Dude

I'm kinda at a loss right now. In one way, I'm really mad... and i thought he'd be the one to simply wish me happiness no matter what it would cost him... In the other way i feel really sympathetic because i know what he feels for me is what i feel for someone else and if he's going through half the pain i have been through... that poor kid.

being mad... he wishes himself to me. I thought i'd made it clear, i'm ok to stick around as long as there's no strings. i don't want anything to do with that way of relationship... i guess not. one thing i wish for him, and for anyone is that they will be happy, even if that means I'm not a part of their lives anymore, even if it's not with me. i wish them happy because they deserve it and the second best thing to me getting what i want, is them getting what they want... and so therefore i wish upon them happiness. I guess it kinda triggerred and anger port in me to see someone didn't wish that for me... someone just wanted their own way in.

I have hurt and hurt over love before. i know how it feels. and so i can empathise with his feelings, i can sympathise with him because i know how bad it is. and i feel sooo bad because I am hurting over someone at the moment... and he is hurting over me... i am causing this hurt. knowing this is making me hurt even more because i feel so bad. i understand the want when you can't have something... i think everyone does, and therefore i can't get angry at him for not letting me go... cause i know how hard that is. i know how impossible that is...

an outsiders view. see's the never ending circle of teenage love. you love her, she loves him, he's sleeping with her, she's cheating with him, he's making out with another guy. oh. well that's what it is. i have been placed under such a burden.. apparently i make someone smile, they think about me a lot. i have the power to make or break this person. HOLY SHIT. what do i dooo! how much of a burden can you get maaan. so i have to watch everything i do... i have to conciously always think now.... because of this. mmm great.

I don't know what to do. i'm hurting so badly right now. but i have to be strong and think about other people's hurts too. it's so tough. lol i can't wait to be an adult puhleaaase get me out of this rofl