to it you should now never fall I'd like to see, upon your face a smile taking up the space of your frown kick it out of town and bring yourself back around
back around to a better time, back around and you'll be fine, i hate to say it's been too long, so time for a song, about your little effort. :)


A long time ago in a fancy place,
it would be a gift just to see your face,
but then the world picked up it's pace,
and then we were shown a brand new face,

you hada dark side,
somewhere you had lied,
you had told me that optimism never died.

Oh
So come through with what you said, i want you to demonstrate what you ment
Don't have time for no argument, just wanna see this great event,

so yeah it's a working progress lol made it up on the spot ey not baad. :D:P