I dreamed a dream in times gone by

A blank page with a flashing cursor demanding words you haven't thought of yet. You'd think a woman who is able to hold countless conversations with herself in the shower and on her way to work would be able to come up with a few choice sentences to lay down on her blog. Apparently not.

I seriously need to get off my ass and exist again, but it just takes so much effort. It's possible that I have taken this year to hide rather than to heal. I may have slowly starting reaching back out to society but really my efforts are just pathetic. A couple of facts: Yes, I am extremely socially awkward. Yes, I can be extremely shy. Yes, I have gotten used to being a shutin and keeping to myself. No, I am not enjoying the life I have due to the previous facts.

This year has really been a very low level of excitement, with a few random peaks here and there. It seems that when I wanted exciting I went for it, and I went for it hard. I had my first drunken hook up, or rather my first drunken hook up with a stranger and not my ex. It was fun, he was cute.. but who the hell took over my body long enough for me to do that? Because the Maddy I know hides at home with a book or puts her foot in her mouth way before anything could progress past pleasantries to hooking up.

I am 20 years old now. I mean, shit. What. Yeah my brain turns to mush or turns off whenever I think of that. I don't feel 20.. I don't know whether my idea of 20 is correct but I'm definitely not it. But I am 20 now and I think it is time to start acting it. To grow up. I'm not a teenager anymore and feeling sorry for myself is pretty pathetic.

Anyway, yes I found my old blog and yes I'm writing about boring stuff because I have nothing exciting to write about - so I hereby challenge myself to live a life worth blogging about. Here goes, most likely, nothing.