The best of me

My body type is slightly rounded in a cocoa bean sort of way. And no I don’t mean my bodies the shape of a cocoa bean I was merely referring to the fact that I am quite lean, like a bean, and rather then have you imagine me as a horrible green bean I thought cocoa would be nicer. My skin tone is, well, there’s no other way to put it other then white. I don’t think I can even try to get by with saying white with pink undertones. No I’m just white, very white. Now onto curves, well I have hips I guess, I mean from my hips to my chest my tummy curves in and then out again like a woman’s body should. But from there it ends. I have no chest to speak of so no cleavage to show off.

So i try. I really do. You think i'm hurting you. You ask why, why do i do this to you, how can i be so heartless... although you assure me otherwise i know it's what you're thinking of me. well i have an answer and although you may not think it good enough it was good enough for me. i know that never, never will it come to what you want, i know that never, never can my feelings steer me that way, don't ask me how i know this i do because i was born to know it. I do because i trust my intuition and subconciousness because on everyother situation i ignored it it never failed to be correct. so my intuition tells me that never will i think of you that way, never can i no matter how much i want to. so no i must act upon knowing this fact. my actions appear icey to you, appear horrible and bitch-like. well that's ok. my action is distance, to distance myself from you. because as far as i have read into you, the closer i stay the more hopeful you get, im not going to continue to dash your hopes. i will distance myself because as much as it hurts to get the cold shoulder i know it hurts more to be crushed and destroyed by a loved one. by someone you admire. i know the land it sends you to, i have been there, i have seen the others that have been there, the some that could never get out, unlike me, who found closure and managed to escape when the blackened guards of this hell were not looking.

So now i look upon this world in a new light. a new more cynical light, but with a more postive optimistic feel. i know i have locked my love away, i know that i will now wait, wait for when i am sure to go back there because the blackend guards know me now and wont let me go as easily next time. but being locked away like this hasnt faded me. now that i have returned from this place i am here and i can smile, and i can go on without looking back. every now and then something twinges on a nerve and i grimace or even a tear escapes but soon i have composure and i am back to being ok. he made my self confidence rise, the clothes i can wear out now, the flirtatious look in my eye, and the way i can now flirt with other guys with confidence. it's nice to be able to be sure of myself, to look myself in the mirror and see a reflection that honestly says " you dont look half bad. " thankyou for that.

that is closure.

well know i have one thing to deal with. i must make you see, i must make you accept that this is it. that was all i could offer to you that one day. no where did u screw it up, never did i even think to seriously pursue anything. you just picked the prickly pear from among the roses to fall for.