You don't know how many times I cried because of you

Complain, we all do it. Complaining, we all hate it. I believe I complain more than I should and definately about things that I shouldn't... And that's why I use this blog... so I don't look as spoiled as I probably am :P

But I cop so much shit from this guy liking me, I have so many people judging me and telling me I'm a bitch cause I just won't go out with him...

I have people giving me shit because of stuff I did with an ex boyfriend. I have people asking me why... and all I can say is I have no idea... ask him what sort of mind game he played with me to make me do it.

I have year 11s giving me shit because I'm a theatre nerd and have Gleek on the back of my jumper... seriously guys...

I have a father who likes to lash out for fun...

I have scars to show for past battles.

Like everyone else there are people in my life that make my life harder... that make it suck just that little bit more. But they never apologise, some of them don't even get exactly how much they upset me. Probably because you wouldn't think good things should upset me... But not everything is good from every point of view.

I mean that guy I mentioned before... I get that I fucked up his feelings, I get that I caused a shit load of pain unintentionaly... I used to hate myself because of it. Where I wish now for courage to go for what I want, I used to wish that I would like like him... I used to bash myself up in my head trying to figure out why the fuck I didn't like him when he was like...

Ok I put myself through shit for that too. My ex... I hated myself for almost every day I spent with him, I beat myself up over him as well. He laughed. I don't know what the fuck he did to me but I was completely dedicated to him, just like all those other girls -_-.

I'm just trying to live for myself now and stay away from everyone who demands something from me. I don't want to keep letting people down and therefore hating myself again. I love being me, I love my friends and I'm even beginning to love where I am. But an apology from the people trying to drag me down would help a lot... I know I'm not going to get it... I know you don't even know... I know it looks like I'm the one causing the pain...

The balls in your court now.