i'm good thanks, you?

I'm not sociable right... i like to stay in, alone, without people annoying me. but i never really was happy. so i go away on holiday. i spend every waking moment out of my room outside doing things... i spend my time busy and in the fresh air. i was smiling and i was living. i came home and day two back i go out all day. i catch a movie with friends, i walk around outside. it's good, my old problems are left behind. but when i come home and sit in the dark again on my computer i can feel the insides of me churning and i dont like it... the darkness is seeping into my insides as well as surrounding me. now i'm surprised, surprised at how good moving on from something i never wanted to leave behind feels. and i want to continue with it.

ok so that was nothing like what i planned on blogging about when i opened up this screen. but the mind does strange things as we all know... and mine is currently rambling :)

i guess it's kind of harsh. but what i've been wanting for awhile now. to leave and just wishing for it, well i had a taste for it when i went away. and it really did make me happy again. i really was laughing, flirting, talking... i wasn't hidden away in my hard outa shell keeping to myself and it was good. i feel bad for wishing away this part of my life, but after a taste of what i've been longing for it's harder then ever to just push the wish aside for another day.

the taste of freedom is fresh on my lips and i don't want to forget about the more to this that what there is.