stronger

now that i'm stronger, brighter then that girl who went to plan oh why... am i writing this song.


at this point, i know a lot of people that turn to suicide... cutting, emo shit. they give up. i was raised not to give up. i can't give up. that would let me down.


as if i even care... as if you even mean anything to me. as if i need you. to be a better person, sure it would be nice... but who for?


no one makes me as mad as you do. no one upsets me liek you do. and it makes me crazy to know you have this power. my friend, the person i relied on for everything, trusted, loved, needed... is gone. so when you fucked up, when you walked out and i started to hate you... where was i to go. i don't have comforting arms to run to anymore, i don't have love in my life, my life is loveless. i sit and i think about hating you and how much i like it... and then i think, but ash is gone... where do i go now. so close we could have been the same bloody person we were, and now at times like this when i feel left and hated... i want him more then ever, and it hits me just how gone... gone is.



i know it's been ages now, and so much has happened. it's always times like these when i think of him and i wish so bad i could trade his life for yours. You make me so angry and you used to make me so sick. you must be the shallowest person i know... and im sorry i fell for your sharade. and all of this when i look inside to see what i should do now to make me feel better, all i find is the empty feeling of loss... because i have no where to go. i mean sure i have friends, but none of them give a dam like he did... because i choose not to let them.

i choose not to get close to people, because i have a habbit of leaving, on top of that i've been hurt so much i dont want it to happen again. i started this 2 years ago, now i barely know my family, i barely know anything about my friends, i trust no one except one person. and the one time i thought i was safe to go back, i was wounded for being so naive. The only person i let myself get close to was him, we were always together... it was good. and then i thought, well that one was ok... why not, and then slammed into a brick wall from hoping my luck was improving.