no sleep tonight

flies... flies lots of flies... oh how i love the flies... my best friends forever protect them from evil spiders. lies.... lies lots of lies... oh how i hate lies... but they protect me from the evil spiders.

The pictures of flies flick across my mind, i feel the spider wincing, i feel it pulling back, like the touch of me is burning it's leg, i hear it's screeching in it's mind, trying to drown out the jealousy, but i know... i know that jealousy will drive you mad. As evil as this creature is, it's pain is worse then i imagined and i feel for it and for a moment, just a moment i stop the thoughts.

a lapse of concentration, and my train has left the station, no longer can i run, my plan has come undone, i hear the whistle down the track, and no that trains never coming back, i wince as pressure is pushed upon me, and open my eyes although there's nothing to see, dirt in my eyes, muted are my cries, the ground hard against my face, i know im outa place...

i'm spun around and lifted up. i can breathe clean air again insted of the dusty ground. but my arms and legs can't move they're stuck to my sides and i realise i'm entangled again in the web. however scared i am my screaming subsides as i realise i am cradeled in the spiders arms/legs. i am tied up, i cannot run but my resting place is soft and strong and stable. i am suprised and almost start to freak out again but a soft leg strokes my cheek and calming thoughts flood my mind. with all fear and panic banished the thoughts still run through my mind just without the emotion. whhhhaaaaaattt issss goinngg onnn!!!

once more help is strange, once more it's out of my range, and yet it reaches down for me, yes it's helping me to see, how everything can be everything, and anything can do anything. in my past as a baby once more, cradeld in arms strong and sure, holding me high above the ground, high enough not to be found, but hurtful things, for they don't have wings... we know happy thoughts let us fly.

i am swung through the air, up onto a small ledge on the cliff face. i am layed down, my head set gently on something soft. i feel the bonds around my body loosen but they do not let go. i can turn my head and move now, no longer am i bonded but i am in a large sphere. a sort of shell or cage. so i can now freely move within this space which now takes up the whole ledge i am on. i sit up and look to see feathers are what i was laying on. then i realise i am tiny, the spider isn't giant, i am small. i have been shrunk down to second to the spider instead of first. i am under it's power and redered completely dependant on it and it's protection. and above that i am caged in. yes it is kind to me and yes it is not harming me as yet, but i am not free.

no i am not free, and that is what i long to be, the kindness and protectiveness sure is nice, but i cannot give up my biggest vice, the freedom calls, i can't survive walls.

i sit on the small bed of feathers and look out between the strands of my cage at the spider looking in. there are no thoughts or feelings sent this time. we just sit there, looking. my instinct reaction is to shy away, shudder at the spidery eyes and body, but something else is stopping me. the danger is addictive, the knowing that i am safe is amazing, and i can't help how much i am enjoying what i have here. the spider reaches in through the web reaching to me, and i feel the need to thank it. i scurry around on my small ledge until i find a small trinket, it is lovely and sweet and i present it to the spider and place it in it's outstretched arm.

i bear gifts and hope it makes, the web i'm trapped in start to break, i do not want to leave you see, i want to be with the spider... just freee. to sit on its back and tour the sights, to hold it and help it and have little fights, i do not want to be second to it, nor do i want to be first to it, even is good, not under this hood, i want to be up right next to it.