Sentimental Moments #11

Dear A Deceased Person I Wish I Could Talk To,

Dear Ash,

You had to be tonight didn't you, when I wanted an easy one so I could just go to sleep (L) But then again we did have our most fun at nights didn't we. Sleeping out in the park... when you brought me pillows and blankets, making me feel like you were my hero :P I don't... know what to say to you now... I mean, I want to talk to you more then I want anything else in this world, I want to see you smiling again... I want to feel your arms around meand fluff your hair and just... know that you're around. But I don't know what I'd say. I bet you'd say my rooms gone to hell... I'd bet you'd grin and say "hey Shucks" like nothing had happend. Like I hadn't watched you fade away. You'd laugh at where I am now... I know what you'd say about who I like :P You'd laugh at the fact that I was single and say "what happened to that girl who pushed me out of the tree with the force of her surprise kiss attack." I'd say she died with you. But she's coming back, she just had to go away for a little while until she learnt how to cope without you to ward of the evils. It was a shock to my system like getting cold water instead of hot... I had to adjust, and I feel guilty that it's taken me so long, when you got the worst of it all. I remember everything as if I watched a movie about us... or read it in a book, it's one of my favourite stories that I want to keep living forever...

I don't know what you were to me... I mean we got past romantic stuff... and yet I still loved you, I always loved you... You were like my brother, but not in a family-y way... you were like my fairy god mother, in a manly way... I mean you were gorgeous... I can't deny that and yet pretty soon I didn't look at you and see 'hot stuff' I just saw Ash... you were my Ash... for awhile you were my everything. I wouldn't say these things to you if I could talk to you though.I'd simply say "hi... it's been awhile... what took you so long" I'd just wait until natural conversation took over, just wait until there was something worth saying because every moment counts, but with you what wasn't said was alwaysso much more important than what was said. I might whisper "I love you" just to make sure you know, just in case you left again... It still hurts... writing this hurts, but in a way that makes me smile, and cry. excuse me while i get a tissue. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME :p
what would I give for one more hug. One more word.

Thank you for knowing me :)