never knew

Never knew when i would smile again, never knew I even would... especially not while I was at my worst. I guess it goes to show, you never really know. I've never felt the emotion, that is when you cry because you're hurting... but then something makes you laugh. And the laugh is real, but so are the tears... and mixed together. I never knew what that was. I guess it goes to show, you never really know. I never knew I could make light of what was hurting me. I never knew that would make me feel a little better. I never knew that sometimes, admitting it and then laughing in small amounts while being serious, being slightly happy while crying and being slightly ok with it while hating every second... would feel so good. I guess that goes to show, you just really never know.
When I'm down and out and feeling really crappy, sometimes a mystery will always make me happy. just a puzzle about myself, about a feeling.. a deep puzzle will always make me better.
Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl... one of the greatest mysteries you'll find in this world.