What the hell just happened.

so wot the hell just happend. i woz doing all good, things were fine now suddenly everythings complicated. so what the hell just happened. i was laughing again with new closer friends now suddenly everythings complicated again. so what the hell just happened. i was moving on, i was healing again now everythings crashing back down. so what the hell just happend. i'd fixed myself, glued in the fallen pieces now everthings crashing back down again. so what the hell just happened. I thought i was safe, with a wall that couldn't be broken... but then i was pulled down from a double agent so what the hell just happend. i was fine on my own supporting my own weight but then, i guess i didn't make it that obvious. SO WOT THE FUCKING HELL JUST HAPPENED

i s'pose i should have seen it all coming. as soon as it started... i should have known, that the amount of karma i have waiting for me... was sooo not letting me get away with that happily. I'm not even mad at her, I'm just... mad. She hurt me, but that just makes me feel hurt. Why can't i stand my own with anyone? i feel all these terrible emotions but only as a 'feeling sorry for myself' way... not aimed at the person who created them.

falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces. i Knew hearts broke... but i didn't know friendship could break them. i knew i'd found a friend... but i had no idea how much she meant to me. A wise man once said everyone deserves a chance to fly, but if i'm flying solo then i won't see... half of the things this life has to offer.


so i guess it's official... libran or not, i wasn't born for luuuurv. or at least... i wasn't born to be happy in love. perhaps karma is just targetting me where it knows it will hurt me the most. Who knows. I'll dance around this empty house, spinning all around and then i'll fall. i don't have enough balance to stay on top. i don't have enough co-ordination to keep it ok. this used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns i don't know where to look, who to see, where to go, or what to be.


do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth fighting for. Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide... did someone make you hurt inside?


She's so one minded... He's so young... She's such a baby... He's everything i dream of... She tried so hard... He is scary. and that's it. She can't love... He doesn't know the real meaning of love... She is too young to love... He wouldn't love me... She loves her friends first... He loves boys. (Had to be said) so i guess... just live and let die is what i say to them all. To he who is so young and doesn't know the meaning of love please, live and let die... nothing is nothing... there was always nothing, emptiness, always. I know it hurts, but you will never share real love until you love yourself.


head under water now i can't breathe... i'm scared to keep hoping when it seems there's no hope to go on.... I'm scared to keep believing... when my hearts still healing. i have one thing to do. i can't be this pityful, shameful person when i go back out there... so it's time to remend everything that has fallen inside me. this isn't me. and this won't be me.