want

so i want a new. i want to completely forget everything of my past. to be somewhere else and nobody there knows about here... knows about what and who i was and who i was with. nobody there knows of my mistakes here... nobody there knows that the person that just came into their lives is so different to the person who left everyones lives here. thats what i want... to completely loose the person i am now and be who i want to be, start over... with no past.

but someone else's wants are stronger. somebody wants to stay because their job isn't bad here. somebody would "die" if i left. somebody would kill me if i made them move. but when is it my turn... to forget what everyone else wants and do what i want... no what i need to do. when is it my turn to smile and mean it again... when is it my turn at a second chance.

perhaps never... but that doesnt change the options... i was joking with a friend... about running... i mean i have my ipod so im good... well maybe i wasn't joking maybe that's my plan, maybe i'm just storing up the courage and never had or will have to do it. maybe hitting the road is what i need to do. i look out the window... i see the road stretch out before me and i dream of being free away with no time limits no need to return... to just run, and never look back. my heart aches litrelly thinking about it... it hurts me to see it so close and no i dont have the guts to do it yet. but i will soon... if i cant leave freely i will forcibly.

but how much would i destroy how many people would i hurt... do i really care though? yes i do... and that's whats stopping me from right this moment leaving. that's it... the people i would hurt.

if for 5 minutes i could stop caring i could do it
it's wat i want

this place is burning my heart and i cant take no more for real