oh, sorry

it's a long story, but you might be able to keep up.

from one minute old, to one year, to one decade, to now... I've grown, changed, laughed and cried. I've seen faces, places, lives, deaths... a lot. I've heard songs, whispers, tinkling laughs, complaints, thank-you's.

From one minute old, to one year, to one decade, to now... I've observed every aspect of life i have passed by. I've molded myself to blend into them, to get a close up on the lives. I have felt many things myself, obviously nothing close to everything there is out there, but my own fair share. and i can understand the emotions i haven't felt. I can reach out my mind from similar emotions i've felt and understand what it would be like.

From a young age i was introduced to infactuation, to wanting, to liking people in different ways, seeing other people in new lights. The introduction to love. I knew how it felt to want, and i sure knew how it felt to be wanted. To be spoilt by boys, gifts as tokens of feelings, following me, messengers, all of that. and then me, watching from affar, dreaming, wanting, letting my want be quenched upon sight of what i wanted. the two different ways of the same emotions... wanting, and being wanted.

Images from a childhood long past and forgotten flicker in my minds eye. The memories of a time gone by, playing on an old film reel in my mind, some clearer, some fading away. some coming out of the pool of memories that i haven't remembered before, ones that i'd all but forgotten completely. It's strange.

ha

i've learnt that some things in life you control. like talking to people, pleasing people, what you have for lunch... u can make that happen. but somethings... like getting someone to love you back... you can't control, so go with the things you can control, instead of wishing you could. it's like, loving what you have instead of ruining what you have and can have by desiring what you can't have.